Focus.
When there is a person who has some form of Narcissism somewhere in our lives, that is where our minds are usually focused; we think, do, feel, and plan with them either at the epicenter, or at least always "in mind".
People with Narcissism make themselves into a kind of gravity point, and at the same time emanate "fragility". To put it in simple imagery, they're like a salt water crocodile made of fine china. You're always worrying about their bite and their tail whipping, and at the same time you're worrying about breaking them by walking too heavily near them or saying the 'wrong' thing. There WILL be consequences, whether they bite you, or someone else bites you for "cracking" or "chipping" them.
This image of fine. precious, fragile china combined with the snapping, gnashing, wide-reaching, hyper-triggered WRATH of the crocodile is how they project themselves into the world. Some people see more of the precious, fragile china, and other see more of the looming crocodile. So, some feel oppressed by the Narcissist, like one would if they had to live near a live crocodile, and others are very protective of the Narcissist, even hyper-protective, ready to strike at anyone who comes near (even the N's own child).
As a result, people make plans around the Narcissist as a matter of daily living. Much like making a Ming Vas the center of the decor in a room, and always being aware of it when one enters so as not to break it. Or like tiptoeing around and diverting plans so as not to wake or provoke the sleeping crocodile.
ALL plans are made either around the Narcissist or with the Narcissist in mind somehow. One may even feel guilt or shame when a the N. is not included or given control over plans. Others will rally to make sure that the N. is being "treated properly and respectfully", even if they have to throw someone else under the nearest oncoming bus to do that.
Some plans may be hidden from the Narcissist in order to avoid consequences from them like resentment and subsequent "punishment", such as slander/backstabbing or emotional abuse.
Many plans include the Narcissist that would not have included them otherwise. Many plans are made and then given over to the N. to allow them to "approve" or "veto" them, even if the plans have absolutely nothing to do with them. Activities and plans are constantly being reworked or nixed altogether because they might not meet the N's "approval", or PLEASE the Narcissist.
From mundane, daily activities, including basic self-care and self-maintenance, to TV shows, to what to eat for lunch, to what kind of car to buy, to one's clothing, to one's social life, friends and activities, all the way across the gamut to one's career choices, life goals, life partners and where one lives are planned by long habit AROUND the Narcissist, what the N. might approve or disapprove of, what they N would say or do in response to a plan.
This behavior of living around the Narcissist is taught and learned in early childhood, all through the people that a child is involved with.
For example:
In Kindergarten, Christopher is playing with blocks, intently building. Katherine sits down next to him and plays with him, helping to build this wonderful structure. Lee sees them and becomes jealous, and knocks them down.
Now, instead of removing Lee from the play area and giving him some kind of disciplinary consequence (which would help him learn that bullying is wrong), the teacher instead tells Christopher and Katherine to ALLOW LEE to PLAY WITH THEM.
So the teacher, in one fell swoop, just sent a clear message to Christopher and Katherine that they should ALLOW BULLIES to literally walk on them and what they're doing, that standing up for themselves against a bully is not the "right thing to do" and that they should feel SORRY for Lee and PRETEND IT DIDN"T HAPPEN. And a clear message to Lee that it's PERFECTLY OKAY to behave that way, that there will be no consequences, and that other people SHOULD LET YOU disrespect and stomp on whatever they're doing.
This teacher repeats this backward messaging throughout the school year. By the end of the year the children who bullied others in the class have developed a feeling of entitlement and have not learned a thing about manners, respecting others, or social interaction. And the children who were being bullied have developed a habit of looking over their shoulder, coddling the bully kids so they won't wreck their stuff, and feel afraid to stand up for themselves or tell on the bullies, because they know the teacher will not protect them or discipline the bully.
We are taught and modeled this Narcissist-coddling throughout our childhoods in all kinds of situations and groups.
The boys' baseball coach using female words as insults to the male-only baseball team is a widespread practice, and CLEARLY coddles bullying, entitlement, and prejudice. Racist terms (against whites, blacks, or any other race) are used in the same way in many groups.
Why isn't anyone standing up against it?
Because they are being brainwashed to accept it, OR ELSE. Go along with it, OR ELSE. If you're not "one of us", we'll single you out and make your life miserable.
It's conditioning children to accept bully and abusive behavior in order to be ACCEPTED, and also to behave that way themselves.
Everyone PUSSY-FOOTS AROUND the bigots, the name callers, the disrespectors, and the bully-punks-brats. In order to avoid consequences for themselves, and be accepted, even though it's acceptance from people who are obviously very lacking in integrity and respect.
