The "self-improvement police".
"You should cut your hair" "You should get this job" "You need to clean your car" "You dwell in the past" "You need to shave" "You need to lose weight/gain weight" "You're too sensitive" "You need counseling" "Stand still let me fix you" "You should get your teeth fixed/whitened" "You should do something else instead of what you're doing" "You need to organize this room" "You need to change your wardrobe" "You need to stop doing this, that, or the other thing" "That shirt is ugly" "You would look better if you wore more makeup" "Why are you interested in that, it's stupid" "You shouldn't spend so much time doing that" "You need to ...." "You should..." "You'd be better if...."
Narcissists are self-improvement police who appoint themselves judge and jury for others, but not for themselves.
A red flag that someone might be a Narcissist is their implications that you need "improving", whether it's your appearance, your outfit, your net worth, what you spend your time on, your interests, your aspirations, your financing, your parenting, the way you walk, talk, and carry yourself, the way you comb your hair and how you tie your shoes.
"But I just CARE about you!"
So if that's why they're doing it, why don't they like it when you do the same thing to them? Isn't it just a form of affection?
Why don't they do it to everyone they care about, why only certain people? Why aren't they giving unsolicited advice, constant fashion criticism, unasked for life-coaching, and picking lint off of other people in their lives?
Oh... because they don't NEED the advice, those people have it "all together" already... YOU need it because you're such a ...
So anyway, yes, it's a red flag. When people do this, they either already see the target as a "lesser person" than themselves, or are trying to make it that way, displaying domination and superiority over the target.
The motives are varied, they're probably used to doing it to someone else, and trust that they'll get away with it again, like eating grapes in the supermarket. They might believe they really ARE superior to the target. They might be envious of the target, and are trying to squish them and make them smaller. It might be all of these things at the same time. Whatever the motive is, the goal is to make themselves be the "better" and "bigger" person and the target "smaller" and "lesser".
"You should cut your hair" "You should get this job" "You need to clean your car" "You dwell in the past" "You need to shave" "You need to lose weight/gain weight" "You're too sensitive" "You need counseling" "Stand still let me fix you" "You should get your teeth fixed/whitened" "You should do something else instead of what you're doing" "You need to organize this room" "You need to change your wardrobe" "You need to stop doing this, that, or the other thing" "That shirt is ugly" "You would look better if you wore more makeup" "Why are you interested in that, it's stupid" "You shouldn't spend so much time doing that" "You need to ...." "You should..." "You'd be better if...."
Narcissists are self-improvement police who appoint themselves judge and jury for others, but not for themselves.
A red flag that someone might be a Narcissist is their implications that you need "improving", whether it's your appearance, your outfit, your net worth, what you spend your time on, your interests, your aspirations, your financing, your parenting, the way you walk, talk, and carry yourself, the way you comb your hair and how you tie your shoes.
"But I just CARE about you!"
So if that's why they're doing it, why don't they like it when you do the same thing to them? Isn't it just a form of affection?
Why don't they do it to everyone they care about, why only certain people? Why aren't they giving unsolicited advice, constant fashion criticism, unasked for life-coaching, and picking lint off of other people in their lives?
Oh... because they don't NEED the advice, those people have it "all together" already... YOU need it because you're such a ...
So anyway, yes, it's a red flag. When people do this, they either already see the target as a "lesser person" than themselves, or are trying to make it that way, displaying domination and superiority over the target.
The motives are varied, they're probably used to doing it to someone else, and trust that they'll get away with it again, like eating grapes in the supermarket. They might believe they really ARE superior to the target. They might be envious of the target, and are trying to squish them and make them smaller. It might be all of these things at the same time. Whatever the motive is, the goal is to make themselves be the "better" and "bigger" person and the target "smaller" and "lesser".
