Judgment
and name-calling is usually really just deflection and projection. The
person who's afraid to be judged as a "loser" is the one who goes around
calling other people "losers", the person who's afraid he or she is
going to be called a "slut" goes around calling other people "whore".
The person who's always trying to get out of work, who wants to be rich
so he or she can sit on the beach all
day or play with his/her toys is the one going around calling other
people "lazy" and "shiftless". The person who secretly wants to be
included in the "popular" or "rich crowd" is the one going around
calling everyone who seems well-off or confident "stuck-up". The person
who wants to be known as an "Intellectual" and is worried they fall
short is the one calling anyone who seems intelligent "crazy" or
"stupid". The person who desires control and power is the one who
accuses anyone who doesn't put up with their BULLYING of being a control
freak. The person who wants to be seen as a Great Artist or a Great
Musician but is worried that they don't really have what it takes is the
one going around calling other artists and musicians "incompetent" or
"lame". The one who is secretly worried that they're the one who's crazy
is the one going around calling other people (or a target person)
crazy. The person who's fixated on worrying that they're going to be
seen as physically weak is the one who is always trying to prove that
someone else is physically weaker than they are. The person who's trying
to prove their own competence and intelligence because they're afraid
of being out-shined is the one who parades their degrees and
certificates as "proof" of their intelligence, and tries to diminish
anyone who doesn't possess the same certification.
Etc.
Where this comes from is often the environment the person has been living in, or was raised in; either family members, or the community, or both. A child who is exposed all the time to adults who do this judging, deflecting and projecting is of course going to be affected in some way, usually involving self-doubt, and fear of being the one who's being "judged" and "shamed". The child learns that whoever is not on the "right side" of these adults is a walking target. And that can change at a moment's notice, all it takes is for one of them to feel slightly envious or intimidated, or even a slight ego-boost, and they're off to the Gossip Races.
So the child, in their seeking ways to survive, may pick up the same habit of DEFLECTION and PROJECTION. When they feel like they've done something that could make them a target of gossip, like being late for work habitually, for example, the shame they feel acts as a trigger for deflection, and so they look for someone else to POINT AT, so everyone looks at that other person and not them.
My personal favorite that I've heard many times here in New England, where we have 2 large casinos and a few smaller ones, is when a person will go on and on about how they don't gamble, how they're not "one of those gambler people", how they stay away from "those places", but then they follow it with: "But give me a (insert illegal drug here) any day!"
They KNOW, subconsciously, that they are pointing at other people and grouping them together as "bad" in order to deflect that judgment that they feel about THEMSELVES, otherwise they wouldn't have connected the two. That's how they are able to rationalize doing illegal drugs~ "Look at THOSE people, they're "bad", I'm not one of them... therefore whatever I do is innocent".
The other thing the same people will do is talk about how they do one drug but NOT this OTHER drug.. because only "bad" people do that other drug.
You can find examples of this deflection/projection habit all over the place in regions where people FEAR (consciously or unconsciously) that they're going to be the next one JUDGED and SHAMED, and therefore REJECTED, SLANDERED, and/or OSTRACIZED. (In some even more severely dysfunctional groups, even physically attacked or killed).
The effect is exponential; the more people there are who do it, the more people there are who learn to do it out of self-preservation, and then it becomes a behavioral habit just like the others. The effects of it on the community are very far-reaching and damaging. Entire societies have been decimated as a result of this behavior becoming "normalized".
The only way to stop the cycle is for individuals to simply stop doing it, and teach their children not to participate in this behavior, and why it's wrong. Unfortunately few are strong enough to endure the difficulty that comes with standing on one's own feet in a community that is constantly throwing stones; one must endure getting stones thrown at them and not throw any back, so the dysfunction just continues until the entire community dissolves in a cesspool of corruption, hostility, and crime.
There are many stories, parables, fables, films, and even Twilight Zone and Outer Limits episodes illustrating this very well, but very few seem to grasp the message.
Etc.
Where this comes from is often the environment the person has been living in, or was raised in; either family members, or the community, or both. A child who is exposed all the time to adults who do this judging, deflecting and projecting is of course going to be affected in some way, usually involving self-doubt, and fear of being the one who's being "judged" and "shamed". The child learns that whoever is not on the "right side" of these adults is a walking target. And that can change at a moment's notice, all it takes is for one of them to feel slightly envious or intimidated, or even a slight ego-boost, and they're off to the Gossip Races.
So the child, in their seeking ways to survive, may pick up the same habit of DEFLECTION and PROJECTION. When they feel like they've done something that could make them a target of gossip, like being late for work habitually, for example, the shame they feel acts as a trigger for deflection, and so they look for someone else to POINT AT, so everyone looks at that other person and not them.
My personal favorite that I've heard many times here in New England, where we have 2 large casinos and a few smaller ones, is when a person will go on and on about how they don't gamble, how they're not "one of those gambler people", how they stay away from "those places", but then they follow it with: "But give me a (insert illegal drug here) any day!"
They KNOW, subconsciously, that they are pointing at other people and grouping them together as "bad" in order to deflect that judgment that they feel about THEMSELVES, otherwise they wouldn't have connected the two. That's how they are able to rationalize doing illegal drugs~ "Look at THOSE people, they're "bad", I'm not one of them... therefore whatever I do is innocent".
The other thing the same people will do is talk about how they do one drug but NOT this OTHER drug.. because only "bad" people do that other drug.
You can find examples of this deflection/projection habit all over the place in regions where people FEAR (consciously or unconsciously) that they're going to be the next one JUDGED and SHAMED, and therefore REJECTED, SLANDERED, and/or OSTRACIZED. (In some even more severely dysfunctional groups, even physically attacked or killed).
The effect is exponential; the more people there are who do it, the more people there are who learn to do it out of self-preservation, and then it becomes a behavioral habit just like the others. The effects of it on the community are very far-reaching and damaging. Entire societies have been decimated as a result of this behavior becoming "normalized".
The only way to stop the cycle is for individuals to simply stop doing it, and teach their children not to participate in this behavior, and why it's wrong. Unfortunately few are strong enough to endure the difficulty that comes with standing on one's own feet in a community that is constantly throwing stones; one must endure getting stones thrown at them and not throw any back, so the dysfunction just continues until the entire community dissolves in a cesspool of corruption, hostility, and crime.
There are many stories, parables, fables, films, and even Twilight Zone and Outer Limits episodes illustrating this very well, but very few seem to grasp the message.
