A red
flag of Codependency OR Narcissism is when a person talks about their
spouse, partner, friend, family member, or business partner in a
deprecating way, as if the person is very hard to live with and deal
with, but makes no move to fix anything, or simply end the relationship,
or move on and out.
"I can't stand him he's such an a**hole, so sick of his issues."
"That pain in the ass"
"She's a royal b****, she drives me crazy."
"Nag nag nag..."
"Oh it's HIM again, I have to answer this"
"Here we go again, it's HER..."
Or TO the person.
"All you do is yak, yak, yak.."
"Go f. yourself..."
"Did we take our B. pills today?"
"What is it NOW?!"
"You are such a know it all, pain in my ass!"
"We're DONE!"
Those are things that a healthy person MIGHT say about someone they are trying to get away from, right now. Not next week, not six months from now, but RIGHT NOW. If the relationship is that awful, then plans should be already made and moving forward for the person to make a hasty departure.
BUT... people who are Controllers WANT someone they can use for a punching bag. They want someone around who they can complain about, who they can trash to be "COOL", and who they can use to paint themselves a victim. They often want someone around who they can USE as a servant, a decoration, a sex doll, a a surrogate parent for themselves, a parent for "THEIR kids", a paycheck, etc. in a one-sided relationship, or someone who they can play out their past on.
Controllers who have Narcissism especially, will NOT go to counseling, will NOT communicate civilly and caringly with the person and try to repair the relationship, will NOT learn about themselves and their own behavior, will NOT follow through on anything, and will DO NOTHING significant to improve the relationship. They will take NO responsibility, usually, for their own contribution.
If a person acts like they CAN NOT STAND another person, are always MAD at another person, are always ACCUSING the other person, but they do nothing except complain and rage at them, or about them, then they are almost certainly either seriously Codependent or a Narcissist, or BOTH.
"I can't stand him he's such an a**hole, so sick of his issues."
"That pain in the ass"
"She's a royal b****, she drives me crazy."
"Nag nag nag..."
"Oh it's HIM again, I have to answer this"
"Here we go again, it's HER..."
Or TO the person.
"All you do is yak, yak, yak.."
"Go f. yourself..."
"Did we take our B. pills today?"
"What is it NOW?!"
"You are such a know it all, pain in my ass!"
"We're DONE!"
Those are things that a healthy person MIGHT say about someone they are trying to get away from, right now. Not next week, not six months from now, but RIGHT NOW. If the relationship is that awful, then plans should be already made and moving forward for the person to make a hasty departure.
BUT... people who are Controllers WANT someone they can use for a punching bag. They want someone around who they can complain about, who they can trash to be "COOL", and who they can use to paint themselves a victim. They often want someone around who they can USE as a servant, a decoration, a sex doll, a a surrogate parent for themselves, a parent for "THEIR kids", a paycheck, etc. in a one-sided relationship, or someone who they can play out their past on.
Controllers who have Narcissism especially, will NOT go to counseling, will NOT communicate civilly and caringly with the person and try to repair the relationship, will NOT learn about themselves and their own behavior, will NOT follow through on anything, and will DO NOTHING significant to improve the relationship. They will take NO responsibility, usually, for their own contribution.
If a person acts like they CAN NOT STAND another person, are always MAD at another person, are always ACCUSING the other person, but they do nothing except complain and rage at them, or about them, then they are almost certainly either seriously Codependent or a Narcissist, or BOTH.
