The rejection of another person's reality is a symptom of being used to living in fantasy about one's own life.
If a person needs to believe certain things about their life, themselves, and others in order to feel like a valuable person, then those beliefs and the stories that they are built upon can not be challenged.
A common fantasy that many people share is that they are one of the people who are above reproach, and are higher in 'natural status' than others around them. This allows them to believe that they are naturally more logical, more grounded, more responsible, and more emotionally stable than certain others whom they have designated as lower status than themselves. This allows them to believe that they are entitled to privilege, care, love, understanding, sympathy, resources OVER others. It also encourages them to believe they are entitled to have authority over those who are not included in their elite "good person" group.
This common fantasy is usually shared with one or more people in the person's life, and in fact they have likely actually adapted the fantasy from others who already live in it.
One of the behaviors that is nearly always visible when this fantasy is present is the labeling of others in negative ways. Projected "bad character" is placed on others in a blanket way, and projected "good character" is placed on themselves, and those within the shared fantasy.
Labels that categorize others in a blanket way as "bad people" such as "unstable", "loser", "emotional", "hostile", "lazy", "slut", "whackjob", "right-fighter", "naive", "self-centered", "stuck-up", etc are simply methods of ignoring and covering up events and details of reality, and casting the person in a bad light. If a person is upset about something that happened to them, then categorizing them as a "nutjob" is a way to have an excuse to ignore and invalidate them. This comes in very handy when a person is upset about something that someone else did TO them; the offender's actions get minimized, twisted completely, or even deleted, they never have to account for what they did, and as an added benefit, they even get to look like the "victim" of the other person, instead of the reality of it being the other way around.
Labels that categorize themselves and others who share their fantasy as "good people" such as "compassionate", "helpful", "hard worker", "responsible", "smart", "sweet", "generous", "down to earth", are also ways of clothing a person in a blanket judgment to keep the fantasy alive, and to keep their transgressions and not so nice motives hidden. If a person is labeled as "good people", then any sins they commit that are SEEN will be automatically painted as innocent mistakes, or unintentional, or because of stress.
People who live in and with this common fantasy can be heard using descriptive terms about other people frequently, INSTEAD of reviewing actual events in order to understand what really happened. They don't WANT to hear what happened, they don't WANT to talk about details, and they don't WANT to know all sides or points of view. They are ONLY concerned with keeping their fantasy alive of who is in the "good person/entitled person" group and who is not, which means reality is not welcome, because it would destroy the fantasy.
The importance of keeping the fantasy going and keeping one's self in the "good person" group can actually mean the difference between having access to resources, care, and normal living, and being ostracized from the person's family and community, because these fantasies are usually originated and carried by others who actually hold real control, power, and resources. When the fantasy is SHARED, then others are also invested in it, so when someone does NOT perpetuate the fantasy and begins to actually LOOK at real events, they are an immediate THREAT. They will often be quickly rallied against and ejected from the group with prejudice. If a person stands up FOR a person who has been treated unfairly or badly by those in the "good person" group, they will usually be quickly rallied against and rejected, and RE-CATEGORIZED and RE-LABELED in the "bad person" group.
When a person does anything at all, real or IMAGINARY, that leads to them being ejected from the "good person/entitled person" group, they will then be re-categorized as NOT "one of the good/entitled people", and therefore will be blocked from resources, denied care, sympathy, and support, will be denied recognition and credit for anything they do, and will be blocked, sabotaged, countered, and invalidated at every turn. Nothing they say from that day forward will be heard or taken seriously by anyone in the "good person/entitled person" group.
The fantasy is actually a shared consensus that is kept alive BY these changes in "membership". If there is no one to reject, then there's no more fantasy, and the pain of reality starts to creep in. Those who live in this fantasy may not KNOW that there is another way to live that doesn't cause so much drama and harm to people, but it's also possible that they do know, and don't care, because the fantasy seems to work better for them than real life.
If a person needs to believe certain things about their life, themselves, and others in order to feel like a valuable person, then those beliefs and the stories that they are built upon can not be challenged.
A common fantasy that many people share is that they are one of the people who are above reproach, and are higher in 'natural status' than others around them. This allows them to believe that they are naturally more logical, more grounded, more responsible, and more emotionally stable than certain others whom they have designated as lower status than themselves. This allows them to believe that they are entitled to privilege, care, love, understanding, sympathy, resources OVER others. It also encourages them to believe they are entitled to have authority over those who are not included in their elite "good person" group.
This common fantasy is usually shared with one or more people in the person's life, and in fact they have likely actually adapted the fantasy from others who already live in it.
One of the behaviors that is nearly always visible when this fantasy is present is the labeling of others in negative ways. Projected "bad character" is placed on others in a blanket way, and projected "good character" is placed on themselves, and those within the shared fantasy.
Labels that categorize others in a blanket way as "bad people" such as "unstable", "loser", "emotional", "hostile", "lazy", "slut", "whackjob", "right-fighter", "naive", "self-centered", "stuck-up", etc are simply methods of ignoring and covering up events and details of reality, and casting the person in a bad light. If a person is upset about something that happened to them, then categorizing them as a "nutjob" is a way to have an excuse to ignore and invalidate them. This comes in very handy when a person is upset about something that someone else did TO them; the offender's actions get minimized, twisted completely, or even deleted, they never have to account for what they did, and as an added benefit, they even get to look like the "victim" of the other person, instead of the reality of it being the other way around.
Labels that categorize themselves and others who share their fantasy as "good people" such as "compassionate", "helpful", "hard worker", "responsible", "smart", "sweet", "generous", "down to earth", are also ways of clothing a person in a blanket judgment to keep the fantasy alive, and to keep their transgressions and not so nice motives hidden. If a person is labeled as "good people", then any sins they commit that are SEEN will be automatically painted as innocent mistakes, or unintentional, or because of stress.
People who live in and with this common fantasy can be heard using descriptive terms about other people frequently, INSTEAD of reviewing actual events in order to understand what really happened. They don't WANT to hear what happened, they don't WANT to talk about details, and they don't WANT to know all sides or points of view. They are ONLY concerned with keeping their fantasy alive of who is in the "good person/entitled person" group and who is not, which means reality is not welcome, because it would destroy the fantasy.
The importance of keeping the fantasy going and keeping one's self in the "good person" group can actually mean the difference between having access to resources, care, and normal living, and being ostracized from the person's family and community, because these fantasies are usually originated and carried by others who actually hold real control, power, and resources. When the fantasy is SHARED, then others are also invested in it, so when someone does NOT perpetuate the fantasy and begins to actually LOOK at real events, they are an immediate THREAT. They will often be quickly rallied against and ejected from the group with prejudice. If a person stands up FOR a person who has been treated unfairly or badly by those in the "good person" group, they will usually be quickly rallied against and rejected, and RE-CATEGORIZED and RE-LABELED in the "bad person" group.
When a person does anything at all, real or IMAGINARY, that leads to them being ejected from the "good person/entitled person" group, they will then be re-categorized as NOT "one of the good/entitled people", and therefore will be blocked from resources, denied care, sympathy, and support, will be denied recognition and credit for anything they do, and will be blocked, sabotaged, countered, and invalidated at every turn. Nothing they say from that day forward will be heard or taken seriously by anyone in the "good person/entitled person" group.
The fantasy is actually a shared consensus that is kept alive BY these changes in "membership". If there is no one to reject, then there's no more fantasy, and the pain of reality starts to creep in. Those who live in this fantasy may not KNOW that there is another way to live that doesn't cause so much drama and harm to people, but it's also possible that they do know, and don't care, because the fantasy seems to work better for them than real life.
