Making People Smaller, Weaker, and Unimportant is one of the Narcissist's main life hobbies, and one of the ways they get through life and get things they want.
Emotionally healthy people don't need to try to make others into something "lesser" in order to makes themselves look "greater" or "worthy", they operate with what's REALLY THERE.
So if an emotionally healthy person is in a Dance Class with an exceptionally talented dancer, they simply accept the person's exceptional talent and give credit where it's due. Even if they feel an occasion twinge of jealousy or envy (and it would only be an occasional twinge), they wouldn't ACT on it, and they would recognize it for what it is; their OWN insecurity issues. An emotionally healthy person is likely to be inspired by the other dancer and try to learn from their skill or their passion.
For an emotionally healthy person, that very talented dancer's ability would be kept separate from the dancer's personality and social behavior, they wouldn't see them as one and the same. They wouldn't try to pin "arrogance" or "snottiness" on the dancer when it doesn't exist, just because they feel intimidated or out-shined. By the same token, they would not EXCUSE arrogant or bullish behavior from that dancer either, just because the person is so talented, or because they think they're "cool".
The fellow dancer's ability would not be ENMESHED in the healthy person's mind with the fellow dancer's personality and behavior.
However if a Narcissist is in a Dance Class with an exceptionally talented dancer, they would make everything about it personal. Narcissists are not capable of neutrality, OR real student-hood, or professionalism. They LEAD with their EMOTIONS, and their actions and behaviors are DICTATED BY their emotional reactions, which rarely or never include "empathy".
A fellow dancer with exceptional talent (or apparent physical attractiveness, wealth, or 'status') means the Narcissist will EITHER try to be the dancer's "buddy", OR they will try to DIMINISH the dancer somehow.
There will be NO neutrality.
The only reason a Narcissist would not engage in either trying to buddy up to the person or trying to diminish the person would be FEAR of consequence. If the fear factor is small or absent, then the "games" WILL commence.
So the Narcissist might try to create a situation where they just "happen" to end up alone with the fellow dancer, or they just happen to be there when the fellow dancer needs assistance or emotional support, or they might even sabotage the fellow dancer so they can be the one to stick up for them or "rescue" them; all ploys to try to get the dancer to trust them or bond with them.
OR,
The Narcissist might devalue them from the get-go and insult them, humiliate them, counter everything they say, make fun of their dancing or appearance, and also try to get others to believe in their devaluation of the fellow dancer.
The most common go-to manipulation is to spread a belief that the targeted person is a morally "bad person", and not NEARLY as "nice" or "honest" or "genuine" as they seem.
One of the favorite smear campaigns against either female or male targets is telling others that the target person said something BAD about them. "She said you were too fat to dance." or "He called you a slut." or "I didn't like what she said about you..." ... ...
Implying that the target has insulted or attacked another person behind their back is probably the most common way that manipulators successfully turn people against a chosen target, or against one another.
~Narcissists will even purposely set a target up during conversation, trying to get them to say something that they can use against them later - either about themselves or about someone else. For instance the N. might "lead" the target about how Nancy said this or that and is a terrible friend, goading the target to agree with them for as long as it takes; when the target finally says something like "Okay I guess you're right, I guess Nancy is a jerk..." that's all they need; they'll go back and tell Nancy that the target was talking "smack" about her and called her a jerk.
WHY would a person go through all that setting up and goading, when they could have simply told a bold-faced LIE? ~Because most people with Narcissism are usually obsessed with JUSTIFYING everything they do, so they need excuses for the things they do. They can't FEEL "innocent" without having an excuse to justify whatever it was they did.
It sounds "juvenile" because it IS "juvenile".
Some favorite smears against male targets might be about how arrogant he is, and how he thinks he's "so great". Other favorite made-up smears against males may include "He's lazy", "He's a thief", "He's a drunk", or "He has a serious gambling habit, and spends more at the track than on his family", or "He's bad news", "He's not 'manly'", "He's light in the loafers", "He can't fix anything".
It has to be something that others in that particular group will react to negatively.
So if the whole group smokes pot, for instance, saying that the guy smokes pot and is therefore "bad" is not going to work. It has to be something that they'll all JUDGE him for negatively, so most of the time a Narcissist has to MAKE SOMETHING UP that's PURE FICTION or EXTREMELY EXAGGERATED (such as turning his occasional lottery ticket purchases or his occasional casino visit into a "serious gambling problem").
It's important to note that accusing a man of being sexually promiscuous (slutty, whorish) does not seem to work in smear campaigns, nor does telling everyone he cheats on his wife, OR that he has a problem with anger or rage, especially against women. That's because our cultures are male-biased and anti-female biased, so a man who is sexually promiscuous does not get a "whore" label slapped on him, a man who cheats on his wife is often give a "pass" because, after all... "he's just a man, he can't help it"(so much for males being the superior sex)... and anger and rage have been implanted in the cultural mind as "privileges" of males, especially against women. (Until, that is, one of them rages at a person who's doing the slandering, and then all of a sudden it's a serious issue.)
