Some common ways controllers/dominators try to manipulate and diminish others with shame signals :
> Commenting on something the target is doing with a condescending tone, trying to make the target doubt themselves or feel silly for doing what they're doing:
"What are you trying to do?" "What is that supposed to be?" "How's that gonna work?" "You know what you're doing?" "Have you ever done that... before?" "Seriously?" "You actually believe in that?" "You're gonna waste your time with that?"
>Making negative statements:
"That doesn't look right" "That isn't coming out like you thought it would" "That looks a little crooked" "That's going to take too long" "That's gonna be too hard" "That's impossible" "It's never gonna work"
>Implying incompetence:
"You look like you need help" "You sure you're gonna be able to do that?" "Why don't you just hire someone?" "I'll get so-and-so to help me with this" "That's easier for someone taller" "That's easier for someone stronger" "Why don't you get so and so to help you with that?"
>Direct insults:
"You don't know what you're doing" "You can't do that" "You don't know what you're talking about" "You're too weak" "You should dye your hair" "You should whiten your teeth" "You need to lose weight" "You need to gain weight" "You think you're so smart" "You need to take lessons" "Don't quit your dayjob" "You're so slow" "You talk too much" "You're so short" "You could use some more on the top" "You're too happy" "You smile too much" "You mope around" "You analyze too much"
>Implied insults/incompetence/lesser status via comparison to others (usually said upon seeing you do something or learning that you do something):
"My brother builds bigger decks than you do and builds houses too" "My cousin is a PROFESSIONAL singer..." "My neighbor is a real writer, he writes for magazine" "You would probably learn a lot from talking to my friend who's a professional photographer" "My friend's son races motorcycles professionally, he's been endorsed by Mountain Dew" "My uncle is a pit mechanic at the Speedway" "My Dad's television is twice that size" "My cousin is a professional model, she's drop-dead gorgeous"
> Commenting on something the target is doing with a condescending tone, trying to make the target doubt themselves or feel silly for doing what they're doing:
"What are you trying to do?" "What is that supposed to be?" "How's that gonna work?" "You know what you're doing?" "Have you ever done that... before?" "Seriously?" "You actually believe in that?" "You're gonna waste your time with that?"
>Making negative statements:
"That doesn't look right" "That isn't coming out like you thought it would" "That looks a little crooked" "That's going to take too long" "That's gonna be too hard" "That's impossible" "It's never gonna work"
>Implying incompetence:
"You look like you need help" "You sure you're gonna be able to do that?" "Why don't you just hire someone?" "I'll get so-and-so to help me with this" "That's easier for someone taller" "That's easier for someone stronger" "Why don't you get so and so to help you with that?"
>Direct insults:
"You don't know what you're doing" "You can't do that" "You don't know what you're talking about" "You're too weak" "You should dye your hair" "You should whiten your teeth" "You need to lose weight" "You need to gain weight" "You think you're so smart" "You need to take lessons" "Don't quit your dayjob" "You're so slow" "You talk too much" "You're so short" "You could use some more on the top" "You're too happy" "You smile too much" "You mope around" "You analyze too much"
>Implied insults/incompetence/lesser status via comparison to others (usually said upon seeing you do something or learning that you do something):
"My brother builds bigger decks than you do and builds houses too" "My cousin is a PROFESSIONAL singer..." "My neighbor is a real writer, he writes for magazine" "You would probably learn a lot from talking to my friend who's a professional photographer" "My friend's son races motorcycles professionally, he's been endorsed by Mountain Dew" "My uncle is a pit mechanic at the Speedway" "My Dad's television is twice that size" "My cousin is a professional model, she's drop-dead gorgeous"
