One
of the things that is either difficult, or uninteresting, for most
Narcissists (but not necessarily sociopaths) is the concept of Cause and
Effect, or Causality.
Why this is so may be a combination of things, from a lack of instant gratification and supply, to avoidance and denial, to simple boredom, to cognitive confusion and discomfort.
Finding out why and how things really happen may seem like a waste of time and energy to them, or may just be too confusing.
The Narcissist does not want to know why their partner was late, and it's never a good enough reason anyway~ they are just angry that he or she was late, and now they feel uncomfortable. The "why" their partner was late is irrelevant to them because it didn't happen TO THEM. The "why" they now feel uncomfortable and angry is also uninteresting (or confusing), and therefore in the "avoid exploring" category.
The Narcissist does not care about the reason their partner or child is upset, he or she is just annoyed that this "mood swing" is "wrecking" their personal atmosphere and expectations.
The Narcissist doesn't care about why their relative is having trouble with depression, it's just assumed that they're "crazy", and must be either hidden from others finding out, or the relative must be smeared/slandered so no one thinks the Narcissist is anything like them ("crazy"...). (Narcissists will do this even if they know full well that the relative suffered trauma, neglect, or abuse, and even moreso if the Narc. was one of the perpetrators).
The Narcissist does not care about the bakery staff who makes the elaborate cake for their celebration, or the painstaking process, or the hundreds of things that could go wrong in that process or on the way to the event.
The Narcissist does not care how much work the artist put into a painting, how long it took, how much process was involved, or how difficult it actually would be for HIM or HER to do such work; the only thing that enters their mind is whether they like it or not personally~ which they interpret as objective fact. (The other thing that might enter their mind is envy toward the artist.)
The Narcissist does not care how or why a person is not as financially successful as he or she is~ they just ASSUME that they aren't because they're a "lower" kind of person; they're not as smart or capable. Finding out about the actual life events the person has lived through is completely uninteresting to them, and they will dismiss it all anyway, favoring their "loser" theory. (Funny how they don't apply this to themselves when someone else is more successful than they are~)
The Narcissist who is not successful assumes that those who are wealthy, successful, or educated were all just born into it, that they did nothing to earn it or keep it, that they did nothing to earn anything they have or have achieved. They just ARE the 'wealthy/educated KIND of people", and they don't "deserve" what they have. (But apparently the Narcissist would deserve it if he or she had that wealth or success~ apparently he or she would be the only one who deserved it, since no one else does who already has it...)
The Narcissist does not even apply causality to themselves; not in a realistic way, anyway. They will often ignore, dismiss, and delete most of the help and support they received from others while reaching a goal, and actually believe that they did it ALL themselves, every step of the way. Learning new skills and information also reflects this glitch in their processing; they will learn a skill from a teacher, and upon gaining confidence in this new skill, they will immediately seem to believe that they are a long experienced "expert", that this skill is "natural" to them, that no one really "taught" them, and that anyone who doesn't know this skill is stupid and ignorant (once again, "lower" than them).
Any certificate, degrees, and recognition they earn are seen as badges proving their "superiority", and they will often claim superior intellect, experience, and knowledge over any person who does not have the same "level" of degree, (while at the same time usually diminishing and downplaying the degrees, certificates, and recognitions of those who have more or higher degrees than they do. In fact, if a Narcissist is reading this paragraph right now, they are probably arguing "but that IS what degrees and certificates mean! That I'm smarter, more experienced, and more knowledgeable!" Explaining why it doesn't would take another blog post.)
They seem to mentally DELETE 'process' and causality:
The girl who is a prostitute in the street was born that way~
The old man who lives only with his dog is alone because he's crazy, or old, or no one likes him~
The wealthy developer in town is just a better KIND of human being than the rest of the townsfolk~
The child who won the State Spelling Bee is just a brainiac freak~
The homeless woman downtown who sits on the bench was just born to be that way~
Their own career is successful because they are just that good KIND of human being.
Etc., etc.
Nothing happened to CAUSE anything, everything just IS because it IS.
Rain just falls, the sun just shines, people are just stupid or ignorant if they don't agree with my exact point of view, people just drop out of the sky the way they are, and the way their lives are.
