Turn your emotional reactions into signals for yourself about others.
That sting and heat from insults and put-downs are meant to stop you in your tracks. The dark cloud feeling of someone invading your space or trying to exert power over you is meant to herd you into doing their bidding, or pay attention to them instead of what you're doing.
Next time you feel it, stop what you're doing, stop your thoughts, stay silent, and sit still. Don't respond. Or, leave the room, go to the bathroom, (act like you're using it so they don't come in), but don't respond.
Be still and observe, as if you were doing a scientific observation from a glass bubble.
Don't worry, the sting and the heat feelings will dissipate, they always do.
>What really just happened?
>What did the other person just say or do, really?
>What were you doing?
>Were you trying to concentrate? Were you doing something in the realm of healthy/normal for a human being? Were you speaking in the realm of healthy/normal for a human being? Were you doing something disrespectful or inconsiderate to someone else?
>Would the other person have said or done the same thing to someone else who they respect very much?
>Would you do or say the same thing, the same way, to someone as the other person just said or did to you?
>What do you think their emotional state was, why would a person say or do that?
>Do they do this often?
>Do others around you or them do this too?
>Have you been accepting this behavior as a regional dialect and mindset, as if that makes it okay?
>Do you do it too, so you accept it when others do it?
>Do you think it's civil, healthy behavior?
>Did it help you accomplish your goal, or did it help to stop you, or set you back, or doubt yourself?
The more you do this, the easier it will be to do it, and the easier it will be to spot behavior patterns that are not helping you achieve your goals, or peace of mind.
What to do with the information once you've observed it~ you don't need to confront the person, especially if you're pretty sure it will exacerbate the behavior. Just take it and write it down privately, share or talk about it with a trusted counselor or friend, but ONLY a trusted person who won't turn it into gossip, or use it against you later. Share it anonymously on a support forum.
Happy Scientific Observing!
And welcome to the nerd squad! :)
I would much rather feel unsettled because I know what's going on around me than be controlled by it because I'm unaware.
M.M.Black
That sting and heat from insults and put-downs are meant to stop you in your tracks. The dark cloud feeling of someone invading your space or trying to exert power over you is meant to herd you into doing their bidding, or pay attention to them instead of what you're doing.
Next time you feel it, stop what you're doing, stop your thoughts, stay silent, and sit still. Don't respond. Or, leave the room, go to the bathroom, (act like you're using it so they don't come in), but don't respond.
Be still and observe, as if you were doing a scientific observation from a glass bubble.
Don't worry, the sting and the heat feelings will dissipate, they always do.
>What really just happened?
>What did the other person just say or do, really?
>What were you doing?
>Were you trying to concentrate? Were you doing something in the realm of healthy/normal for a human being? Were you speaking in the realm of healthy/normal for a human being? Were you doing something disrespectful or inconsiderate to someone else?
>Would the other person have said or done the same thing to someone else who they respect very much?
>Would you do or say the same thing, the same way, to someone as the other person just said or did to you?
>What do you think their emotional state was, why would a person say or do that?
>Do they do this often?
>Do others around you or them do this too?
>Have you been accepting this behavior as a regional dialect and mindset, as if that makes it okay?
>Do you do it too, so you accept it when others do it?
>Do you think it's civil, healthy behavior?
>Did it help you accomplish your goal, or did it help to stop you, or set you back, or doubt yourself?
The more you do this, the easier it will be to do it, and the easier it will be to spot behavior patterns that are not helping you achieve your goals, or peace of mind.
What to do with the information once you've observed it~ you don't need to confront the person, especially if you're pretty sure it will exacerbate the behavior. Just take it and write it down privately, share or talk about it with a trusted counselor or friend, but ONLY a trusted person who won't turn it into gossip, or use it against you later. Share it anonymously on a support forum.
Happy Scientific Observing!
And welcome to the nerd squad! :)
I would much rather feel unsettled because I know what's going on around me than be controlled by it because I'm unaware.
M.M.Black