However, things that people DO LIKE to judge men negatively for (such as "not being manly enough") work rather quickly and easily for smearing purposes.
Men who are single are targeted much more frequently than men who are married, because men who are married appear to have more of a support network, and appear to be more supported by the community. Narcissists are much more likely to target people who appear to have less of a support system.
Some of the favorite "go-to" made-up smears that people like to direct at female targets include "She's so stuck-up", "She thinks she's all that", "She thinks she's better", "She thinks she's so smart", "She's a 'Diva'".
Also, "She's a slut/whore - she 'sleeps around'", "She sleeps with other people's husbands", "She drinks", "She does drugs", "She's bad news".
"She's an angry person", "She's unstable", "She's ditzy", "She's crazy", "She's a bitch", "She's a bitch to her mother", "She's a drain on her family".
"She's a bad mother", "She's a bad wife", "She's a bad cook",
"She doesn't take care of herself", "She's ugly", "She's fat", "She has bad taste"
"She talks too much", "She's opinionated"
"She thinks she's tough"
"She thinks she can do what MEN do"
There are more smears that work very easily against women because more people are biased against women in the current era, and actually welcome the chance to single out, diminish, or sabotage women whom they envy, resent, or are jealous of.
(For example if you were to take a male political candidate and a female political candidate, both of whom were equally "hated" by a certain group of people, the specific SMEARS the group would use to diminish each of them would be tailored to their GENDER, they would NOT really be about what each person really DID or DIDN'T DO. So the female candidate would be called names like "bitch" and smeared with sexually oriented smears like "slut" and "whore", and the male candidate would be called names like "asshole" and "snake oil salesman". People tend to try to SKEWER females more severely, regardless of the actual events or behaviors, because of their own deep-seated personal issues.
If a person WITHOUT prejudice were to express anger or even hate toward both a male and female candidate, they would not use terms that imply the person's gender (or race, or hair color, or anything else about the person's body) ).
People who are riddled with prejudice focus on things ABOUT people like their sex, race, looks, ancestry, or religion, and call names and pigeon-hole people; people who are not riddled with prejudice are only focused on what a person actually said or did (REALLY said or did) without skewing, diminishing, or inflating any of it.
It's also important to note that Smear Campaigns don't work unless others participate.
Emotionally healthy people don't need to try to make others into something "lesser" in order to makes themselves look "greater" or "worthy", they operate with what's REALLY THERE.
So if an emotionally healthy person is in a Dance Class with an exceptionally talented dancer, they simply accept the person's exceptional talent and give credit where it's due. Even if they feel an occasion twinge of jealousy or envy (and it would only be an occasional twinge), they wouldn't ACT on it, and they would recognize it for what it is; their OWN insecurity issues. An emotionally healthy person is likely to be inspired by the other dancer and try to learn from their skill or their passion.
For an emotionally healthy person, that very talented dancer's ability would be kept separate from the dancer's personality and social behavior, they wouldn't see them as one and the same. They wouldn't try to pin "arrogance" or "snottiness" on the dancer when it doesn't exist, just because they feel intimidated or out-shined. By the same token, they would not EXCUSE arrogant or bullish behavior from that dancer either, just because the person is so talented, or because they think they're "cool".
The fellow dancer's ability would not be ENMESHED in the healthy person's mind with the fellow dancer's personality and behavior.
However if a Narcissist is in a Dance Class with an exceptionally talented dancer, they would make everything about it personal. Narcissists are not capable of neutrality, OR real student-hood, or professionalism. They LEAD with their EMOTIONS, and their actions and behaviors are DICTATED BY their emotional reactions, which rarely or never include "empathy".
A fellow dancer with exceptional talent (or apparent physical attractiveness, wealth, or 'status') means the Narcissist will EITHER try to be the dancer's "buddy", OR they will try to DIMINISH the dancer somehow.
There will be NO neutrality.
The only reason a Narcissist would not engage in either trying to buddy up to the person or trying to diminish the person would be FEAR of consequence. If the fear factor is small or absent, then the "games" WILL commence.
So the Narcissist might try to create a situation where they just "happen" to end up alone with the fellow dancer, or they just happen to be there when the fellow dancer needs assistance or emotional support, or they might even sabotage the fellow dancer so they can be the one to stick up for them or "rescue" them; all ploys to try to get the dancer to trust them or bond with them.
OR,
The Narcissist might devalue them from the get-go and insult them, humiliate them, counter everything they say, make fun of their dancing or appearance, and also try to get others to believe in their devaluation of the fellow dancer.
