Bias
is basically when I'm supportive and interested in one kind of person,
but bored with and non-supportive toward another kind of person.
~
So when tall, dark haired Leslie starts to speak, before she even finishes a syllable I'm quiet and paying attention so I can hear what she says, and I'm engaged and focused; I'm listening for the message she's conveying, and I display responses to her social signals; I laugh at her humor signals.
But when average height, soft spoken, light haired Lisa starts to speak, I barely pause to even acknowledge her. I might stop for a moment just to appear polite, but I really am not interested in what she has to say. When Lisa is finished speaking (or gives up because she's being ignored), I don't give her acknowledgment or respond to her humor, but I do argue with something she said.
~
In reality, Lisa is quite experienced on the subject we are talking about, and has some interesting things to say that I could really learn from. Leslie has a little experience, but not nearly as much as Lisa. Also, Lisa is actually a kinder person than Leslie, and much more polite. While Leslie interrupts people when they speak, counters them, and talks over them, Lisa is quite receptive to others' points of view, a very good listener, and a polite conversationalist.
~
So why am I listening to Leslie, but being quite rude and ignoring Lisa?
The harsh reality is not about them, but about ME. I'm simply not very aware of my own behavior, which is pretty rude, and is driven by my own bias.
Leslie's appearance catches my interest, and her manner reminds me of someone I like. Also, she's tall, and that kicks in a certain assumption that is often found in primates; following larger individuals. Her complexion and "coloring" is similar to my own, and my family's, so that feels comfortable. She seems popular, everyone else seems to pay attention to her, so my subconscious is reinforced to "pay attention to Leslie" because that's what "we" do. Her appearance, vocal tone and her body language convey dominance and a lack of manners, which I mistake for confidence and experience.
~
Lisa is smaller than Leslie, and me, so that kicks in a similar primate assumption: assigning smaller individuals "lower status". That's the biggest factor in my anti-Lisa bias, especially since she's sitting near Leslie, who I'm automatically comparing her to. Second, I get the feeling she's very intelligent, which threatens my ego, especially since she's smaller than me, and female. (I don't want to be told something I don't know by a "lower status" individual.) Third, her hair is light colored, which reminds me of a young person, which signals my subconscious again to lower her "status", and so I "don't have to pay attention to her". Fourth, her polite manner and soft voice signal to me that I will not receive serious CONSEQUENCES for ignoring her; she's probably not going to humiliate or attack me for being rude to her, because she's well-mannered. (Leslie probably would.)
Last but definitely NOT least, she reminds me of a classmate I grew up with who I was jealous of.
When no one else sends social signals that say "Hey! Pay attention to Lisa when she is speaking!", I just go along with my inclination to ignore her rudely, because I don't feel that there will be any real repercussions for doing so.
~
Our bias tells us who to pay attention to, who to engage with, who to treat with respect and friendliness, and who to listen to, believe, and follow.
It is NOT an accurate assessment of other people, although we often believe that's exactly what it is. Most of the time our biases are blanket assumptions and emotional associations that we developed in childhood, based on the very small, limited, tiny corner of the world we were experiencing, with a very small number of human beings in it. Of course we all think we're quite worldly and know "how people are", and believe we are pretty good at assessing people with very little information. We also tend to think that people are the same everywhere, that all cultures reflect the same stereotypes, and everything has been the way it is, basically, throughout history.
We think our biases are RIGHT, mostly.
So even when we're confronted with direct evidence that we are as "off" as we could possibly be, we usually deal with it by ignoring this evidence, and digging into our biases like a tick holding onto a dog's back.
~
Bias is one of the larger problems in our world, and one of the most difficult to change, only because WE don't want to change our OWN, mostly. We want to KEEP our biases, because they feel like Linus's blanket to our egos.
~
How do we change our biases? Simple~ by paying attention to our behavior; really paying attention.
By M.M.Black ©2013
~
So when tall, dark haired Leslie starts to speak, before she even finishes a syllable I'm quiet and paying attention so I can hear what she says, and I'm engaged and focused; I'm listening for the message she's conveying, and I display responses to her social signals; I laugh at her humor signals.
But when average height, soft spoken, light haired Lisa starts to speak, I barely pause to even acknowledge her. I might stop for a moment just to appear polite, but I really am not interested in what she has to say. When Lisa is finished speaking (or gives up because she's being ignored), I don't give her acknowledgment or respond to her humor, but I do argue with something she said.
~
In reality, Lisa is quite experienced on the subject we are talking about, and has some interesting things to say that I could really learn from. Leslie has a little experience, but not nearly as much as Lisa. Also, Lisa is actually a kinder person than Leslie, and much more polite. While Leslie interrupts people when they speak, counters them, and talks over them, Lisa is quite receptive to others' points of view, a very good listener, and a polite conversationalist.
~
So why am I listening to Leslie, but being quite rude and ignoring Lisa?
The harsh reality is not about them, but about ME. I'm simply not very aware of my own behavior, which is pretty rude, and is driven by my own bias.
Leslie's appearance catches my interest, and her manner reminds me of someone I like. Also, she's tall, and that kicks in a certain assumption that is often found in primates; following larger individuals. Her complexion and "coloring" is similar to my own, and my family's, so that feels comfortable. She seems popular, everyone else seems to pay attention to her, so my subconscious is reinforced to "pay attention to Leslie" because that's what "we" do. Her appearance, vocal tone and her body language convey dominance and a lack of manners, which I mistake for confidence and experience.
~
Lisa is smaller than Leslie, and me, so that kicks in a similar primate assumption: assigning smaller individuals "lower status". That's the biggest factor in my anti-Lisa bias, especially since she's sitting near Leslie, who I'm automatically comparing her to. Second, I get the feeling she's very intelligent, which threatens my ego, especially since she's smaller than me, and female. (I don't want to be told something I don't know by a "lower status" individual.) Third, her hair is light colored, which reminds me of a young person, which signals my subconscious again to lower her "status", and so I "don't have to pay attention to her". Fourth, her polite manner and soft voice signal to me that I will not receive serious CONSEQUENCES for ignoring her; she's probably not going to humiliate or attack me for being rude to her, because she's well-mannered. (Leslie probably would.)
Last but definitely NOT least, she reminds me of a classmate I grew up with who I was jealous of.
When no one else sends social signals that say "Hey! Pay attention to Lisa when she is speaking!", I just go along with my inclination to ignore her rudely, because I don't feel that there will be any real repercussions for doing so.
~
Our bias tells us who to pay attention to, who to engage with, who to treat with respect and friendliness, and who to listen to, believe, and follow.
It is NOT an accurate assessment of other people, although we often believe that's exactly what it is. Most of the time our biases are blanket assumptions and emotional associations that we developed in childhood, based on the very small, limited, tiny corner of the world we were experiencing, with a very small number of human beings in it. Of course we all think we're quite worldly and know "how people are", and believe we are pretty good at assessing people with very little information. We also tend to think that people are the same everywhere, that all cultures reflect the same stereotypes, and everything has been the way it is, basically, throughout history.
We think our biases are RIGHT, mostly.
So even when we're confronted with direct evidence that we are as "off" as we could possibly be, we usually deal with it by ignoring this evidence, and digging into our biases like a tick holding onto a dog's back.
~
Bias is one of the larger problems in our world, and one of the most difficult to change, only because WE don't want to change our OWN, mostly. We want to KEEP our biases, because they feel like Linus's blanket to our egos.
~
How do we change our biases? Simple~ by paying attention to our behavior; really paying attention.
By M.M.Black ©2013
