Many
people grow up expecting any romantic relationship they have to look a
certain way, and when the person they choose to be with ends up not
filling that expectation, they treat them like they're doing something
bad and wrong. So a woman who has preconceived expectations of what her
boyfriend or husband is "supposed" to be like may fight with, belittle,
and try to shame him for not fulfilling t...he character role in her head.
Classic examples of this in Western culture include a man who does not fix things around the house, or only knows how to fix certain things, a man who's not into the Sports culture, a man who likes to clean or cook, a man who does not make a lot of money, a man who is kind to others outside of the relationship, a man who doesn't try to act "tough" or "run with" other males, or a man who is not obsessed with sex, violence, alcohol, or random rebellion behavior.
A man who has preconceived expectations of what his girlfriend or wife is "supposed" to be like will do the same thing, treating a person as if they're "bad" or "wrong" when they don't fill the character role they hold in their head. Classic examples of this in Western culture are often a woman who doesn't make cooking and cleaning her first priority, a woman who repairs and builds things, a woman who enjoys activities outside the home, a woman who does not defer to other's opinions but treats others as equal persons, a woman who speaks, laughs, and behaves with the same confidence as the men around them. Both men and women who create these roles for others in their minds also often have the way the other person is supposed to look in there as well; their character role they have pictured in their minds is usually pretty fleshed out. Their clothes and their hair is "supposed" to look a certain way, if it doesn't, they're not being a "good person".
Even if there is more than one "version" of the appearance, there will still be obvious similarities between the versions. (For instance a thin Irish woman or a very thin Nigerian woman; the requirement is still "thin". A tall Polish man or a tall Indian man, the requirement is still "tall".)
Those who have preconceived expectations for other people will judge them by how close they match to this character role. They won't be interested in getting to know the person and therefore can not have a genuine relationship with the person. When the person fulfills the role, they are approved of; when they don't because of perfectly normal or even GOOD things, they will be rejected and discarded.
This same character role issue can be seen in other relationships as well, including parents and children (both ways), other family members, friendships, employees, communities, pretty much anything that involves humans. It can be seen on a global scale with citizens of governments (political leaders, presidents and dictators who have this character role issue), religions, and other organizations.
Those with "character role expectations" of others don't care much about another's personhood, their real talents, strengths, or experiences, they have already created their "profile" FOR them. No matter how "good" the other person actually is, no matter what they actually do, they will be judged only on how close they come to filling the role of the character they have been cast in by the other person.
Classic examples of this in Western culture include a man who does not fix things around the house, or only knows how to fix certain things, a man who's not into the Sports culture, a man who likes to clean or cook, a man who does not make a lot of money, a man who is kind to others outside of the relationship, a man who doesn't try to act "tough" or "run with" other males, or a man who is not obsessed with sex, violence, alcohol, or random rebellion behavior.
A man who has preconceived expectations of what his girlfriend or wife is "supposed" to be like will do the same thing, treating a person as if they're "bad" or "wrong" when they don't fill the character role they hold in their head. Classic examples of this in Western culture are often a woman who doesn't make cooking and cleaning her first priority, a woman who repairs and builds things, a woman who enjoys activities outside the home, a woman who does not defer to other's opinions but treats others as equal persons, a woman who speaks, laughs, and behaves with the same confidence as the men around them. Both men and women who create these roles for others in their minds also often have the way the other person is supposed to look in there as well; their character role they have pictured in their minds is usually pretty fleshed out. Their clothes and their hair is "supposed" to look a certain way, if it doesn't, they're not being a "good person".
Even if there is more than one "version" of the appearance, there will still be obvious similarities between the versions. (For instance a thin Irish woman or a very thin Nigerian woman; the requirement is still "thin". A tall Polish man or a tall Indian man, the requirement is still "tall".)
Those who have preconceived expectations for other people will judge them by how close they match to this character role. They won't be interested in getting to know the person and therefore can not have a genuine relationship with the person. When the person fulfills the role, they are approved of; when they don't because of perfectly normal or even GOOD things, they will be rejected and discarded.
This same character role issue can be seen in other relationships as well, including parents and children (both ways), other family members, friendships, employees, communities, pretty much anything that involves humans. It can be seen on a global scale with citizens of governments (political leaders, presidents and dictators who have this character role issue), religions, and other organizations.
Those with "character role expectations" of others don't care much about another's personhood, their real talents, strengths, or experiences, they have already created their "profile" FOR them. No matter how "good" the other person actually is, no matter what they actually do, they will be judged only on how close they come to filling the role of the character they have been cast in by the other person.
