When a
baby is born, we immediately see if the baby can make noise and respond
to external stimuli. When the baby responds, we can tell that her/his
boundaries are intact. Babies make noise when they feel hungry or
uncomfortable, which is the only way they have to communicate that they
need to be cleaned, fed, helped with pain or illness, and generally
cared for.
Babies who make noise in order to get the attention of an adult are doing what they're SUPPOSED TO DO.
Adults who have Narcissism often get annoyed when babies make noise instead of feeling the normal empathy response to find out what the baby is trying to communicate, what the baby needs, or how to meet that needs.
They may also respond to the baby's noises in another "caregiving" way, such as ASSUMING that they already know why the baby is making noise, which is about their image of being a "good caregiver", or an "expert", not about actually caring for the baby.
Narcissistic adults typically feel either no compulsion to care for an infant, no empathy, care, or personal respect toward the baby or child or their well-being, OR they may feel ownership toward the child, and entitlement to that ownership. This can be seen in Narcissistic adults who ARE the parents of a child, but also who are NOT the parents of a child.
(Both are often seen, and noticeable, in N. adults who's job entails working with babies and children.)
Adults who have Narcissism may completely neglect a baby or child, or "discipline" a baby for making normal communicative noises. They are often ANNOYED by the child's noises and behaviors, and they are ALSO often annoyed that the child is not fitting into their expectations.
As babies get older and grow, they are often treated worse and worse by the Narcissistic adults around them, in their family or community. The more normal, healthy autonomy and genuine self-esteem they show, and the less they go along with the "Status Quo" (SOCIAL hierarchy of who is supposed to be treated like they're 'wonderful', and who is supposed to be treated like a 'shadow'), the more the Controllers around them will target them.
Children who don't act exactly like a Narcissistic adult wants them to act will often be labeled as "WEIRD" or "BAD", or even "CRAZY". Unfortunately since humans tend to follow along with others so easily. other people often go right along with targeting a CHILD for this kind of labeling and slander instead of standing against it and protecting the child from it. So instead of just one Narcissistic adult targeting a child with terrible labels and slander, there often ends up being a whole group of people scapegoating the child, and continuing it as the child grows.
In nearly all cases, when scapegoating exists in a group, favoritism also exists. If there is a scapegoat, there is nearly always also a "Golden Child" or a "Hero-adult" (or several).
It does not matter whether the EXPECTATIONS projected onto a child by Narcissistic adults are like a "perfect little lady or gentleman", OR like a "little bad-ass", or like a "jock", or even a "green pacifist" or a "religious zealot".
All that matters to Narcissistic adults is whether the child FITS THEIR OWN IMAGE and EXPECTATIONS or not. A child who does not appear COMPLETELY COMPLIANT is a THREAT to a Narcissistic adult's IMAGE (perfect father/mother, intimidating authoritarian, bad-ass coach, perfect or beloved teacher, etc.)
In other words, they treat the children in their group the same way they treat adults: If you don't FIT IN with what we want from you, and how we want you to BE, you're NOT WELCOME, YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, YOU'RE NOT ONE OF US, WE DON'T WANT YOU, YOU'RE INFERIOR.
So if a child fits in their CLIQUE and follows their expectations, fits in with their version of reality, makes them FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES, they'll often put the child on a pedestal. If a child DOES NOT fit in, or does not feed their ego for whatever reasons, they'll often scapegoat the child.
Just like they do with adults. Of course it's much more damaging to children, because children are relying on these adults for their very survival, as well as their healthy growth as human beings.
~Narcissistic adults often treat children and young people according to their SIZE and APPEARANCE, not their actual AGE. So they'll treat a tall 15-year-old like an adult, and a small 15-year-old like a younger child. They may treat a young adult who LOOKS older like they are more capable and responsible than another of the same age who has a more child-like appearance.
They often treat adolescent children who's bodies have the appearance of sexual maturity like PEERS, like they're the same age as themselves, instead of KIDS.
Babies who make noise in order to get the attention of an adult are doing what they're SUPPOSED TO DO.
Adults who have Narcissism often get annoyed when babies make noise instead of feeling the normal empathy response to find out what the baby is trying to communicate, what the baby needs, or how to meet that needs.
They may also respond to the baby's noises in another "caregiving" way, such as ASSUMING that they already know why the baby is making noise, which is about their image of being a "good caregiver", or an "expert", not about actually caring for the baby.
Narcissistic adults typically feel either no compulsion to care for an infant, no empathy, care, or personal respect toward the baby or child or their well-being, OR they may feel ownership toward the child, and entitlement to that ownership. This can be seen in Narcissistic adults who ARE the parents of a child, but also who are NOT the parents of a child.
(Both are often seen, and noticeable, in N. adults who's job entails working with babies and children.)
Adults who have Narcissism may completely neglect a baby or child, or "discipline" a baby for making normal communicative noises. They are often ANNOYED by the child's noises and behaviors, and they are ALSO often annoyed that the child is not fitting into their expectations.
As babies get older and grow, they are often treated worse and worse by the Narcissistic adults around them, in their family or community. The more normal, healthy autonomy and genuine self-esteem they show, and the less they go along with the "Status Quo" (SOCIAL hierarchy of who is supposed to be treated like they're 'wonderful', and who is supposed to be treated like a 'shadow'), the more the Controllers around them will target them.
Children who don't act exactly like a Narcissistic adult wants them to act will often be labeled as "WEIRD" or "BAD", or even "CRAZY". Unfortunately since humans tend to follow along with others so easily. other people often go right along with targeting a CHILD for this kind of labeling and slander instead of standing against it and protecting the child from it. So instead of just one Narcissistic adult targeting a child with terrible labels and slander, there often ends up being a whole group of people scapegoating the child, and continuing it as the child grows.
In nearly all cases, when scapegoating exists in a group, favoritism also exists. If there is a scapegoat, there is nearly always also a "Golden Child" or a "Hero-adult" (or several).
It does not matter whether the EXPECTATIONS projected onto a child by Narcissistic adults are like a "perfect little lady or gentleman", OR like a "little bad-ass", or like a "jock", or even a "green pacifist" or a "religious zealot".
All that matters to Narcissistic adults is whether the child FITS THEIR OWN IMAGE and EXPECTATIONS or not. A child who does not appear COMPLETELY COMPLIANT is a THREAT to a Narcissistic adult's IMAGE (perfect father/mother, intimidating authoritarian, bad-ass coach, perfect or beloved teacher, etc.)
In other words, they treat the children in their group the same way they treat adults: If you don't FIT IN with what we want from you, and how we want you to BE, you're NOT WELCOME, YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, YOU'RE NOT ONE OF US, WE DON'T WANT YOU, YOU'RE INFERIOR.
So if a child fits in their CLIQUE and follows their expectations, fits in with their version of reality, makes them FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES, they'll often put the child on a pedestal. If a child DOES NOT fit in, or does not feed their ego for whatever reasons, they'll often scapegoat the child.
Just like they do with adults. Of course it's much more damaging to children, because children are relying on these adults for their very survival, as well as their healthy growth as human beings.
~Narcissistic adults often treat children and young people according to their SIZE and APPEARANCE, not their actual AGE. So they'll treat a tall 15-year-old like an adult, and a small 15-year-old like a younger child. They may treat a young adult who LOOKS older like they are more capable and responsible than another of the same age who has a more child-like appearance.
They often treat adolescent children who's bodies have the appearance of sexual maturity like PEERS, like they're the same age as themselves, instead of KIDS.
