Injured or weakened boundaries is something that both abuse targets and abusers have in common.
That's often the thing people mistake for "kindred spirit".
~Someone who has similar injuries as I do, therefore they must "get" me, "get" what it's like to be targeted with abusive behavior and prejudice, "get" where I'm coming from and my point of view, and respect me as a valid human being.
Having injured or weakened boundaries does not mean anything at all about a person's character, core personality, values, biases, motives, brain function, or point of view.
But that's something that most people seem to learn the hard way, given that few are actually taught or guided about these issues while growing up.
In fact, many adults in many cultures and communities will deny that it even exists, and will often put the blame for abusive, bullying, or prejudice behavior on the targets instead of the perpetrators. They actually teach targets to blame themselves for other people's ill treatment toward them, and to sympathize instead with bullies, controllers, and perpetrators.
They often even encourage a reaction of "compassion", empathy, and extra tolerance for them, far above and beyond their "compassion" for targets and victims.
One can witness this in action by watching the way many male trauma-victims are treated BEFORE and AFTER their trauma experience. For example, a male fire-fighter first-responder to the Twin Towers tragedy was treated with great bias, as a walking "hero", being given the "privilege treatment" on a regular basis BEFORE he experienced PTSD symptoms. But AFTER he started displaying them, others around him stopped giving him the "Hero/Great Guy" treatment, and started treated him like an "annoying whiner with Victim-mentality".
Those people included his own "friends" and family members.
One can witness this in many Veteran's hospitals. Men who were treated as "Heroes" and given the "Great Guy" treatment by their community are often treated with amazing disrespect and disdain when they seek treatment for PTSD or other problems they're experiencing, not only by the people around them generally, but also by many Hospital staff members, never mind the government or insurance companies.
This REJECTING OF and TURNING ON those who have experienced trauma, who show symptoms of the effects of trauma, or even who are known to have been targeted/victimized by abuse, sabotage, or BIAS and PREJUDICE (racism, sexism, etc) has been going on in our species for centuries.
It is modeled and passed down from generation to generation, all over the world, possibly in nearly every culture and country.
The ILL EFFECTS of this behavior can be seen very clearly in our world, both on a large scale and a personal scale. People actually TEACH other people to sympathize with and allow bullies and controllers to treat others with bias and contempt, and allow them to get their way, and gain power and resources.
A large part of this is basic Chimpanzee behavior, where members of the troupe allow bullying and aggressive behavior because they don't know any better. They grew up that way, so they don't do anything to change it.
Bonobos, also Chimpanzees, do NOT allow aggression or bullying, and live peacefully.
Studies have shown that a Chimpanzees placed in Bonobo society will adapt and learn their peaceful, non-aggressive, non-bullying, minimal "hierarchy" social behaviors.
That's often the thing people mistake for "kindred spirit".
~Someone who has similar injuries as I do, therefore they must "get" me, "get" what it's like to be targeted with abusive behavior and prejudice, "get" where I'm coming from and my point of view, and respect me as a valid human being.
Having injured or weakened boundaries does not mean anything at all about a person's character, core personality, values, biases, motives, brain function, or point of view.
But that's something that most people seem to learn the hard way, given that few are actually taught or guided about these issues while growing up.
In fact, many adults in many cultures and communities will deny that it even exists, and will often put the blame for abusive, bullying, or prejudice behavior on the targets instead of the perpetrators. They actually teach targets to blame themselves for other people's ill treatment toward them, and to sympathize instead with bullies, controllers, and perpetrators.
They often even encourage a reaction of "compassion", empathy, and extra tolerance for them, far above and beyond their "compassion" for targets and victims.
One can witness this in action by watching the way many male trauma-victims are treated BEFORE and AFTER their trauma experience. For example, a male fire-fighter first-responder to the Twin Towers tragedy was treated with great bias, as a walking "hero", being given the "privilege treatment" on a regular basis BEFORE he experienced PTSD symptoms. But AFTER he started displaying them, others around him stopped giving him the "Hero/Great Guy" treatment, and started treated him like an "annoying whiner with Victim-mentality".
Those people included his own "friends" and family members.
One can witness this in many Veteran's hospitals. Men who were treated as "Heroes" and given the "Great Guy" treatment by their community are often treated with amazing disrespect and disdain when they seek treatment for PTSD or other problems they're experiencing, not only by the people around them generally, but also by many Hospital staff members, never mind the government or insurance companies.
This REJECTING OF and TURNING ON those who have experienced trauma, who show symptoms of the effects of trauma, or even who are known to have been targeted/victimized by abuse, sabotage, or BIAS and PREJUDICE (racism, sexism, etc) has been going on in our species for centuries.
It is modeled and passed down from generation to generation, all over the world, possibly in nearly every culture and country.
The ILL EFFECTS of this behavior can be seen very clearly in our world, both on a large scale and a personal scale. People actually TEACH other people to sympathize with and allow bullies and controllers to treat others with bias and contempt, and allow them to get their way, and gain power and resources.
A large part of this is basic Chimpanzee behavior, where members of the troupe allow bullying and aggressive behavior because they don't know any better. They grew up that way, so they don't do anything to change it.
Bonobos, also Chimpanzees, do NOT allow aggression or bullying, and live peacefully.
Studies have shown that a Chimpanzees placed in Bonobo society will adapt and learn their peaceful, non-aggressive, non-bullying, minimal "hierarchy" social behaviors.