It's not about "political correctness", it's about actual Focus.
When there is a person who has some form of Narcissism somewhere in our lives, that is where our minds are usually focused; we think, do, feel, and plan with them either at the epicenter, or at least always "in mind".
People with Narcissism make themselves into a kind of gravity point, and at the same time emanate "fragility". To put it in simple imagery, they're like a salt water crocodile made of fine china. You're always worrying about their bite and their tail whipping, and at the same time you're worrying about breaking them by walking too heavily near them or saying the 'wrong' thing. There WILL be consequences, whether they bite you, or someone else bites you for "cracking" or "chipping" them.
This image of fine. precious, fragile china combined with the snapping, gnashing, wide-reaching, hyper-triggered WRATH of the crocodile is how they project themselves into the world. Some people see more of the precious, fragile china, and other see more of the looming crocodile. So, some feel oppressed by the Narcissist, like one would if they had to live near a live crocodile, and others are very protective of the Narcissist, even hyper-protective, ready to strike at anyone who comes near (even the N's own child).
As a result, people make plans around the Narcissist as a matter of daily living. Much like making a Ming Vas the center of the decor in a room, and always being aware of it when one enters so as not to break it. Or like tiptoeing around and diverting plans so as not to wake or provoke the sleeping crocodile.
ALL plans are made either around the Narcissist or with the Narcissist in mind somehow. One may even feel guilt or shame when a the N. is not included or given control over plans. Others will rally to make sure that the N. is being "treated properly and respectfully", even if they have to throw someone else under the nearest oncoming bus to do that.
Some plans may be hidden from the Narcissist in order to avoid consequences from them like resentment and subsequent "punishment", such as slander/backstabbing or emotional abuse.
Many plans include the Narcissist that would not have included them otherwise. Many plans are made and then given over to the N. to allow them to "approve" or "veto" them, even if the plans have absolutely nothing to do with them. Activities and plans are constantly being reworked or nixed altogether because they might not meet the N's "approval", or PLEASE the Narcissist.
From mundane, daily activities, including basic self-care and self-maintenance, to TV shows, to what to eat for lunch, to what kind of car to buy, to one's clothing, to one's social life, friends and activities, all the way across the gamut to one's career choices, life goals, life partners and where one lives are planned by long habit AROUND the Narcissist, what the N. might approve or disapprove of, what they N would say or do in response to a plan.
This behavior of living around the Narcissist is taught and learned in early childhood, all through the people that a child is involved with.
For example:
In Kindergarten, Christopher is playing with blocks, intently building. Katherine sits down next to him and plays with him, helping to build this wonderful structure. Lee sees them and becomes jealous, and knocks them down.
Now, instead of removing Lee from the play area and giving him some kind of disciplinary consequence (which would help him learn that bullying is wrong), the teacher instead tells Christopher and Katherine to ALLOW LEE to PLAY WITH THEM.
So the teacher, in one fell swoop, just sent a clear message to Christopher and Katherine that they should ALLOW BULLIES to literally walk on them and what they're doing, that standing up for themselves against a bully is not the "right thing to do" and that they should feel SORRY for Lee and PRETEND IT DIDN"T HAPPEN. And a clear message to Lee that it's PERFECTLY OKAY to behave that way, that there will be no consequences, and that other people SHOULD LET YOU disrespect and stomp on whatever they're doing.
This teacher repeats this backward messaging throughout the school year. By the end of the year the children who bullied others in the class have developed a feeling of entitlement and have not learned a thing about manners, respecting others, or social interaction. And the children who were being bullied have developed a habit of looking over their shoulder, coddling the bully kids so they won't wreck their stuff, and feel afraid to stand up for themselves or tell on the bullies, because they know the teacher will not protect them or discipline the bully.
We are taught and modeled this Narcissist-coddling throughout our childhoods in all kinds of situations and groups.
The boys' baseball coach using female words as insults to the male-only baseball team is a widespread practice, and CLEARLY coddles bullying, entitlement, and prejudice. Racist terms (against whites, blacks, or any other race) are used in the same way in many groups. Bullying within the team or group, or one group against another, is just more "training" to accept the behavior.
Why isn't anyone standing up against it?
Because they are being brainwashed to accept it, OR ELSE. Go along with it, OR ELSE. If you're not "one of us", we'll single you out and make your life miserable.
