Another very common Narc. trait (that less mature people do also, such as children who have not yet grown out of this stage) is assuming you know NOTHING about a particular subject, or are emotionally weak, fragile, and histrionic~ if you ask a single question, make an observation, or express an emotion.
What you say and what they hear are quite often two completely different things.
Your question:
"Which brand of decking that you carry is the least slippery when it gets wet?"
What the N hears:
"I know absolutely nothing about decks, materials, or building, I don't even know how to hold a screwdriver, I'm fragile and clueless, and I need your superior and extensive knowledge and experience to walk me through this terribly overwhelming decision."
Your question:
"Would you reach that for me? I want to look at it."
What the N hears:
"Would you please help me? I can't reach that because I'm so little and weak, and you're so capable, important, and knowledgeable. And strong. Stronger than ME."
Your question:
"What's your opinion on this guitar vs. that one?"
What the N hears:
"Please explain to me what a guitar is? I've never touched one before, and I know nothing at all about them, and I greatly admire and look up to YOU, who obviously has vast knowledge and talent, far and above anything I could ever have! You're one of those "real" musicians, I can tell! I'm just a squealing, silly wanna-be!"
Your observation:
"Look at those birds way over there! Is that a swan? I can't see it from here."
What the N hears:
"Look! Some kind of animal, bird-like creature, I don't know anything about them, I'm completely ignorant and can't tell one bird from another, and have never learned the names of any birds, because I'm not smart enough, and I fear nature and wild animals because I'm so fragile and silly. Please, please enlighten me, tap into your encyclopedic knowledge and explain to me what birds are, and what kind of bird that might be."
Your observation:
"It looks like rain."
What the N hears:
"OH NO there might be water falling from the sky! My hairdo will get ruined! I am too fragile to get wet, I'm afraid I'll get sick! This will ruin everything! Save me!"
Your expression:
"Wow, she was rude to me, that was annoying." (after dealing with a female medical staffer who was condescending and rude to you, but not to them.)
What the N hears:
"Like, oh my GOSH! Did you SEE HOW MEAN THAT GIRL WAS TO ME? I HATE HER! I HATE ALL PEOPLE! I AM SO JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE WAS KIND OF PRETTY! I AM NOT PRETTY ENOUGH! NO ONE LIKES ME! WHAAAAAA!!!"
Your expression:
"Wow that guy was arrogant and rude to me." (after dealing with a male sales person who was condescending and rude to you, but not to them)
What the N hears:
"WHAAA! I am angry and jealous because that man did not treat me like a princess! I am jealous and envious because MEN ARE SMARTER AND DESERVE MORE RESPECT than us silly, crazy, stupid women! I am a hateful, angry, jealous, nagging woman!"
or
"WHAAA! I am angry and jealous because that guy ignored me, because I'm not as much of a MAN as you are! I am such a weakling, and shy, I WISH I WAS MORE LIKE YOU so REAL MEN would treat me like a MAN, like they treat YOU!"
Your question:
"Were you just flirting with that guy in a serious way?"
What the N hears:
"WHAAA! I'm a weak, jealous, insecure man, and you're so HOT, and I'll never get another girl like YOU! Are you going to LEAVE ME for that other guy? He is SO MUCH more attractive than I am! You're gonna leave me, aren't you? WHAAA!"
Your statement:
"Check out that car!"
What the N hears:
"WOW! A car! It looks like some kind of "sports car" to me! Aren't those fast? What kind is it? I don't know anything about cars at all, but I know you do, because you're so smart, and know so many things!"
The really funny (or annoying, or aggravating) part is that a Narcissist will often take the conversation and run with it, actually believing their own skewed assumption that the other person is clueless, or "over-emotional", or scared. Many will proceed to give completely erroneous information, things they just make up on the spot. (That bird, well yes, that's a long-necked yellow-footed red-billed Stork, and I can tell that it's a male from it's tailfeathers...) or (The best decking is actually made of cardboard fibers that are mixed together with flax seed and recycled water bottles, this never gets slippery. When does your husband/father/contractor want to pick it up?)
