Bullies,
Narcissists, and especially sociopaths with Narcissism often do the
polar OPPOSITE of what a non-narcissist or bully would do in many
situations. It's not just that they lack good manners or common
courtesy, it's that they're actually reacting and behaving in the
opposite way that a person with integrity and care for others does.
For example, if Matt, the non-narcissist, saw a hurt kitten on the road, he would be COMPELLED to stop his car and see what he could do to help the kitten. It wouldn't really be some kind of "should I... shouldn't I...will it get blood in my car...I might be late...." speculation, he would just DO IT. Whatever he had to wrap the kitten in, he would use, and he would either bring it home or find the nearest vet, depending on the kitten's injuries and if there was an open vet's office.
But if Jake the narcissist saw the same kitten on the same road, on his way to the same place as Matt was, he wouldn't stop. He might go "eww!" and drive around it, if he noticed it at all. If he's a sociopath, he might say "Eww it was moving!" or in a severe case of Narc/sociopath, he might swerve to hit the kitten with his own car. If he saw Matt stopping to help the kitten, he'd make fun of him.
They behave in the same "opposite" way with people. If someone looks like they're sad, shy, anxious, scared, worried, depressed, or even traumatized, the Narcissist won't comfort them, they'll treat them with either disdain or direct bullying.
For example, if Mary is at her first day at a new job, Paul the non-narcissist will notice her, and immediately empathize with her apparent anxiety. He'll approach her with courtesy and respectful manners, welcoming her to the staff, shaking her hand, introducing himself, introducing her to others, showing her around and explaining what he can. Paul is COMPELLED to ease Mary's very normal anxiety, and help her get a better start. It has nothing to do with his JOB, he's not getting PAID to be friendly to her, it's his OWN choice.
Rachel, on the other hand, who is a Narcissist, notices Mary, and asks a coworker "Who is THAT?" The coworker says "that's the new staff member". Rachel then proceeds to behave in a cold, snubbing way toward Mary, trying to DISPLAY DOMINANCE, trying to provoke Mary to feel intimidated or unwelcome (actually a Chimpanzee behavior).
Rachel does approach Mary and offers her hand to shake, but immediately drops Mary's hand purposely, and gives her an obviously fake smile and obviously false greeting, in a louder than necessary voice, staring Mary down and displaying her teeth in a false smile. John, Rachel's cohort, walks up behind Mary and speaks to Rachel as if MARY IS NOT THERE. He does not greet Mary, nor does Rachel introduce them, they just stand there and talk to each other THROUGH MARY'S HEAD, like she's invisible. And YES, it's on purpose. Just another social dominance primate display.
Both Rachel and John will use the excuse of not being aware of their actions when Paul calls them on their fantastically rude behavior, but if they are really that unaware, then HOW did they get the JOB POSITIONS they have? (Are they using drugs? What would cause such a high level of unawareness? And why are they still working if it's that severe?)
If a non-narcissist asks a person "What's wrong", they actually want to HELP, and they will listen, sympathize, and empathize, RESPECTFULLY. Their goal is to help the person who appears to be sad, worried, anxious, or physically ill or in pain.
When a Narcissist asks a person "What's wrong", they are setting the person up so they can whack them with some kind of verbal domination display that makes them feel powerful, like telling them they "just have to deal with it", or telling them that it's their FAULT no matter what really happened, with blatant condescension, or defending whoever hurt, disrespected, or manipulated the person, or even verbally abusing them with humiliating accusations, rejection, or name-calling.
(Narcissists DO NOT "help" anyone unless they think they're going to get something out of it for themselves, be it material, financial, or otherwise.)
Narcissists WANT other people to feel bad, or to falter, fail, feel left out, humiliated, unworthy, or unwanted. They GET OFF on it. It makes them feel GOOD to hurt someone's feelings, to snub someone, or to be mean or disrespectful to someone. It has to do with them believing themselves to be "above" others, like they're in the "good people" group (ironically), or the "authority people" group, or the "ones who get it" group, or the "cool people" clique, or the "smarter people" category, or the "savvy and slick people" group.
Sociopathic Narcissists (severe ones) often seek to be the "leader" of whatever group or clique they're in, OR "second in command" (which is actually more powerful because there is less culpability), and DO often achieve that goal, since they seem to know so well how to manipulate others.
Narcissism can be found in literally ANY human group that exists, there are absolutely NO kinds of groups that are immune to Narcissism. If there are humans in the group, then Narcissism can be present.
It is absolutely an important life skill to learn how to deal with Narcissists in life, because they do definitely exist, and can show up in any human group whatsoever, ready to bully, manipulate, control, and sabotage. It never was, is not now, and never will be "paranoia" to be on the lookout for them, and be prepared to deal with them; they are very much a part of the human species.
