Placing "value judgment" on everything and everyone can be a sign of a personality disorder, a mental illness, OR it can actually be a LEARNED behavior either from family members, community, or the culture itself. The behavior is used in place of healthy bonding, and is used as a tool of control and manipulation. It is ALSO used as a way to get attention from others, especially in the midst of a dysfunctional group (the only way to get even a small bit of attention is to act a certain way, go along with certain others, or make a big deal out of things one talks about).
Commonly, communities and groups that are heavy with Value Judgers do not produce a lot of success for individuals; only certain individuals may achieve certain levels of success, but others are not supported or encouraged, and therefore the entire group/community does not flourish but often actually withers and becomes more and more chaotic, corrupt, or "depressed", over time.
"Value judgers" are fixated on trying to find "moral high ground", and will use anything at all for this purpose, including things that are actually completely neutral and CAN'T indicate the "moral character" of a person. They will also commonly twist reality to make it appear a certain way so they can place the Value judgment that they want to place on a certain person.
Judging another as "bad" every time the person does not fulfill the judger's wishes or expectations, or when the person does not allow the Judger to insult or control them, is very common. Judging another as "good" when a person flatters them, goes along with them, or gives them gifts is also very common.
"Value judgers" will judge children, the elderly, and anyone else in the same way as they place value judgments on their peers. Many will even include animals. Children do this as a normal developmental stage: The "bad" lion hurt the "good" antelope", but adults who have not outgrown this immature perception of the world (or who have not been guided otherwise) may remain in this stage throughout their lifetimes.
They will judge others and themselves on the most neutral things imaginable, such as the tires on their truck; what time a person goes to bed or gets up in the morning or how much they sleep; their hair cut and hair color; their shoes; their accent, their skin color; their gender; their body art or lack thereof; their bank account (big or small). The flowers in their garden. The car they drive, the job they have, their academic standing, the age they were when they had a child; the child's other parent; the classes they take in school, whether they do sports or not; whether they do music or not; what kind of sports or music.... the brand of jeans they're wearing (or if they don't wear jeans)... their pets, their jewelry, the color of their lipstick, their height and weight;
anything and everything is "fodder" for a Value Judger.
MISTAKES other people seem to have made, and even traumas they have experienced, recent or in the past, are also fodder for Value Judgers. They will try to make literally ANYTHING become "evidence" for their Value Judgments, about whether a person is "good" or "bad", "deserving" or "undeserving", "trustworthy" or "non-trustworthy", "included" or "excluded".
If one's group does this as a matter of daily living, and no one stops it or challenges it, then one would most likely believe that it's just as much a normal part of life as eating and sleeping.
Value Judgers believe that they can "fill in the blanks". Literally what this means is they believe that they KNOW what they DON'T KNOW. And they think one thing ALWAYS MEANS a certain OTHER thing, whatever that might be. They are also quite in the habit of hiding things about themselves that others might place a "negative Value Judgment" on, or being continually defensive of being judged. If one is always judging others, one assumes that others are always judging one's self.
~
*(Sociapathic Value Judgers often DO actually know that they don't know the "real story", but enjoy weaving fiction and getting others to believe them. Most Value Judgers, however, are just living in their imaginations and learned behavior, and don't realize it).
So, the man across the street has a an older car that's dirty and has stuff in it~ what does that MEAN... does it mean he's very busy with his work? That he's a lazy slob? That he's a drug addict? That he's an eccentric genius? That he's a "good person" or a "bad person"?
It means: None of the above, if one is attached to reality. There is zero evidence of any "reason" why his car is dirty and there's stuff in it. It just IS, and why is anyone focusing on it or making a big deal out of it at all?
Why~ because it gives them a rush, it makes them feel clever, it makes them feel bonded together when they talk about him, and it gives them a sense of security, power, and control.
Instead of actually being a "neighbor" to the man and talking TO him, and NOT making completely baseless assumptions about him that have nothing to do with reality, they sit on the couch and look out the window (or on the porch, or walk by in the road) and project their OWN SELVES onto him. The people around him are CHOOSING to do this, they aren't being MADE to do this by some "universal compulsion".
The more people who do this in the neighborhood, the more the neighborhood turns into a big soap opera.
This same thing happens within schools, at workplaces, out in the community, in organizations and clubs, and within families.
"This means he's a good person" and "This means he's a bad person". "That means she's a good person" and "That means she's a bad person". The CRITERIA that value-judgers use is not objective, it's subjective. They often have learned "what's good" and "what's bad" from someone else under the guise of morality. True "morality" is OBJECTIVE, not subjective. In other words, the rules don't change according to who is doing the judging, or who is being JUDGED. True morality is ONLY about life being healthy, free, and positive for every member of the group AND the group as a whole, NOT "only for certain members" of the group, but not others. Anything else is SUBJECTIVE; the "rules" are RE-WRITTEN by whoever is trying to control someone else, or trying to make themselves or someone else appear "Good".