*Narcissists are commonly sexist and cling to stereotypes, archetypes, and fictional beliefs about gender and appearance; they think they know you by what you look like and what your gender is. This is reflected blatantly in the way they treat others, and how they view themselves.
What you say and what they hear are quite often two completely different things.
Your question:
"Which brand of decking that you carry is the least slippery when it gets wet?"
What the N hears:
"I know absolutely nothing about decks, materials, or building, I don't even know how to hold a screwdriver, I'm fragile and clueless, and I need your superior and extensive knowledge and experience to walk me through this terribly overwhelming decision."
Your question:
"Would you reach that for me? I want to look at it."
What the N hears:
"Would you please help me? I can't reach that because I'm so little and weak, and you're so capable, important, and knowledgeable. And strong. Stronger than ME."
Your question:
"What's your opinion on this guitar vs. that one?"
What the N hears:
"Please explain to me what a guitar is? I've never touched one before, and I know nothing at all about them, and I greatly admire and look up to YOU, who obviously has vast knowledge and talent, far and above anything I could ever have! You're one of those "real" musicians, I can tell! I'm just a squealing, silly wanna-be!"
Your observation:
"Look at those birds way over there! Is that a swan? I can't see it from here."
What the N hears:
"Look! Some kind of animal, bird-like creature, I don't know anything about them, I'm completely ignorant and can't tell one bird from another, and have never learned the names of any birds, because I'm not smart enough, and I fear nature and wild animals because I'm so fragile and silly. Please, please enlighten me, tap into your encyclopedic knowledge and explain to me what birds are, and what kind of bird that might be."
Your observation:
"It looks like rain."
What the N hears:
"OH NO there might be water falling from the sky! My hairdo will get ruined! I am too fragile to get wet, I'm afraid I'll get sick! This will ruin everything! Save me!"
Your expression:
"Wow, she was rude to me, that was annoying." (after dealing with a female medical staffer who was condescending and rude to you, but not to them.)
What the N hears:
"Like, oh my GOSH! Did you SEE HOW MEAN THAT GIRL WAS TO ME? I HATE HER! I HATE ALL PEOPLE! I AM SO JEALOUS BECAUSE SHE WAS KIND OF PRETTY! I AM NOT PRETTY ENOUGH! NO ONE LIKES ME! WHAAAAAA!!!"
Your expression:
"Wow that guy was arrogant and rude to me." (after dealing with a male sales person who was condescending and rude to you, but not to them)
What the N hears:
"WHAAA! I am angry and jealous because that man did not treat me like a princess! I am jealous and envious because MEN ARE SMARTER AND DESERVE MORE RESPECT than us silly, crazy, stupid women! I am a hateful, angry, jealous, nagging woman!"
or
"WHAAA! I am angry and jealous because that guy ignored me, because I'm not as much of a MAN as you are! I am such a weakling, and shy, I WISH I WAS MORE LIKE YOU so REAL MEN would treat me like a MAN, like they treat YOU!"
Your question:
"Were you just flirting with that guy in a serious way?"
What the N hears:
"WHAAA! I'm a weak, jealous, insecure man, and you're so HOT, and I'll never get another girl like YOU! Are you going to LEAVE ME for that other guy? He is SO MUCH more attractive than I am! You're gonna leave me, aren't you? WHAAA!"
Your statement:
"Check out that car!"
What the N hears:
"WOW! A car! It looks like some kind of "sports car" to me! Aren't those fast? What kind is it? I don't know anything about cars at all, but I know you do, because you're so smart, and know so many things!"
The really funny (or annoying, or aggravating) part is that a Narcissist will often take the conversation and run with it, actually believing their own skewed assumption that the other person is clueless, or "over-emotional", or scared. Many will proceed to give completely erroneous information, things they just make up on the spot. (That bird, well yes, that's a long-necked yellow-footed red-billed Stork, and I can tell that it's a male from it's tailfeathers...) or (The best decking is actually made of cardboard fibers that are mixed together with flax seed and recycled water bottles, this
*Narcissists are commonly sexist and cling to stereotypes, archetypes, and fictional beliefs about gender and appearance; they think they know you by what you look like and what your gender is. This is reflected blatantly in the way they treat others, and how they view themselves.