For example, if Matt, the non-narcissist, saw a hurt kitten on the road, he would be COMPELLED to stop his car and see what he could do to help the kitten. It wouldn't really be some kind of "should I... shouldn't I...will it get blood in my car...I might be late...." speculation, he would just DO IT. Whatever he had to wrap the kitten in, he would use, and he would either bring it home or find the nearest vet, depending on the kitten's injuries and if there was an open vet's office.
But if Jake the narcissist saw the same kitten on the same road, on his way to the same place as Matt was, he wouldn't stop. He might go "eww!" and drive around it, if he noticed it at all. If he's a sociopath, he might say "Eww it was moving!" or in a severe case of Narc/sociopath, he might swerve to hit the kitten with his own car. If he saw Matt stopping to help the kitten, he'd make fun of him.
They behave in the same "opposite" way with people. If someone looks like they're sad, shy, anxious, scared, worried, depressed, or even traumatized, the Narcissist won't comfort them, they'll treat them with either disdain or direct bullying.
For example, if Mary is at her first day at a new job, Paul the non-narcissist will notice her, and immediately empathize with her apparent anxiety. He'll approach her with courtesy and respectful manners, welcoming her to the staff, shaking her hand, introducing himself, introducing her to others, showing her around and explaining what he can. Paul is COMPELLED to ease Mary's very normal anxiety, and help her get a better start. It has nothing to do with his JOB, he's not getting PAID to be friendly to her, it's his OWN choice.
Rachel, on the other hand, who is a Narcissist, notices Mary, and asks a coworker "Who is THAT?" The coworker says "that's the new staff member". Rachel then proceeds to behave in a cold, snubbing way toward Mary, trying to DISPLAY DOMINANCE, trying to provoke Mary to feel intimidated or unwelcome (actually a Chimpanzee behavior).
Rachel does approach Mary and offers her hand to shake, but immediately drops Mary's hand purposely, and gives her an obviously fake smile and obviously false greeting, in a louder than necessary voice, staring Mary down and displaying her teeth in a false smile. John, Rachel's cohort, walks up behind Mary and speaks to Rachel as if MARY IS NOT THERE. He does not greet Mary, nor does Rachel introduce them, they just stand there and talk to each other THROUGH MARY'S HEAD, like she's invisible. And YES, it's on purpose. Just another social dominance primate display.
Both Rachel and John will use the excuse of not being aware of their actions when Paul calls them on their fantastically rude behavior, but if they are really that unaware, then HOW did they get the JOB POSITIONS they have? (Are they using drugs? What would cause such a high level of unawareness? And why are they still working if it's that severe?)
If a non-narcissist asks a person "What's wrong", they actually want to HELP, and they will listen, sympathize, and empathize, RESPECTFULLY. Their goal is to help the person who appears to be sad, worried, anxious, or physically ill or in pain.
When a Narcissist asks a person "What's wrong", they are setting the person up so they can whack them with some kind of verbal domination display that makes them feel powerful, like telling them they "just have to deal with it", or telling them that it's their FAULT no matter what really happened, with blatant condescension, or defending whoever hurt, disrespected, or manipulated the person, or even verbally abusing them with humiliating accusations, rejection, or name-calling.
(Narcissists DO NOT "help" anyone unless they think they're going to get something out of it for themselves, be it material, financial, or otherwise.)
Narcissists WANT other people to feel bad, or to falter, fail, feel left out, humiliated, unworthy, or unwanted. They GET OFF on it. It makes them feel GOOD to hurt someone's feelings, to snub someone, or to be mean or disrespectful to someone. It has to do with them believing themselves to be "above" others, like they're in the "good people" group (ironically), or the "authority people" group, or the "ones who get it" group, or the "cool people" clique, or the "smarter people" category, or the "savvy and slick people" group.
Sociopathic Narcissists (severe ones) often seek to be the "leader" of whatever group or clique they're in, OR "second in command" (which is actually more powerful because there is less culpability), and DO often achieve that goal, since they seem to know so well how to manipulate others.
Narcissism can be found in literally ANY human group that exists, there are absolutely NO kinds of groups that are immune to Narcissism. If there are humans in the group, then Narcissism can be present.
It is absolutely an important life skill to learn how to deal with Narcissists in life, because they do definitely exist, and can show up in any human group whatsoever, ready to bully, manipulate, control, and sabotage. It never was, is not now, and never will be "paranoia" to be on the lookout for them, and be prepared to deal with them; they are very much a part of the human species.