An example we can see every day in this country is when a Police Officer who is a "value judger" pulls one person over but NOT another for speeding on a highway, based on the Officer's own personal biases. Even if the Officer is NOT "profiling" for who to pull over, he or she might be "profiling" for who to LET GO. So we see a full size Dodge Ram fly by us at 85 mph, and they don't get pulled over, but the little red Honda who was going 75 mph gets pulled over and ticketed. Not because the Officer has a thing against little red Hondas, but because he or she is biased FOR people who drive pick-up trucks. Someone has to get pulled over, but it's not going to be who the Officer has bias FOR. This particular officer sees a pick-up truck and thinks "Dad" or "Uncle", or "Brother" or "Self", and either doesn't pull the truck over because he/she fears either disapproval or actual hostility from the driver, or he/she is simply biased and WANTS them to "get away" with speeding.
*(Of COURSE not "all" Police Officers have bias and value judgment issues, there are many who have the ability to be objective and fair, who don't have racism, sexism or "class" issues, and who comprehend and uphold real integrity and what "Protect and Serve" really means, and I for one am very grateful for their strength of character and intelligence, especially in the situations they are in every day.)
For another obvious and common example, if sexual behavior is "bad" when one person does it, then it's exactly the SAME "bad" when another person does it. If John is "sleeping around" and getting called a "Stud", but Gina is getting called a "Slut" for the exact same behavior, then there is ABSOLUTELY an epidemic of "value judgment" going on within the community. And if John and Gina are young people, then the origin of the habit of placing SUBJECTIVE "value judgment" on behaviors and people almost certainly lies on some or many of the adults in the area.
So, is the act of "sleeping around" a bad thing, a good thing, or a neutral thing? Is there something bad about it, and if so, WHAT?
Personally I can list about 5 serious consequences for it off the top of my head WITHOUT casting moral judgment on it one way or the other, and the fact is that they ALL would apply to both Gina AND John, quite equally. And those consequences would apply to any other human who engaged in the behavior, as well as those around them. The difference between the judgment toward Gina then toward John is literally the people doing the judging. From a scientific, physiological, psychological and community-health point of view, neither Gina NOR John "should be" sleeping around; the potential for consequences for themselves AND FOR others is very high, almost guaranteed. Placing different values on the behavior for John or for Gina is a glaring and obvious example of controlling and conditioning BOTH of them, AND an attempt to REWRITE REALITY on the part of the "judgers".
In a group that does not place "Value Judgments", fairness, integrity, neutrality, and a LACK OF UNNECESSARY DRAMA are the order of the day, on a regular basis. No one is trying to prove anything about themselves to others, mistakes are mistakes and not "FAILURES", accomplishments, achievements and ideas are simply recognized and supported, not exaggerated into something HUGE, for good or for ill; individuals get recognized, supported, and treated fairly by one another. Supporting other people is a part of daily life, not finding ways to "judge" others as "bad" or "undeserving", or finding excuses to put certain people up on a pedestal. Drama-free, progress and peace oriented.
Commonly, communities and groups that are heavy with Value Judgers do not produce a lot of success for individuals; only certain individuals may achieve certain levels of success, but others are not supported or encouraged, and therefore the entire group/community does not flourish but often actually withers and becomes more and more chaotic, corrupt, or "depressed", over time.
"Value judgers" are fixated on trying to find "moral high ground", and will use anything at all for this purpose, including things that are actually completely neutral and CAN'T indicate the "moral character" of a person. They will also commonly twist reality to make it appear a certain way so they can place the Value judgment that they want to place on a certain person.
Judging another as "bad" every time the person does not fulfill the judger's wishes or expectations, or when the person does not allow the Judger to insult or control them, is very common. Judging another as "good" when a person flatters them, goes along with them, or gives them gifts is also very common.
"Value judgers" will judge children, the elderly, and anyone else in the same way as they place value judgments on their peers. Many will even include animals. Children do this as a normal developmental stage: The "bad" lion hurt the "good" antelope", but adults who have not outgrown this immature perception of the world (or who have not been guided otherwise) may remain in this stage throughout their lifetimes.
They will judge others and themselves on the most neutral things imaginable, such as the tires on their truck; what time a person goes to bed or gets up in the morning or how much they sleep; their hair cut and hair color; their shoes; their accent, their skin color; their gender; their body art or lack thereof; their bank account (big or small). The flowers in their garden. The car they drive, the job they have, their academic standing, the age they were when they had a child; the child's other parent; the classes they take in school, whether they do sports or not; whether they do music or not; what kind of sports or music.... the brand of jeans they're wearing (or if they don't wear jeans)... their pets, their jewelry, the color of their lipstick, their height and weight;
anything and everything is "fodder" for a Value Judger.
MISTAKES other people seem to have made, and even traumas they have experienced, recent or in the past, are also fodder for Value Judgers. They will try to make literally ANYTHING become "evidence" for their Value Judgments, about whether a person is "good" or "bad", "deserving" or "undeserving", "trustworthy" or "non-trustworthy", "included" or "excluded".
If one's group does this as a matter of daily living, and no one stops it or challenges it, then one would most likely believe that it's just as much a normal part of life as eating and sleeping.
