How
do they (Controllers, Narcissists, Bullies) STAY in that "leader"
position like they do? Even though you can see clearly how disrespectful
and condescending they are?
~~~ That IS how they stay in that position, by being condescending, disrespectful, and invalidating.
That's their tool kit.
They are constantly signaling things like "I know what I'm talking about" and "I know what I'm doing",... which sound like healthy confidence... BUT! With Controllers and Narcissists, those signals are not all by themselves.
They are ACCOMPANIED BY signals such as:
"You aren't as capable",
"Don't listen to HER",
"He doesn't know what he's doing",
"She's crazy",
"He's a loser",
"WE don't like her",
"WE don't care what he or she says",
"We don't need to listen to him",
"Your ideas and opinions are weird/silly/dumb"
"She doesn't fit in".
~
Those signals are usually subtle, but since humans are group creatures, our brains are finely tuned to pick up on subtle social signals. This is a REALLY IMPORTANT fact regarding human behavior and control. Remember that experiment where one person looks up, so everyone else does too? Instantly? That's how attuned we are. When one person treats someone with disdain, disrespect, or invalidation, that's a signal to everyone else that says "look everyone, this person isn't as good as we are."
THIS is why everyone just goes along with the way people are treating a person. If everyone seems to think a person is "cool" or "knowledgeable" for any random reason, then the human brain tends to just BELIEVE and follow the signals from other people.
If no one is paying attention to the small band playing on the corner, then the crowd walks past. If a group of three or more people stops to listen, a crowd gathers behind them.
This is VERY well known in the entertainment industry, in marketing, in business, but for some... reason... we seem to want to deny that it's no different in social interactions.
We are TOLD by the Controller that they're the "boss". Those around him or her who are following along with the Controller's social signals will back them up, because they believe it's true. When the Controller IGNORES something you said, you might feel like you said something "wrong" or silly. When others witness the Controller IGNORING YOU, they will tend to GO ALONG WITH the social signal, INSTEAD OF standing up for you. The more the Controller sends this "IGNORE HER" signal, the more people will buy into believing that you are less worthy and less significant, and the higher the Controller's level of "Boss" will rise (in their minds). You may buy into it as well if you don't realize what's going on (often because you like or trust the person).
Politicians use this all the time, every day, on purpose. Buying into the belief that everyone in one Party is "good" and the other is "bad" is now very common, and shows just how good they are at this social signaling game.
MOST Controllers do social signaling pretty well, from small social groups to large governments, and it's literally how they are able to stay in a Control position no matter how corrupt, how disrespectful, and how unfair they really are. It even works on Facebook.
On an observational note, Controllers often reveal themselves when they feel threatened that someone sees through the social signal manipulation. They may target the person for social manipulation, either trying to turn everyone against them in a hostility campaign, or trying to get everyone to shun them (exclude them, leave them out, ignore them). Amazingly, since many humans are so easily influenced by social signaling, they often go right along with the Controller's agenda without stopping to think for themselves.
~~~ That IS how they stay in that position, by being condescending, disrespectful, and invalidating.
That's their tool kit.
They are constantly signaling things like "I know what I'm talking about" and "I know what I'm doing",... which sound like healthy confidence... BUT! With Controllers and Narcissists, those signals are not all by themselves.
They are ACCOMPANIED BY signals such as:
"You aren't as capable",
"Don't listen to HER",
"He doesn't know what he's doing",
"She's crazy",
"He's a loser",
"WE don't like her",
"WE don't care what he or she says",
"We don't need to listen to him",
"Your ideas and opinions are weird/silly/dumb"
"She doesn't fit in".
~
Those signals are usually subtle, but since humans are group creatures, our brains are finely tuned to pick up on subtle social signals. This is a REALLY IMPORTANT fact regarding human behavior and control. Remember that experiment where one person looks up, so everyone else does too? Instantly? That's how attuned we are. When one person treats someone with disdain, disrespect, or invalidation, that's a signal to everyone else that says "look everyone, this person isn't as good as we are."
THIS is why everyone just goes along with the way people are treating a person. If everyone seems to think a person is "cool" or "knowledgeable" for any random reason, then the human brain tends to just BELIEVE and follow the signals from other people.
If no one is paying attention to the small band playing on the corner, then the crowd walks past. If a group of three or more people stops to listen, a crowd gathers behind them.
This is VERY well known in the entertainment industry, in marketing, in business, but for some... reason... we seem to want to deny that it's no different in social interactions.
We are TOLD by the Controller that they're the "boss". Those around him or her who are following along with the Controller's social signals will back them up, because they believe it's true. When the Controller IGNORES something you said, you might feel like you said something "wrong" or silly. When others witness the Controller IGNORING YOU, they will tend to GO ALONG WITH the social signal, INSTEAD OF standing up for you. The more the Controller sends this "IGNORE HER" signal, the more people will buy into believing that you are less worthy and less significant, and the higher the Controller's level of "Boss" will rise (in their minds). You may buy into it as well if you don't realize what's going on (often because you like or trust the person).
Politicians use this all the time, every day, on purpose. Buying into the belief that everyone in one Party is "good" and the other is "bad" is now very common, and shows just how good they are at this social signaling game.
MOST Controllers do social signaling pretty well, from small social groups to large governments, and it's literally how they are able to stay in a Control position no matter how corrupt, how disrespectful, and how unfair they really are. It even works on Facebook.
On an observational note, Controllers often reveal themselves when they feel threatened that someone sees through the social signal manipulation. They may target the person for social manipulation, either trying to turn everyone against them in a hostility campaign, or trying to get everyone to shun them (exclude them, leave them out, ignore them). Amazingly, since many humans are so easily influenced by social signaling, they often go right along with the Controller's agenda without stopping to think for themselves.
