Pay
attention to how others react to you when you speak, when you enter a
room, when you're in a room together, or when you're in a group.
Different levels of friendship, loyalty, care, respect, and the lack
thereof can be observed by the way others behave. They're not your real
friend just because they say they are, or because they smile at you, or
because they compliment you sometimes, or because they spoke to you for
five or ten minutes and made eye contact. They're not even your friend
just because they've invited you out a few times, or because there's
"chemistry". Pay attention to the way they TREAT you, when you're alone
with them and when there are others present, and when you're separated
by distance. Do they seem bored easily with you? Are they way more
"animated" and joyful when someone else enters the room, but with you
it's just bleh? Or are you the person they seem happy to see, but for
longer than the first fifteen minutes?
Lots of people have Narcissism issues without being full-blown NPD's, and will use others for companionship just so they're not alone. They can be bored out of their minds with a person, or not really like a person much, but just don't want to be by themselves, or want the person for something about them.
A lot of people do this with a person whom they're physically attracted to, but don't really LIKE or respect as a human being or as a friend. They'll keep trying to get the person to believe they like and respect them so they won't find someone else.
A real "relationship" is with someone who's an actual friend, which means the same as it does with any other friend. We don't hang out with people we don't really like or respect as platonic friends, or those we have nothing in common with and can't make a connection. It's no different with romantic relationships, if the person is ONLY attractive to another person in a physical sense, then pretending to "like" and "respect" them is nothing more than using them, just like using a person for their money.
Family is different, we may or may not "like" and want to hang out with certain family members much, but we treat them with respect and courtesy, and have a bond with them regardless. We can and should be able to be in the same house with them for hours, each doing different things. We were born into a family, we didn't CHOOSE to create a friendship or relationship with them. The way we treat one another in a family either makes or breaks it, but we didn't pick the individuals who are in it, nor did we ask to be invited.
But with friendships and partners, we are making a CHOICE, we aren't born into the relationship, it's not preexisting or predestined. We make friendships and partnerships because we have things in common that we enjoy and are interested in, shared humor, shared activities, etc. So if those things are not there, if "hanging out" is more like sitting with a family member who we don't have anything in common with, who we're being polite with but who doesn't really want to do anything with us or talk like good friends do, then there's something going on that doesn't add up. If the relationship is false, then if this is brought up, the other person will typically become defensive and even hostile. A real friend (platonic or romantic) would simply be concerned, not defensive or hostile, and want to figure out how to make it "good" again.
Lots of people have Narcissism issues without being full-blown NPD's, and will use others for companionship just so they're not alone. They can be bored out of their minds with a person, or not really like a person much, but just don't want to be by themselves, or want the person for something about them.
A lot of people do this with a person whom they're physically attracted to, but don't really LIKE or respect as a human being or as a friend. They'll keep trying to get the person to believe they like and respect them so they won't find someone else.
A real "relationship" is with someone who's an actual friend, which means the same as it does with any other friend. We don't hang out with people we don't really like or respect as platonic friends, or those we have nothing in common with and can't make a connection. It's no different with romantic relationships, if the person is ONLY attractive to another person in a physical sense, then pretending to "like" and "respect" them is nothing more than using them, just like using a person for their money.
Family is different, we may or may not "like" and want to hang out with certain family members much, but we treat them with respect and courtesy, and have a bond with them regardless. We can and should be able to be in the same house with them for hours, each doing different things. We were born into a family, we didn't CHOOSE to create a friendship or relationship with them. The way we treat one another in a family either makes or breaks it, but we didn't pick the individuals who are in it, nor did we ask to be invited.
But with friendships and partners, we are making a CHOICE, we aren't born into the relationship, it's not preexisting or predestined. We make friendships and partnerships because we have things in common that we enjoy and are interested in, shared humor, shared activities, etc. So if those things are not there, if "hanging out" is more like sitting with a family member who we don't have anything in common with, who we're being polite with but who doesn't really want to do anything with us or talk like good friends do, then there's something going on that doesn't add up. If the relationship is false, then if this is brought up, the other person will typically become defensive and even hostile. A real friend (platonic or romantic) would simply be concerned, not defensive or hostile, and want to figure out how to make it "good" again.