Value Judgers believe that they can "fill in the blanks". Literally what this means is they believe that they KNOW what they DON'T KNOW. And they think one thing ALWAYS MEANS a certain OTHER thing, whatever that might be. They are also quite in the habit of hiding things about themselves that others might place a "negative Value Judgment" on, or being continually defensive of being judged. If one is always judging others, one assumes that others are always judging one's self.
~
*(Sociapathic Value Judgers often DO actually know that they don't know the "real story", but enjoy weaving fiction and getting others to believe them. Most Value Judgers, however, are just living in their imaginations and learned behavior, and don't realize it).
So, the man across the street has a an older car that's dirty and has stuff in it~ what does that MEAN... does it mean he's very busy with his work? That he's a lazy slob? That he's a drug addict? That he's an eccentric genius? That he's a "good person" or a "bad person"?
It means: None of the above, if one is attached to reality. There is zero evidence of any "reason" why his car is dirty and there's stuff in it. It just IS, and why is anyone focusing on it or making a big deal out of it at all?
Why~ because it gives them a rush, it makes them feel clever, it makes them feel bonded together when they talk about him, and it gives them a sense of security, power, and control.
Instead of actually being a "neighbor" to the man and talking TO him, and NOT making completely baseless assumptions about him that have nothing to do with reality, they sit on the couch and look out the window (or on the porch, or walk by in the road) and project their OWN SELVES onto him. The people around him are CHOOSING to do this, they aren't being MADE to do this by some "universal compulsion".
The more people who do this in the neighborhood, the more the neighborhood turns into a big soap opera.
This same thing happens within schools, at workplaces, out in the community, in organizations and clubs, and within families.
"This means he's a good person" and "This means he's a bad person". "That means she's a good person" and "That means she's a bad person". The CRITERIA that value-judgers use is not objective, it's subjective. They often have learned "what's good" and "what's bad" from someone else under the guise of morality. True "morality" is OBJECTIVE, not subjective. In other words, the rules don't change according to who is doing the judging, or who is being JUDGED. True morality is ONLY about life being healthy, free, and positive for every member of the group AND the group as a whole, NOT "only for certain members" of the group, but not others. Anything else is SUBJECTIVE; the "rules" are RE-WRITTEN by whoever is trying to control someone else, or trying to make themselves or someone else appear "Good".
An example we can see every day in this country is when a Police Officer who is a "value judger" pulls one person over but NOT another for speeding on a highway, based on the Officer's own personal biases. Even if the Officer is NOT "profiling" for who to pull over, he or she might be "profiling" for who to LET GO. So we see a full size Dodge Ram fly by us at 85 mph, and they don't get pulled over, but the little red Honda who was going 75 mph gets pulled over and ticketed. Not because the Officer has a thing against little red Hondas, but because he or she is biased FOR people who drive pick-up trucks. Someone has to get pulled over, but it's not going to be who the Officer has bias FOR. This particular officer sees a pick-up truck and thinks "Dad" or "Uncle", or "Brother" or "Self", and either doesn't pull the truck over because he/she fears either disapproval or actual hostility from the driver, or he/she is simply biased and WANTS them to "get away" with speeding.
*(Of COURSE not "all" Police Officers have bias and value judgment issues, there are many who have the ability to be objective and fair, who don't have racism, sexism or "class" issues, and who comprehend and uphold real integrity and what "Protect and Serve" really means, and I for one am very grateful for their strength of character and intelligence, especially in the situations they are in every day.)
For another obvious and common example, if sexual behavior is "bad" when one person does it, then it's exactly the SAME "bad" when another person does it. If John is "sleeping around" and getting called a "Stud", but Gina is getting called a "Slut" for the exact same behavior, then there is ABSOLUTELY an epidemic of "value judgment" going on within the community. And if John and Gina are young people, then the origin of the habit of placing SUBJECTIVE "value judgment" on behaviors and people almost certainly lies on some or many of the adults in the area.
So, is the act of "sleeping around" a bad thing, a good thing, or a neutral thing? Is there something bad about it, and if so, WHAT?
Personally I can list about 5 serious consequences for it off the top of my head WITHOUT casting moral judgment on it one way or the other, and the fact is that they ALL would apply to both Gina AND John, quite equally. And those consequences would apply to any other human who engaged in the behavior, as well as those around them. The difference between the judgment toward Gina then toward John is literally the people doing the judging. From a scientific, physiological, psychological and community-health point of view, neither Gina NOR John "should be" sleeping around; the potential for consequences for themselves AND FOR others is very high, almost guaranteed. Placing different values on the behavior for John or for Gina is a glaring and obvious example of controlling and conditioning BOTH of them, AND an attempt to REWRITE REALITY on the part of the "judgers".
In a group that does not place "Value Judgments", fairness, integrity, neutrality, and a LACK OF UNNECESSARY DRAMA are the order of the day, on a regular basis. No one is trying to prove anything about themselves to others, mistakes are mistakes and not "FAILURES", accomplishments, achievements and ideas are simply recognized and supported, not exaggerated into something HUGE, for good or for ill; individuals get recognized, supported, and treated fairly by one another. Supporting other people is a part of daily life, not finding ways to "judge" others as "bad" or "undeserving", or finding excuses to put certain people up on a pedestal. Drama-free, progress and peace oriented.