The most common go-to manipulation is to spread a belief that the targeted person is a morally "bad person", and not NEARLY as "nice" or "honest" or "genuine" as they seem.
One of the favorite smear campaigns against either female or male targets is telling others that the target person said something BAD about them. "She said you were too fat to dance." or "He called you a slut." or "I didn't like what she said about you..." ... ...
Implying that the target has insulted or attacked another person behind their back is probably the most common way that manipulators successfully turn people against a chosen target, or against one another.
~Narcissists will even purposely set a target up during conversation, trying to get them to say something that they can use against them later - either about themselves or about someone else. For instance the N. might "lead" the target about how Nancy said this or that and is a terrible friend, goading the target to agree with them for as long as it takes; when the target finally says something like "Okay I guess you're right, I guess Nancy is a jerk..." that's all they need; they'll go back and tell Nancy that the target was talking "smack" about her and called her a jerk.
WHY would a person go through all that setting up and goading, when they could have simply told a bold-faced LIE? ~Because most people with Narcissism are usually obsessed with JUSTIFYING everything they do, so they need excuses for the things they do. They can't FEEL "innocent" without having an excuse to justify whatever it was they did.
It sounds "juvenile" because it IS "juvenile".
Some favorite smears against male targets might be about how arrogant he is, and how he thinks he's "so great". Other favorite made-up smears against males may include "He's lazy", "He's a thief", "He's a drunk", or "He has a serious gambling habit, and spends more at the track than on his family", or "He's bad news", "He's not 'manly'", "He's light in the loafers", "He can't fix anything".
It has to be something that others in that particular group will react to negatively.
So if the whole group smokes pot, for instance, saying that the guy smokes pot and is therefore "bad" is not going to work. It has to be something that they'll all JUDGE him for negatively, so most of the time a Narcissist has to MAKE SOMETHING UP that's PURE FICTION or EXTREMELY EXAGGERATED (such as turning his occasional lottery ticket purchases or his occasional casino visit into a "serious gambling problem").
It's important to note that accusing a man of being sexually promiscuous (slutty, whorish) does not seem to work in smear campaigns, nor does telling everyone he cheats on his wife, OR that he has a problem with anger or rage, especially against women. That's because our cultures are male-biased and anti-female biased, so a man who is sexually promiscuous does not get a "whore" label slapped on him, a man who cheats on his wife is often give a "pass" because, after all... "he's just a man, he can't help it"(so much for males being the superior sex)... and anger and rage have been implanted in the cultural mind as "privileges" of males, especially against women. (Until, that is, one of them rages at a person who's doing the slandering, and then all of a sudden it's a serious issue.)
However, things that people DO LIKE to judge men negatively for (such as "not being manly enough") work rather quickly and easily for smearing purposes.
Men who are single are targeted much more frequently than men who are married, because men who are married appear to have more of a support network, and appear to be more supported by the community. Narcissists are much more likely to target people who appear to have less of a support system.
Some of the favorite "go-to" made-up smears that people like to direct at female targets include "She's so stuck-up", "She thinks she's all that", "She thinks she's better", "She thinks she's so smart", "She's a 'Diva'".
Also, "She's a slut/whore - she 'sleeps around'", "She sleeps with other people's husbands", "She drinks", "She does drugs", "She's bad news".
"She's an angry person", "She's unstable", "She's ditzy", "She's crazy", "She's a bitch", "She's a bitch to her mother", "She's a drain on her family".
"She's a bad mother", "She's a bad wife", "She's a bad cook",
"She doesn't take care of herself", "She's ugly", "She's fat", "She has bad taste"
"She talks too much", "She's opinionated"
"She thinks she's tough"
"She thinks she can do what MEN do"
There are more smears that work very easily against women because more people are biased against women in the current era, and actually welcome the chance to single out, diminish, or sabotage women whom they envy, resent, or are jealous of.
(For example if you were to take a male political candidate and a female political candidate, both of whom were equally "hated" by a certain group of people, the specific SMEARS the group would use to diminish each of them would be tailored to their GENDER, they would NOT really be about what each person really DID or DIDN'T DO. So the female candidate would be called names like "bitch" and smeared with sexually oriented smears like "slut" and "whore", and the male candidate would be called names like "asshole" and "snake oil salesman". People tend to try to SKEWER females more severely, regardless of the actual events or behaviors, because of their own deep-seated personal issues.
If a person WITHOUT prejudice were to express anger or even hate toward both a male and female candidate, they would not use terms that imply the person's gender (or race, or hair color, or anything else about the person's body) ).
People who are riddled with prejudice focus on things ABOUT people like their sex, race, looks, ancestry, or religion, and call names and pigeon-hole people; people who are not riddled with prejudice are only focused on what a person actually said or did (REALLY said or did) without skewing, diminishing, or inflating any of it.
It's also important to note that Smear Campaigns don't work unless others participate.
