If
you adamantly don't want your lover to leave you, but don't actually
take them as seriously as you take yourself, or care THAT much about
their feelings, needs, life, children, or the future of the relationship
(you just want it to stay the way you want it, you don't want to make
any more effort, and only make changes if they're beneficial for you)
then you make be caught in a pattern of survival.
This pattern could be construed as Narcissistic behavior because it's
centered around yourself as the "important" person in the relationship,
and makes your partner an "unimportant" person. If your desire for a
relationship is with a loving, caring individual, then your equal effort
is actually required. A loving, caring person will not stay in a
relationship with a person who does not respect, care for, and love them
in return. The only kind of person who would stay in such a
relationship where the OTHER person (you) is "More Important", is
someone who is not in recovery from a dysfunctional childhood, and
therefore may not have healthy enough boundaries or behavior habits to
co-create a solid, loving, caring relationship. If we want a healthy
partner for love, care, support and friendship, then we need to find a
partner who is aware and willing to make the effort, and WE have to BE a
partner who is aware and willing to make the effort.
A Partnership
is like a pair of support beams; if they're not both actively
supporting equally and willingly, then the structure will collapse. If
one of them has little or no interest in being an equal support, then
the other one has to support both the structure AND the other beam all
by itself; it will not be able to keep it up for very long at all, and
if it doesn't get out from under, it may get crushed under the weight.
