~If I am not one of the people you take seriously, why on earth would you think that you're one of the people I take seriously?
Flags that happen so often in modern culture that most of us don't even realize it's going on:
They tell a story about themselves, you listen. They share their observations, you listen, making sounds and gestures of acknowledgment. They vent their frustrations, laments, ills, you listen. They tell the "story" about their morning, their ride to work, the conversation with their cat, their child, their mother, their neighbor, the mailman, you listen, nod, smile, and give feedback.
They talk, even if it's cutting into the time that something else is going on (work, meeting, dinner, going home, movie, school, someone else talking, break time, anything)
... YOU start to talk, and SUDDENLY it's "time to start work" or "time to go inside" or "time to listen to the speaker" or "listen to the show" or "pay attention" or "take this seriously".
There is ALWAYS time for them to tell THEIR stories (or certain other people), but there is amazingly NEVER time for you to tell YOUR stories.
This is so common in a dysfunctional culture because it is a "Hierarchy" display. Those who are not hierarchy and status-minded may not realize what's going on (for years). Whoever is a higher-status-monkey in the primate group gets to talk, and everyone listens to them when they talk, no matter what they're talking about or what they're saying, and whoever has been cast in a "lower status" position in the primate group gets ignored and dismissed, no matter what they're talking about or what they're saying. This practice actually serves to KEEP the monkey-hierarchy intact, because the only people who usually talk about the fact that the hierarchy exists, or that it's unfair, immature, and ridiculous, ARE those who have been put in "lower status" positions, so they get dismissed and even belittled when they speak AUTOMATICALLY. ~~~ If a person who has been designated as a "higher status" in the primate group starts pointing out the immaturity of the hierarchy, they will usually get attacked and will be targeted to be reassigned as "lower status" (so people will automatically stop listening to them speak.)
Narcissists are usually fixated on "hierarchy", and live their lives trying to be one of the "higher status" members within any group that they're part of. ("Higher status" does NOT necessarily mean "Leadership positions", although it can. It mostly means being seen as "one of the better people", one of the people that gets sympathy, positive attention, some form of group-consensus "respect". Higher Status means one gets sympathy instead of judgment and shame for transgressions or mistakes, it means that one gets listened to, praised, and remembered instead of ignored, criticized, and forgotten, it means that others in the group feel that they are "supposed to" give the person a certain amount of "respect" and be nice to them. It also means that one is allowed to display domination signals toward certain others, like ignoring them when they speak, treating them without respect, or talking about them behind their back, without consequence from other group members.)
Flags that happen so often in modern culture that most of us don't even realize it's going on:
They tell a story about themselves, you listen. They share their observations, you listen, making sounds and gestures of acknowledgment. They vent their frustrations, laments, ills, you listen. They tell the "story" about their morning, their ride to work, the conversation with their cat, their child, their mother, their neighbor, the mailman, you listen, nod, smile, and give feedback.
They talk, even if it's cutting into the time that something else is going on (work, meeting, dinner, going home, movie, school, someone else talking, break time, anything)
... YOU start to talk, and SUDDENLY it's "time to start work" or "time to go inside" or "time to listen to the speaker" or "listen to the show" or "pay attention" or "take this seriously".
There is ALWAYS time for them to tell THEIR stories (or certain other people), but there is amazingly NEVER time for you to tell YOUR stories.
This is so common in a dysfunctional culture because it is a "Hierarchy" display. Those who are not hierarchy and status-minded may not realize what's going on (for years). Whoever is a higher-status-monkey in the primate group gets to talk, and everyone listens to them when they talk, no matter what they're talking about or what they're saying, and whoever has been cast in a "lower status" position in the primate group gets ignored and dismissed, no matter what they're talking about or what they're saying. This practice actually serves to KEEP the monkey-hierarchy intact, because the only people who usually talk about the fact that the hierarchy exists, or that it's unfair, immature, and ridiculous, ARE those who have been put in "lower status" positions, so they get dismissed and even belittled when they speak AUTOMATICALLY. ~~~ If a person who has been designated as a "higher status" in the primate group starts pointing out the immaturity of the hierarchy, they will usually get attacked and will be targeted to be reassigned as "lower status" (so people will automatically stop listening to them speak.)
Narcissists are usually fixated on "hierarchy", and live their lives trying to be one of the "higher status" members within any group that they're part of. ("Higher status" does NOT necessarily mean "Leadership positions", although it can. It mostly means being seen as "one of the better people", one of the people that gets sympathy, positive attention, some form of group-consensus "respect". Higher Status means one gets sympathy instead of judgment and shame for transgressions or mistakes, it means that one gets listened to, praised, and remembered instead of ignored, criticized, and forgotten, it means that others in the group feel that they are "supposed to" give the person a certain amount of "respect" and be nice to them. It also means that one is allowed to display domination signals toward certain others, like ignoring them when they speak, treating them without respect, or talking about them behind their back, without consequence from other group members.)
