An interesting trait that some controllers
display~ "spurning" people who empathize or relate with them, especially
with their pain or anger.
>>> "You can't possibly know what it's like to feel my pain, or have any idea what I've been through, you're not as cool/tough/good/strong/
Instead of feeling validated by someone showing support, or relief that someone has con...nected with them or understands where they're coming from, they instead reject and "rebel against" the person. This can possibly come from a long period of dealing with an abusive or neglectful situation when the person felt completely alone and uncared for; in order to survive, the person may have internalized their painful experiences and made them a part of their identity, of "who they are".
Like a professor who has internalized his position of "leader" and "smartest/most experienced person in the room"; instead of embracing a person who is also very smart with common interests and similar talent as a "kindred spirit", the professor will REJECT that person, and feel like he is being challenged and competed with. He has made "smart professor of (whatever subject)" his IDENTITY, and has forgotten that "smart professor" is just a description. If he gets fired or laid off, who is he then? If he has to take medication that clouds his intellect, who is he then? Because he has made his identity all about "smart professor", he has set himself up to have to defend this identity in order to feel like he really exists in the world. When someone shows up who shares this description of "smart professor", he feels like he is losing his "Uniqueness", and will rail against this new person.
So it is with the person who has identified him or herself as "a person who has gone through pain". They have forgotten their true identity as themselves, the original soul, spirit, and child who came into this world, and have added this "person who has gone through pain" to it. There is no blame or shame about it, it's not something terrible that they have done, it just makes it more difficult for them to heal. Rejecting, dismissing, and devaluing anyone who would actually be a kindred spirit means they are shutting out validation, camaraderie and learning. But that is the part of the path they're on; if they can find healing to build their healthy boundaries back up and feel safe again, they will be able to make those connections and heal faster.
>>> "You can't possibly know what it's like to feel my pain, or have any idea what I've been through, you're not as cool/tough/good/strong/
Instead of feeling validated by someone showing support, or relief that someone has con...nected with them or understands where they're coming from, they instead reject and "rebel against" the person. This can possibly come from a long period of dealing with an abusive or neglectful situation when the person felt completely alone and uncared for; in order to survive, the person may have internalized their painful experiences and made them a part of their identity, of "who they are".
Like a professor who has internalized his position of "leader" and "smartest/most experienced person in the room"; instead of embracing a person who is also very smart with common interests and similar talent as a "kindred spirit", the professor will REJECT that person, and feel like he is being challenged and competed with. He has made "smart professor of (whatever subject)" his IDENTITY, and has forgotten that "smart professor" is just a description. If he gets fired or laid off, who is he then? If he has to take medication that clouds his intellect, who is he then? Because he has made his identity all about "smart professor", he has set himself up to have to defend this identity in order to feel like he really exists in the world. When someone shows up who shares this description of "smart professor", he feels like he is losing his "Uniqueness", and will rail against this new person.
So it is with the person who has identified him or herself as "a person who has gone through pain". They have forgotten their true identity as themselves, the original soul, spirit, and child who came into this world, and have added this "person who has gone through pain" to it. There is no blame or shame about it, it's not something terrible that they have done, it just makes it more difficult for them to heal. Rejecting, dismissing, and devaluing anyone who would actually be a kindred spirit means they are shutting out validation, camaraderie and learning. But that is the part of the path they're on; if they can find healing to build their healthy boundaries back up and feel safe again, they will be able to make those connections and heal faster.
