Taking
on an air of "authority" is common in controllers. They desire control,
so they imagine themselves as an "authority person". They will seem to
take on the behavior, intonation, language and body language of some
kind of authority figure, such as a stern, controlling parent, or a
stern Headmaster, or a stern Boss, or the way they imagine an "official"
acts, a coach, or all of the above. If they knew a such a person in their youth, they may just mimic that person, sometimes right down to specific words and phrases.
Because they have taken on this "authoritative role", they imagine that
they deserve the extra "respect" that they think such an authority
person is entitled to. They don't really understand CONTEXT. In other
words, they don't realize that the Headmaster was acting in the
Headmaster position, and the authority and "power" he or she seemed to
wield was not INNATE, but was only relevant within the position of
Headmaster. When the Headmaster was not performing the job, the
"authority" was set down, and not present. The Headmaster was not a "Headmaster" in the
rest of life, and did not have innate authority and power just because
of WHO HE WAS, or WHO SHE WAS, as if their very being gave them
automatic Entitlement.
A person with control issues may see the whole world in the context of "STATUS". They may believe that their sex or their race gives them an automatic "authority" or "status" position. They may believe that becoming a Wife means status and authority; becoming a Husband means status and authority; becoming a Mother is a "status position", or becoming a Father is a "status position". They often transfer this to the world, as well, not just in the home. So they believe that "Father" is a status title, or "Mother", or "Husband", or "Wife". They may see it only a little, or not see it at all, as a relationship, or a partnership, or caring for, loving, and raising children.
This is one reason why some people will hold on to a relationship or marriage that is obviously terrible, even if they have told their spouse that they hate them, or are regularly betraying them. They aren't holding on to the PERSON, they are holding on to what they believe is a status position.
There is a gap in understanding authority and hierarchy. They may see their own mother or father's actions and tone as their entire personality, and the authority he or she seems to possess as all-encompassing. A child may mimic a parent's intonations and body language because they think they will "become" one of the ADULTS, and thereby have authority OVER their siblings. This mimicry can be seen in all kinds of situations where there is a leader in a group; a youth will mimic a coach, a scout leader, a clergy person, a teacher, or an employer, and expect to "become" an authority figure because they have taken on the traits or character of such a person.
Just like a youth will mimic a famous musician because they aspire to become a famous musician, a controller will mimic an authority figure because they want to "become" an authority figure. In their minds, authority figures are "natural" authority figures, and if they "become" one, they will automatically be entitled to superior respect and special treatment.
This is where ego-injury can often be seen ~ when a controller is not actually IN such an authority position, he or she will probably NOT get treated with extra respect. This can feel like DISRESPECT to them, so they can become very offended or angry, and some may become abusive. Also, when a controller over-uses his or her "authority" when they are actually in an authority position, those "under" them (employees, children, students) will eventually become tired of their control issues and rebel.
Those who do not desire control can find it hard to imagine that a person would actually WANT to be "in charge", just to be in charge. A controller will actually take a job that will let them be in control over others, regardless of what the job actually is.
This can be seen in all fields and areas of human-care, including teaching, coaching, medical, psychology, and caregiving. Those who take jobs for this reason are not taking the job for reasons of caregiving, and serious problems usually occur.
Controllers may want to get married or have children so they can have (in their minds) family members to be "in charge of". They are not getting married for actual partnership, and they are not having children to actually raise human beings into happy, well-rounded adults. They are simply trying to procure a position of "status" that THEY believe will entitle them to authority over others.
Controllers will actually go through the work to acquire a college degree, even a law or medical degree, just to procure a position of authority and entitlement. They can become depressed when they actually start working and realize that they did not procure the authority they had assumed they would. They can often become tyrannical toward employees, and arrogant toward clients.
Controllers even often make "friends" with those they think they can play "authority" over, who won't protest very much, or who they believe is less intelligent, capable, or physically strong. When their target "friend" doesn't appreciate their attempts at "authority" over them, they can become very offended and angry, as if the target "friend" is the one who is "out of line".
They take on these control behaviors because they believe they will become a "natural authority person", and therefore will be ENTITLED to authority, in their imagination. That's how they may actually believe the "world" works. And it does, but only within circles of people with control issues and status obsession.
M.M.Black
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| http://www.danladds.com/167/royal-wedding-retrospect/ |
A person with control issues may see the whole world in the context of "STATUS". They may believe that their sex or their race gives them an automatic "authority" or "status" position. They may believe that becoming a Wife means status and authority; becoming a Husband means status and authority; becoming a Mother is a "status position", or becoming a Father is a "status position". They often transfer this to the world, as well, not just in the home. So they believe that "Father" is a status title, or "Mother", or "Husband", or "Wife". They may see it only a little, or not see it at all, as a relationship, or a partnership, or caring for, loving, and raising children.
This is one reason why some people will hold on to a relationship or marriage that is obviously terrible, even if they have told their spouse that they hate them, or are regularly betraying them. They aren't holding on to the PERSON, they are holding on to what they believe is a status position.
There is a gap in understanding authority and hierarchy. They may see their own mother or father's actions and tone as their entire personality, and the authority he or she seems to possess as all-encompassing. A child may mimic a parent's intonations and body language because they think they will "become" one of the ADULTS, and thereby have authority OVER their siblings. This mimicry can be seen in all kinds of situations where there is a leader in a group; a youth will mimic a coach, a scout leader, a clergy person, a teacher, or an employer, and expect to "become" an authority figure because they have taken on the traits or character of such a person.
Just like a youth will mimic a famous musician because they aspire to become a famous musician, a controller will mimic an authority figure because they want to "become" an authority figure. In their minds, authority figures are "natural" authority figures, and if they "become" one, they will automatically be entitled to superior respect and special treatment.
This is where ego-injury can often be seen ~ when a controller is not actually IN such an authority position, he or she will probably NOT get treated with extra respect. This can feel like DISRESPECT to them, so they can become very offended or angry, and some may become abusive. Also, when a controller over-uses his or her "authority" when they are actually in an authority position, those "under" them (employees, children, students) will eventually become tired of their control issues and rebel.
Those who do not desire control can find it hard to imagine that a person would actually WANT to be "in charge", just to be in charge. A controller will actually take a job that will let them be in control over others, regardless of what the job actually is.
This can be seen in all fields and areas of human-care, including teaching, coaching, medical, psychology, and caregiving. Those who take jobs for this reason are not taking the job for reasons of caregiving, and serious problems usually occur.
Controllers may want to get married or have children so they can have (in their minds) family members to be "in charge of". They are not getting married for actual partnership, and they are not having children to actually raise human beings into happy, well-rounded adults. They are simply trying to procure a position of "status" that THEY believe will entitle them to authority over others.
Controllers will actually go through the work to acquire a college degree, even a law or medical degree, just to procure a position of authority and entitlement. They can become depressed when they actually start working and realize that they did not procure the authority they had assumed they would. They can often become tyrannical toward employees, and arrogant toward clients.
Controllers even often make "friends" with those they think they can play "authority" over, who won't protest very much, or who they believe is less intelligent, capable, or physically strong. When their target "friend" doesn't appreciate their attempts at "authority" over them, they can become very offended and angry, as if the target "friend" is the one who is "out of line".
They take on these control behaviors because they believe they will become a "natural authority person", and therefore will be ENTITLED to authority, in their imagination. That's how they may actually believe the "world" works. And it does, but only within circles of people with control issues and status obsession.
M.M.Black
