The habit of judging others to be "lesser" is of course much used by those afflicted with Narcissism, and also those who don't have "NPD", but who have not matured past the stage of categorizing people.
"I am one of the Good People, he/she is one of those Other People"
"Winners or Losers"
"Strong or Weak"
"Smart or Stupid"
"Skilled or Unskilled"
"Leader or Follower"
"Boss or Subordinate"
"Sane or Crazy"
"Innocent or Guilty"
"Clean or Unclean"
"Superior or Inferior"
"Experienced or Inexperienced"
"Talented or Untalented"
"Deserving or Undeserving"
"Normal or Weird"
"Capable or Incapable"
Etc, etc, etc.
This categorizing and labeling of people into "good" or "bad" groups is actually a developmental stage in childhood, when children are noticing that there are differences between people. The desire to be ACCEPTED by their peers, by their family, and by the community is the driving force behind their labeling others and labeling themselves.
This development runs throughout youth, but seems to peak in adolescence.
"WE are the cool kids, THEY are the jerks"
"WE are the strong ones, THEY are weaker than we are"
"WE are capable, THEY are not"
"WE are stable and responsible, THEY are LOSERS"
In many cultures, unfortunately, this developmental stage becomes a part of the culture itself when adults don't grow out of it and continue to remain in this stage throughout much of their lives. Adults who conduct themselves in this way are not able to guide and model mature behavior to the youths around them, and instead demonstrate that this stage is (erroneously) part of adulthood.
Adults often get stuck in this stage for various reasons, one of which is obviously because some of the adults they grew up around were stuck there also. Other reasons (which are related to the first one) include atmospheres of micro-judgment, of gossip and backstabbing, of bullying, and of criminal behavior. In such atmospheres, the child may FEAR being categorized as OTHER, because there will be consequences if they are from the immature people around them. Being categorized as "NOT ONE OF US" can end up with severe consequences such as reputation destruction, ostracism, sabotage, and even criminal harassment, assault, and theft. The less maturity and more fear a certain group has (family, community, society), the more severe the consequences.
Adults who hammer children with their "US vs. THEM" personal issues, and teach children to identify themselves as GROUP MEMBERS (race, ancestry, class, gender, activities, religion, politics) instead of as INDIVIDUALS exacerbate this developmental delay tremendously.
Teaching youth that they are "better" because they are NOT "one of those other people" (sex, class, religion, etc.) does not actually raise self-esteem and confidence, but instead causes a feeling of separation, and frequently causes identity confusion, even self-loathing. It also substitutes arrogance for confidence.
Arrogance is not healthy for the person who carries it, but confidence is. Arrogance causes a person to think in terms of "I'm good only if I'm better than someone else", confidence is "I'm good, and I feel comfortable with myself, and I like to learn from others." Arrogance seeks weakness in others in order to feel strong; confidence notices when someone else might need help, but honestly feels no haughtiness about being stronger in something than another. Arrogance seeks to STAY stronger in something than another, and fears the other being stronger. Confidence likes it when another becomes stronger in themselves, even if they become "better at" something than them. Arrogance can only feel good and normal if it has someone to compare itself to. Confidence feels good and normal no matter what.
"I am one of the Good People, he/she is one of those Other People"
"Winners or Losers"
"Strong or Weak"
"Smart or Stupid"
"Skilled or Unskilled"
"Leader or Follower"
"Boss or Subordinate"
"Sane or Crazy"
"Innocent or Guilty"
"Clean or Unclean"
"Superior or Inferior"
"Experienced or Inexperienced"
"Talented or Untalented"
"Deserving or Undeserving"
"Normal or Weird"
"Capable or Incapable"
Etc, etc, etc.
This categorizing and labeling of people into "good" or "bad" groups is actually a developmental stage in childhood, when children are noticing that there are differences between people. The desire to be ACCEPTED by their peers, by their family, and by the community is the driving force behind their labeling others and labeling themselves.
This development runs throughout youth, but seems to peak in adolescence.
"WE are the cool kids, THEY are the jerks"
"WE are the strong ones, THEY are weaker than we are"
"WE are capable, THEY are not"
"WE are stable and responsible, THEY are LOSERS"
In many cultures, unfortunately, this developmental stage becomes a part of the culture itself when adults don't grow out of it and continue to remain in this stage throughout much of their lives. Adults who conduct themselves in this way are not able to guide and model mature behavior to the youths around them, and instead demonstrate that this stage is (erroneously) part of adulthood.
Adults often get stuck in this stage for various reasons, one of which is obviously because some of the adults they grew up around were stuck there also. Other reasons (which are related to the first one) include atmospheres of micro-judgment, of gossip and backstabbing, of bullying, and of criminal behavior. In such atmospheres, the child may FEAR being categorized as OTHER, because there will be consequences if they are from the immature people around them. Being categorized as "NOT ONE OF US" can end up with severe consequences such as reputation destruction, ostracism, sabotage, and even criminal harassment, assault, and theft. The less maturity and more fear a certain group has (family, community, society), the more severe the consequences.
Adults who hammer children with their "US vs. THEM" personal issues, and teach children to identify themselves as GROUP MEMBERS (race, ancestry, class, gender, activities, religion, politics) instead of as INDIVIDUALS exacerbate this developmental delay tremendously.
Teaching youth that they are "better" because they are NOT "one of those other people" (sex, class, religion, etc.) does not actually raise self-esteem and confidence, but instead causes a feeling of separation, and frequently causes identity confusion, even self-loathing. It also substitutes arrogance for confidence.
Arrogance is not healthy for the person who carries it, but confidence is. Arrogance causes a person to think in terms of "I'm good only if I'm better than someone else", confidence is "I'm good, and I feel comfortable with myself, and I like to learn from others." Arrogance seeks weakness in others in order to feel strong; confidence notices when someone else might need help, but honestly feels no haughtiness about being stronger in something than another. Arrogance seeks to STAY stronger in something than another, and fears the other being stronger. Confidence likes it when another becomes stronger in themselves, even if they become "better at" something than them. Arrogance can only feel good and normal if it has someone to compare itself to. Confidence feels good and normal no matter what.