Why this is so may be a combination of things, from a lack of instant gratification and supply, to avoidance and denial, to simple boredom, to cognitive confusion and discomfort.
Finding out why and how things really happen may seem like a waste of time and energy to them, or may just be too confusing.
The Narcissist does not want to know why their partner was late, and it's never a good enough reason anyway~ they are just angry that he or she was late, and now they feel uncomfortable. The "why" their partner was late is irrelevant to them because it didn't happen TO THEM. The "why" they now feel uncomfortable and angry is also uninteresting (or confusing), and therefore in the "avoid exploring" category.
The Narcissist does not care about the reason their partner or child is upset, he or she is just annoyed that this "mood swing" is "wrecking" their personal atmosphere and expectations.
The Narcissist doesn't care about why their relative is having trouble with depression, it's just assumed that they're "crazy", and must be either hidden from others finding out, or the relative must be smeared/slandered so no one thinks the Narcissist is anything like them ("crazy"...). (Narcissists will do this even if they know full well that the relative suffered trauma, neglect, or abuse, and even moreso if the Narc. was one of the perpetrators).
The Narcissist does not care about the bakery staff who makes the elaborate cake for their celebration, or the painstaking process, or the hundreds of things that could go wrong in that process or on the way to the event.
The Narcissist does not care how much work the artist put into a painting, how long it took, how much process was involved, or how difficult it actually would be for HIM or HER to do such work; the only thing that enters their mind is whether they like it or not personally~ which they interpret as objective fact. (The other thing that might enter their mind is envy toward the artist.)
The Narcissist does not care how or why a person is not as financially successful as he or she is~ they just ASSUME that they aren't because they're a "lower" kind of person; they're not as smart or capable. Finding out about the actual life events the person has lived through is completely uninteresting to them, and they will dismiss it all anyway, favoring their "loser" theory. (Funny how they don't apply this to themselves when someone else is more successful than they are~)
The Narcissist who is not successful assumes that those who are wealthy, successful, or educated were all just born into it, that they did nothing to earn it or keep it, that they did nothing to earn anything they have or have achieved. They just ARE the 'wealthy/educated KIND of people", and they don't "deserve" what they have. (But apparently the Narcissist would deserve it if he or she had that wealth or success~ apparently he or she would be the only one who deserved it, since no one else does who already has it...)
The Narcissist does not even apply causality to themselves; not in a realistic way, anyway. They will often ignore, dismiss, and delete most of the help and support they received from others while reaching a goal, and actually believe that they did it ALL themselves, every step of the way. Learning new skills and information also reflects this glitch in their processing; they will learn a skill from a teacher, and upon gaining confidence in this new skill, they will immediately seem to believe that they are a long experienced "expert", that this skill is "natural" to them, that no one really "taught" them, and that anyone who doesn't know this skill is stupid and ignorant (once again, "lower" than them).
Any certificate, degrees, and recognition they earn are seen as badges proving their "superiority", and they will often claim superior intellect, experience, and knowledge over any person who does not have the same "level" of degree, (while at the same time usually diminishing and downplaying the degrees, certificates, and recognitions of those who have more or higher degrees than they do. In fact, if a Narcissist is reading this paragraph right now, they are probably arguing "but that IS what degrees and certificates mean! That I'm smarter, more experienced, and more knowledgeable!" Explaining why it doesn't would take another blog post.)
They seem to mentally DELETE 'process' and causality:
The girl who is a prostitute in the street was born that way~
The old man who lives only with his dog is alone because he's crazy, or old, or no one likes him~
The wealthy developer in town is just a better KIND of human being than the rest of the townsfolk~
The child who won the State Spelling Bee is just a brainiac freak~
The homeless woman downtown who sits on the bench was just born to be that way~
Their own career is successful because they are just that good KIND of human being.
Etc., etc.
Nothing happened to CAUSE anything, everything just IS because it IS.
Rain just falls, the sun just shines, people are just stupid or ignorant if they don't agree with my exact point of view, people just drop out of the sky the way they are, and the way their lives are.
