A clever (diabolical) little trick that many Controllers/Narcissists play on targets:
Hiding invitations to events, not relaying messages from other people, not telling that someone called, giving only part of a message but not the whole thing, "editing" relayed messages to give a different impression than was intended.
This practice kills several birds with one stone.
First, the target does n...ot receive the invitation or message that was intended for them. This can be life changing for the target, especially since most people will not follow up to see if the target actually received the invitation or message, they will just assume that it was received, even if it was important.
Second, the invitation or message sender does not receive a response from the target, so it appears to them that the target doesn't CARE. (Again, most people don't follow up, they just assume, which is why these tactics work so well.)
In most Controller/Narc. dynamics, the Controller makes a point of intercepting as much direct communication to the target as possible. The Controller actually "trains" people, very quickly, to go THROUGH THEM to communicate with the target. It's all subtle actions, signals, and implications about the target ("you don't want to talk to her, she's in a mood") so most people don't realize they're being diverted.
So, if they do try to find out if the target got the invitation or message, who do they usually ask...? Not the target, but the Controller. So of COURSE the Controller is going to say "I gave it to him/her, I don't know why he/she didn't get back to you." (and then some kind of derogatory comment for good measure, such as "Well he/she's probably 'too BUSY"...")
Unanswered messages and invitations strike people right in the heart and the ego. It seems that the person is so self-absorbed (or unstable) that they just don't care, can't be bothered, or are very arrogant.
The more messages and invitations that are intercepted, edited, and diverted, the more the target appears uncaring to everyone else, and will believe whatever the Controller says about them because they're already feeling "miffed" by the target's apparent disrespect and disdain toward them. Others build up fictional negativity about the target in their imaginations, and the Controller is only too happy to fill in the blanks and make up "reasons" why the target is SO hard to get along with, and SO uncaring and self-centered. Eventually, when this keeps going on and on, the target finds themselves isolated, with an inexplicably tarnished reputation that's not anywhere near reality. People mysteriously treat the target like they don't belong, like they aren't welcome, like they're not "good enough" or stable enough, or trustworthy enough to be part of their group, but it's because all of that has been IMPLIED for so long, and "proven" with unanswered invitations and messages. And it's also because they don't bother to find out anything for themselves.
Seems like a LOT of work for the Controller, but it's not at all, it's something they enjoy, or are used to doing, the way other people enjoy cooking or fishing. They usually grew up doing this, and often had accomplices in childhood. They may have done it to deal with a dysfunctional environment or individual. It was a game to them that they never stopped playing, or a way to survive from a child's point of view.
Of course this wouldn't happen if so many people were not so willing to believe negative things about others, but they are because they get a neurochemical reward from it (Us vs. Them), and this is what Controllers play on to accomplish their goals.This is one of the common tactics that is used to isolate a target from others. (Relationship notwithstanding, it can be any kind of relationship at all.)
Hiding invitations to events, not relaying messages from other people, not telling that someone called, giving only part of a message but not the whole thing, "editing" relayed messages to give a different impression than was intended.
This practice kills several birds with one stone.
First, the target does n...ot receive the invitation or message that was intended for them. This can be life changing for the target, especially since most people will not follow up to see if the target actually received the invitation or message, they will just assume that it was received, even if it was important.
Second, the invitation or message sender does not receive a response from the target, so it appears to them that the target doesn't CARE. (Again, most people don't follow up, they just assume, which is why these tactics work so well.)
In most Controller/Narc. dynamics, the Controller makes a point of intercepting as much direct communication to the target as possible. The Controller actually "trains" people, very quickly, to go THROUGH THEM to communicate with the target. It's all subtle actions, signals, and implications about the target ("you don't want to talk to her, she's in a mood") so most people don't realize they're being diverted.
So, if they do try to find out if the target got the invitation or message, who do they usually ask...? Not the target, but the Controller. So of COURSE the Controller is going to say "I gave it to him/her, I don't know why he/she didn't get back to you." (and then some kind of derogatory comment for good measure, such as "Well he/she's probably 'too BUSY"...")
Unanswered messages and invitations strike people right in the heart and the ego. It seems that the person is so self-absorbed (or unstable) that they just don't care, can't be bothered, or are very arrogant.
The more messages and invitations that are intercepted, edited, and diverted, the more the target appears uncaring to everyone else, and will believe whatever the Controller says about them because they're already feeling "miffed" by the target's apparent disrespect and disdain toward them. Others build up fictional negativity about the target in their imaginations, and the Controller is only too happy to fill in the blanks and make up "reasons" why the target is SO hard to get along with, and SO uncaring and self-centered. Eventually, when this keeps going on and on, the target finds themselves isolated, with an inexplicably tarnished reputation that's not anywhere near reality. People mysteriously treat the target like they don't belong, like they aren't welcome, like they're not "good enough" or stable enough, or trustworthy enough to be part of their group, but it's because all of that has been IMPLIED for so long, and "proven" with unanswered invitations and messages. And it's also because they don't bother to find out anything for themselves.
Seems like a LOT of work for the Controller, but it's not at all, it's something they enjoy, or are used to doing, the way other people enjoy cooking or fishing. They usually grew up doing this, and often had accomplices in childhood. They may have done it to deal with a dysfunctional environment or individual. It was a game to them that they never stopped playing, or a way to survive from a child's point of view.
Of course this wouldn't happen if so many people were not so willing to believe negative things about others, but they are because they get a neurochemical reward from it (Us vs. Them), and this is what Controllers play on to accomplish their goals.This is one of the common tactics that is used to isolate a target from others. (Relationship notwithstanding, it can be any kind of relationship at all.)