It's conditioning children to accept bully and abusive behavior in order to be ACCEPTED, and also to behave that way themselves.
Everyone PUSSY-FOOTS AROUND the bigots, the name callers, the disrespectors, and the bully-punks-brats. In order to avoid consequences for themselves, and be accepted, even though it's acceptance from people who are obviously very lacking in integrity and respect.
It's not about "political correctness", it's about actual integrity.
We are taught to accept the behavior of those who clearly show that they don't have it, nor do they have healthy, strong boundaries, and live our lives around their knee-jerk, snappy, long-reaching hair trigger wrath while being ever so careful not to chip their fragile, fine china skin.
The focus of a Narcissist is on themselves, and on making sure that they are the center of everyone else's.
When there is a person who has some form of Narcissism somewhere in our lives, that is where our minds are usually focused; we think, do, feel, and plan with them either at the epicenter, or at least always "in mind".
People with Narcissism make themselves into a kind of gravity point, and at the same time emanate "fragility". To put it in simple imagery, they're like a salt water crocodile made of fine china. You're always worrying about their bite and their tail whipping, and at the same time you're worrying about breaking them by walking too heavily near them or saying the 'wrong' thing. There WILL be consequences, whether they bite you, or someone else bites you for "cracking" or "chipping" them.
This image of fine. precious, fragile china combined with the snapping, gnashing, wide-reaching, hyper-triggered WRATH of the crocodile is how they project themselves into the world. Some people see more of the precious, fragile china, and other see more of the looming crocodile. So, some feel oppressed by the Narcissist, like one would if they had to live near a live crocodile, and others are very protective of the Narcissist, even hyper-protective, ready to strike at anyone who comes near (even the N's own child).
As a result, people make plans around the Narcissist as a matter of daily living. Much like making a Ming Vas the center of the decor in a room, and always being aware of it when one enters so as not to break it. Or like tiptoeing around and diverting plans so as not to wake or provoke the sleeping crocodile.
ALL plans are made either around the Narcissist or with the Narcissist in mind somehow. One may even feel guilt or shame when a the N. is not included or given control over plans. Others will rally to make sure that the N. is being "treated properly and respectfully", even if they have to throw someone else under the nearest oncoming bus to do that.
Some plans may be hidden from the Narcissist in order to avoid consequences from them like resentment and subsequent "punishment", such as slander/backstabbing or emotional abuse.
Many plans include the Narcissist that would not have included them otherwise. Many plans are made and then given over to the N. to allow them to "approve" or "veto" them, even if the plans have absolutely nothing to do with them. Activities and plans are constantly being reworked or nixed altogether because they might not meet the N's "approval", or PLEASE the Narcissist.
From mundane, daily activities, including basic self-care and self-maintenance, to TV shows, to what to eat for lunch, to what kind of car to buy, to one's clothing, to one's social life, friends and activities, all the way across the gamut to one's career choices, life goals, life partners and where one lives are planned by long habit AROUND the Narcissist, what the N. might approve or disapprove of, what they N would say or do in response to a plan.
This behavior of living around the Narcissist is taught and learned in early childhood, all through the people that a child is involved with.
For example:
In Kindergarten, Christopher is playing with blocks, intently building. Katherine sits down next to him and plays with him, helping to build this wonderful structure. Lee sees them and becomes jealous, and knocks them down.
Now, instead of removing Lee from the play area and giving him some kind of disciplinary consequence (which would help him learn that bullying is wrong), the teacher instead tells Christopher and Katherine to ALLOW LEE to PLAY WITH THEM.
So the teacher, in one fell swoop, just sent a clear message to Christopher and Katherine that they should ALLOW BULLIES to literally walk on them and what they're doing, that standing up for themselves against a bully is not the "right thing to do" and that they should feel SORRY for Lee and PRETEND IT DIDN"T HAPPEN. And a clear message to Lee that it's PERFECTLY OKAY to behave that way, that there will be no consequences, and that other people SHOULD LET YOU disrespect and stomp on whatever they're doing.
This teacher repeats this backward messaging throughout the school year. By the end of the year the children who bullied others in the class have developed a feeling of entitlement and have not learned a thing about manners, respecting others, or social interaction. And the children who were being bullied have developed a habit of looking over their shoulder, coddling the bully kids so they won't wreck their stuff, and feel afraid to stand up for themselves or tell on the bullies, because they know the teacher will not protect them or discipline the bully.
We are taught and modeled this Narcissist-coddling throughout our childhoods in all kinds of situations and groups.
