In "romantic relationships", Narcissists are much more concerned with keep their "options open" than with actually building a relationship with another person. If they commit to one person, that's like blowing off all the future possible "hot babes", "scores", or even "possible soul mates".
After they think they've "hooked" a mate, they aren't going to be doing any more courting ritual stuff, showing affection, going out of their way for their partner, or even showing basic respect, courtesy, or consideration.
Holidays are probably going to be disappointing and painful after they don't feel like they need to "capture" you anymore.
There won't be anymore wonderful "dates" or romantic weekends.
There won't be great friendship anymore, or mutual admiration, or dreaming plans for the future together.
When the "relationship" starts to really go sour, you'll probably notice it and try to repair it, try to get them to communicate with you about what they're really feeling and thinking, help them if they seem depressed or frustrated, try to make things better.
But they're not going to cooperate...
because...
they're NOT actually INVESTED IN IT.
They don't really WANT to be in a committed relationship.
Not just with YOU, with ANYONE.
Sure they were infatuated with you, probably, at first, but while you were going along with the process of relationship building and emotional bonding, THEY were going through an entirely different process: DEVALUATION.
Romantic relationships for people with Narcissism are usually not "REAL" to them. They're a passing fancy, a burst of excitement, an EVENT, a phase, something they experienced, something they achieved.
Picture it like a thrill-seeker's expeditions.
A person who climbs mountains doesn't keep climbing the same mountain, and they don't usually decide to LIVE on one particular mountain. Their "rush" is from climbing NEW mountains. Once you're done with one, you're onto the next one.
A base-jumper doesn't keep jumping off the same bridge or cliff. They see different sites as challenges to be "overcome". Once they've achieved a jump off a certain bridge, they're already planning the next one.
THIS is how Narcissists see "romantic relationships".
NOT like non-narcissists do.
No, they never really loved you, not like you wanted them to, not like you thought.
They probably loved the rush from the infatuation, and loved the excitement from being with you for a while. But that's not "love" between two people, it's not a BOND.
A race-car driver doesn't "love" the track she's on. She LOVES RACING. She loves the THRILL of racing. Each race is a NEW conquest, a new challenge, a new thrill.
A rock climber doesn't LOVE one rock and move in, and live there, and stop going rock-climbing because he's found the "ultimate rock" and there are no others that could ever measure up, so why bother. No, that's not what he's doing, he's not LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO CALL HOME. He's looking for the RUSH he gets from climbing new rocks and cliff faces.. That means he doesn't WANT TO STAY in one place, even the best site he's ever climbed. He WANTS TO get that RUSH, and he can only get it when he explores NEW rock faces.
It's about HIM, about HIS RUSH, NOT the rock face.
Narcissists are addicted to RUSH, and to "reward" ~ they don't build relationships, and they can't, really. Sadly.
After they think they've "hooked" a mate, they aren't going to be doing any more courting ritual stuff, showing affection, going out of their way for their partner, or even showing basic respect, courtesy, or consideration.
Holidays are probably going to be disappointing and painful after they don't feel like they need to "capture" you anymore.
There won't be anymore wonderful "dates" or romantic weekends.
There won't be great friendship anymore, or mutual admiration, or dreaming plans for the future together.
When the "relationship" starts to really go sour, you'll probably notice it and try to repair it, try to get them to communicate with you about what they're really feeling and thinking, help them if they seem depressed or frustrated, try to make things better.
But they're not going to cooperate...
because...
they're NOT actually INVESTED IN IT.
They don't really WANT to be in a committed relationship.
Not just with YOU, with ANYONE.
Sure they were infatuated with you, probably, at first, but while you were going along with the process of relationship building and emotional bonding, THEY were going through an entirely different process: DEVALUATION.
Romantic relationships for people with Narcissism are usually not "REAL" to them. They're a passing fancy, a burst of excitement, an EVENT, a phase, something they experienced, something they achieved.
Picture it like a thrill-seeker's expeditions.
A person who climbs mountains doesn't keep climbing the same mountain, and they don't usually decide to LIVE on one particular mountain. Their "rush" is from climbing NEW mountains. Once you're done with one, you're onto the next one.
A base-jumper doesn't keep jumping off the same bridge or cliff. They see different sites as challenges to be "overcome". Once they've achieved a jump off a certain bridge, they're already planning the next one.
THIS is how Narcissists see "romantic relationships".
NOT like non-narcissists do.
No, they never really loved you, not like you wanted them to, not like you thought.
They probably loved the rush from the infatuation, and loved the excitement from being with you for a while. But that's not "love" between two people, it's not a BOND.
A race-car driver doesn't "love" the track she's on. She LOVES RACING. She loves the THRILL of racing. Each race is a NEW conquest, a new challenge, a new thrill.
A rock climber doesn't LOVE one rock and move in, and live there, and stop going rock-climbing because he's found the "ultimate rock" and there are no others that could ever measure up, so why bother. No, that's not what he's doing, he's not LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO CALL HOME. He's looking for the RUSH he gets from climbing new rocks and cliff faces.. That means he doesn't WANT TO STAY in one place, even the best site he's ever climbed. He WANTS TO get that RUSH, and he can only get it when he explores NEW rock faces.
It's about HIM, about HIS RUSH, NOT the rock face.
Narcissists are addicted to RUSH, and to "reward" ~ they don't build relationships, and they can't, really. Sadly.
