Obstacle To Change, Fear Of Leaving

Obstacles To Change

One of the biggest obstacles to change can be our fear of humiliation, rejection, and slander. It's not just the "name calling", its what can come with it.

A person who has been rejected by the Personality-disordered for any reason, serious or trivial, real or completely false, is usually ALSO smeared to whomever possible, directly attacked either verbally, physically, financially, or emotionally, and often "kicked out" of home, family or social circles, community circles, work, and cut off from normal resources.

Without access to normal supports and resources that others take for granted (don't even realize they have), the person is not able to live their life "normally" in the same way as others, and can then be conveniently labeled as a "loser".

When someone labels a person as "loser", "unstable", or "bad news", few are aware or mature enough to investigate past the label, and simply avoid being associated with the person, or give them any resources or help, and often won't even treat them with normal or minimal courtesy and manners.

So while they're trying to recover from rejection and attack, they are also struggling for regular survival, which means they have LESS resources for recovery than others (money, human connection, access to travel, access to healthcare for themselves or their children), never mind daily life. They are actually MORE LIKELY than before to be targeted by those with ill intent.

Human beings like to go by what they've heard about others; almost everyone denies that they do it, but almost everyone does it. So if the odds of a person getting hired, getting a loan, getting anything whatsoever, even fair customer service or plain social courtesy from others are very low if someone has even IMPLIED that they are "less than". Only if a person had a positive impression of the person FIRST, or if they personally are attracted to them in some way, will they "give the person a chance". Most humans LIKE an excuse to think of a person as "less worthy" than themselves.

It's no wonder that the fear of other people's reactions often deters a person from changing their lives, leaving negative situations or  stressful relationships, doing things to improve their situations or taking positive risks (like returning to college, getting a new job, quitting substance abuse, writing a book, going to church, singing on stage, volunteering, taking certain classes, or learning a trade. Or changing careers, running for office, or doing something outside of their stereotype.) If the change is likely to poke someone's brittle or inflated ego, then the odds of them doling out negative consequences against the person are high. The more people there are in a group who have brittle or inflated egos, the higher the odds are of dramatic negative reactions to any changes, especially if a person has already been targeted.