Remember
that most of those who have Narcissism traits, severe and blatantly
abusive or not, are looking to find ways to feel superior to others at
all times. Feeling above another is the only way they know how to feel
real, and good about themselves. They do this all the time, they're on
"scan"; if someone shows anything that they can interpret as a chink, as
a flaw, as a weakness, as inexperience
or lower "status", they are all over it. That person is now officially
lowered in their imagination. They now feel comfortable countering them,
condescending to them, shunning them, and questioning and doubting
openly everything they do and say.
Showing inner turmoil, showing sadness, anger, frustration or indignation are all "reasons" that a Narcissist may judge a person as "lower'. (They are completely unaware. apparently, of their own emotional displays and complaints, which are often dramatic and tedious.)
Other "reasons" that a Narcissist may find as signs of "lower status", however only when applied to OTHER people, not to themselves:
Not working in a 9 to 5 job (literally, daytime hours)
Not working in a job they judge as "high status"
Not having a regular job, regardless of income (if you are independently wealthy, or if you have income from a non-obvious source, or inheritance, they will STILL judge you for not having a job.)
For GETTING a job if they think you don't "need the money" (same people who judge you for not getting a job.)
For talking about things that bother you.
For talking about being treated unfairly.
For talking about abuse you've experienced.
For standing up for others.
For sharing observations that they don't agree with.
For displaying any kind of emotion whatsoever that does not MATCH THEIRS at the moment.
For sharing any observation or opinion that does not MATCH THEIR point of view.
For being physically larger than them, or smaller.
For getting counseling (even if they've gotten counseling also; actually you would be hard-pressed to meet a human who has not sought counseling from others; a Narcissist will categorize counseling from a friend, relative, coach, clergy, or boss as "different" from counseling from a licensed therapist. It is different, because counseling from personal connections can be hidden and kept secret more easily...)
For being heavy set, overweight, thin, "well endowed", or in "good shape" (regardless of their own body type.)
For being "unattractive" IN THEIR OPINION, or for being "attractive" IN THEIR OPINION. (They believe their opinion is objective fact.)
For asking a question about anything.
For asking for advice about anything.
For sharing personal frustrations.
For sharing personal accomplishments.
For sharing personal experiences, "positive" or "negative".
FOR ASKING THEM FOR ASSISTANCE, HELP, OR PARTICIPATION IN ANYTHING, FOR ANY REASON. (Don't ask a Narcissist to help you get work done, don't ask them to help you move, don't ask them for a loan, don't ask them to pet-sit, don't ask them to participate in a project of yours~ they MIGHT say yes, but they will probably use it as a way to say "NO", so they can feel power. If they say yes, then you are probably in for a power struggle. Either way, you asked them for something, therefore they have something you "need", that you don't have, and are therefore superior to you.)
ANYTHING PERSONAL, basically, at all. As soon as the Narcissist starts thinking of another person as having any kind of "flaw" (flaw defined by their own imagination), they immediately start trying to knock the person down and treat them like they're NOT worthy of respect, or as "valuable" or as smart of a human being as they are. They begin to counter everything the person says, condescend, stop reciprocating communication and respectful behavior, start to judge everything the person does and says as negative, lazy, wrong, crazy, and stupid. Everything the person says and does, no matter what it is, will be seen by them as negative, and that's even if they held the person on a pedestal for the exact same things before.
Non-narcissists don't look for reasons to judge others as lower than themselves because they don't need to compare themselves to others to gain confidence, they aren't looking for a fight in order to get a rush of neurochemicals, they aren't looking to feel self-righteous and above anyone, and they are solution and progress oriented, not self-interest-only oriented. They are also big-picture oriented, so they can see why mutual respect and polite treatment between humans is so important. They can see the problems and drama that Narcissism causes for everyone on so many levels, and don't want to be a part of those problems in the world, in their community, and in their families.
Showing inner turmoil, showing sadness, anger, frustration or indignation are all "reasons" that a Narcissist may judge a person as "lower'. (They are completely unaware. apparently, of their own emotional displays and complaints, which are often dramatic and tedious.)
Other "reasons" that a Narcissist may find as signs of "lower status", however only when applied to OTHER people, not to themselves:
Not working in a 9 to 5 job (literally, daytime hours)
Not working in a job they judge as "high status"
Not having a regular job, regardless of income (if you are independently wealthy, or if you have income from a non-obvious source, or inheritance, they will STILL judge you for not having a job.)
For GETTING a job if they think you don't "need the money" (same people who judge you for not getting a job.)
For talking about things that bother you.
For talking about being treated unfairly.
For talking about abuse you've experienced.
For standing up for others.
For sharing observations that they don't agree with.
For displaying any kind of emotion whatsoever that does not MATCH THEIRS at the moment.
For sharing any observation or opinion that does not MATCH THEIR point of view.
For being physically larger than them, or smaller.
For getting counseling (even if they've gotten counseling also; actually you would be hard-pressed to meet a human who has not sought counseling from others; a Narcissist will categorize counseling from a friend, relative, coach, clergy, or boss as "different" from counseling from a licensed therapist. It is different, because counseling from personal connections can be hidden and kept secret more easily...)
For being heavy set, overweight, thin, "well endowed", or in "good shape" (regardless of their own body type.)
For being "unattractive" IN THEIR OPINION, or for being "attractive" IN THEIR OPINION. (They believe their opinion is objective fact.)
For asking a question about anything.
For asking for advice about anything.
For sharing personal frustrations.
For sharing personal accomplishments.
For sharing personal experiences, "positive" or "negative".
FOR ASKING THEM FOR ASSISTANCE, HELP, OR PARTICIPATION IN ANYTHING, FOR ANY REASON. (Don't ask a Narcissist to help you get work done, don't ask them to help you move, don't ask them for a loan, don't ask them to pet-sit, don't ask them to participate in a project of yours~ they MIGHT say yes, but they will probably use it as a way to say "NO", so they can feel power. If they say yes, then you are probably in for a power struggle. Either way, you asked them for something, therefore they have something you "need", that you don't have, and are therefore superior to you.)
ANYTHING PERSONAL, basically, at all. As soon as the Narcissist starts thinking of another person as having any kind of "flaw" (flaw defined by their own imagination), they immediately start trying to knock the person down and treat them like they're NOT worthy of respect, or as "valuable" or as smart of a human being as they are. They begin to counter everything the person says, condescend, stop reciprocating communication and respectful behavior, start to judge everything the person does and says as negative, lazy, wrong, crazy, and stupid. Everything the person says and does, no matter what it is, will be seen by them as negative, and that's even if they held the person on a pedestal for the exact same things before.
Non-narcissists don't look for reasons to judge others as lower than themselves because they don't need to compare themselves to others to gain confidence, they aren't looking for a fight in order to get a rush of neurochemicals, they aren't looking to feel self-righteous and above anyone, and they are solution and progress oriented, not self-interest-only oriented. They are also big-picture oriented, so they can see why mutual respect and polite treatment between humans is so important. They can see the problems and drama that Narcissism causes for everyone on so many levels, and don't want to be a part of those problems in the world, in their community, and in their families.
