Scolders, Condescenders, Judgers And Advisors

A LOT of people in the current culture have developed a social habit of finding fault with others and judging them, and then feeling entitled to shake their finger at them, criticize them, give them unsolicited "advice", make all kinds of belittling assumptions about them, condescend to them and treat them like a lesser being.

It seems to exacerbate the growing Narcissistic culture by leaps and bounds, but it's not a new human behavior. It's been around for centuries, and always shows up in cultures that have both wealth and turmoil.

This behavior appears to be learned from older generations when they are disciplining youth, but it seems to get misinterpreted and exaggerated when mis-learned by youngsters as a social dominance weapon. 


FOR EXAMPLE: Little Gerald sees Grandmother shaking her finger at his sister Margaret, scolding her for wearing her play clothes to school.

Instead of Gerald interpreting this scene as a lesson for himself and his sister about wearing certain clothing for certain things, what he takes away from it is:

"Scolding" is a way to make another person feel smaller.
"Scolding" is a way to dominate another person.
Margaret is a person who he might get away with doing this to, because Grandma had done it to her.
Margaret is a girl, therefore "Scolding" might be a way to dominate girls, not sure about boys.
"Scolding" others is a way to BE one of the 'authority people' like Grandma.

So Gerald DOES try it on Margaret, and gets away with it, in other words he doesn't get disciplined by adults for it.
It made him feel good even though Margaret didn't take him seriously, and now he thinks he can automatically be one of the adults, or an "authority person" just by SCOLDING other people.

Gerald needs to have an EXCUSE to SCOLD other people so he can get the feeling he likes, so he watches and learns how.

He finds out that SOME people get scolded MORE than others for no real reason, and if he picks on them, no one will stop him. Even better (for him), they might LIKE IT that he's doing it to that particular person, because everyone seems to be trying to put this person down for some reason. 

He also learns how to CREATE EXCUSES to SCOLD other people by finding "flaws" in their behavior, their appearance, their choices, their friends, their pets, their car, their job, their skills, their opinions, their preferences, their diet, their pets, their children, their interests...or any mistakes they might have made, or by simply just making things up out of THIN AIR.  

Gerald mostly only responds to people in order to counter them, criticize them, or give them "advice" which he likes to call "tough love" (because it's always oppositional, condescending, and sarcastic, and usually completely irrelevant.)

Gerald learned from some other "Scolders" along the way that saying things like "I call it like I see it" or "That's the way the cookie crumbles" or "I don't sugar coat" makes him sound like he's being "truthful" or "wise" for some reason, diverting and covering up what he's really doing (bullying).

Gerald's main motive is just to get that feeling of being one of the "authority people" like Grandma, and like his parents, teachers, and coach, and like the owner of the store his parents shop at, and like some other adult relatives, and like the parents of some of his friends. He also would like to be an "authority person" like some of the people on TV and in movies. 

As Gerald gets older, he notices that some men do this "scolding" to women, so he takes a try at it himself. He tries it often just to see how far he can go, and if anyone will stop him. He learns that some women actually seem to respond to him as if he really IS an "authority person", just because of the way he treats them (poorly, disrespectfully), and that some men like him and think he's "cool" because of this behavior.

He also discovers that some people see what he's trying to do, so he avoids them or tries to make them go away somehow. He knows he doesn't LIKE people who don't think he's some kind of naturally privileged "authority person" who deserves "extra respect".

(Ironically... Gerald meets a woman he's attracted to who has also become a "Scolder", "Advisor", and "Condescender"... and falls madly in love because she looks like a movie star he had a crush on in second grade... they scold one another into the sunset, and luckily never have any children before they end up pulling one another over a cliff, arguing about who's FAULT it was, all the way to the bottom.)