The boys' baseball coach using female words as insults to the male-only baseball team is a widespread practice, and CLEARLY coddles bullying, entitlement, and prejudice. Racist terms (against whites, blacks, or any other race) are used in the same way in many groups.
Why isn't anyone standing up against it?
Because they are being brainwashed to accept it, OR ELSE. Go along with it, OR ELSE. If you're not "one of us", we'll single you out and make your life miserable.
It's conditioning children to accept bully and abusive behavior in order to be ACCEPTED, and also to behave that way themselves.
Everyone PUSSY-FOOTS AROUND the bigots, the name callers, the disrespectors, and the bully-punks-brats. In order to avoid consequences for themselves, and be accepted, even though it's acceptance from people who are obviously very lacking in integrity and respect.
It's not about "political correctness", it's about actual Focus.
When there is a person who has some form of Narcissism somewhere in our lives, that is where our minds are usually focused; we think, do, feel, and plan with them either at the epicenter, or at least always "in mind".
People with Narcissism make themselves into a kind of gravity point, and at the same time emanate "fragility". To put it in simple imagery, they're like a salt water crocodile made of fine china. You're always worrying about their bite and their tail whipping, and at the same time you're worrying about breaking them by walking too heavily near them or saying the 'wrong' thing. There WILL be consequences, whether they bite you, or someone else bites you for "cracking" or "chipping" them.
This image of fine. precious, fragile china combined with the snapping, gnashing, wide-reaching, hyper-triggered WRATH of the crocodile is how they project themselves into the world. Some people see more of the precious, fragile china, and other see more of the looming crocodile. So, some feel oppressed by the Narcissist, like one would if they had to live near a live crocodile, and others are very protective of the Narcissist, even hyper-protective, ready to strike at anyone who comes near (even the N's own child).
As a result, people make plans around the Narcissist as a matter of daily living. Much like making a Ming Vas the center of the decor in a room, and always being aware of it when one enters so as not to break it. Or like tiptoeing around and diverting plans so as not to wake or provoke the sleeping crocodile.
ALL plans are made either around the Narcissist or with the Narcissist in mind somehow. One may even feel guilt or shame when a the N. is not included or given control over plans. Others will rally to make sure that the N. is being "treated properly and respectfully", even if they have to throw someone else under the nearest oncoming bus to do that.
Some plans may be hidden from the Narcissist in order to avoid consequences from them like resentment and subsequent "punishment", such as slander/backstabbing or emotional abuse.
Many plans include the Narcissist that would not have included them otherwise. Many plans are made and then given over to the N. to allow them to "approve" or "veto" them, even if the plans have absolutely nothing to do with them. Activities and plans are constantly being reworked or nixed altogether because they might not meet the N's "approval", or PLEASE the Narcissist.
From mundane, daily activities, including basic self-care and self-maintenance, to TV shows, to what to eat for lunch, to what kind of car to buy, to one's clothing, to one's social life, friends and activities, all the way across the gamut to one's career choices, life goals, life partners and where one lives are planned by long habit AROUND the Narcissist, what the N. might approve or disapprove of, what they N would say or do in response to a plan.
This behavior of living around the Narcissist is taught and learned in early childhood, all through the people that a child is involved with.
For example:
In Kindergarten, Christopher is playing with blocks, intently building. Katherine sits down next to him and plays with him, helping to build this wonderful structure. Lee sees them and becomes jealous, and knocks them down.
Now, instead of removing Lee from the play area and giving him some kind of disciplinary consequence (which would help him learn that bullying is wrong), the teacher instead tells Christopher and Katherine to ALLOW LEE to PLAY WITH THEM.
So the teacher, in one fell swoop, just sent a clear message to Christopher and Katherine that they should ALLOW BULLIES to literally walk on them and what they're doing, that standing up for themselves against a bully is not the "right thing to do" and that they should feel SORRY for Lee and PRETEND IT DIDN"T HAPPEN. And a clear message to Lee that it's PERFECTLY OKAY to behave that way, that there will be no consequences, and that other people SHOULD LET YOU disrespect and stomp on whatever they're doing.
This teacher repeats this backward messaging throughout the school year. By the end of the year the children who bullied others in the class have developed a feeling of entitlement and have not learned a thing about manners, respecting others, or social interaction. And the children who were being bullied have developed a habit of looking over their shoulder, coddling the bully kids so they won't wreck their stuff, and feel afraid to stand up for themselves or tell on the bullies, because they know the teacher will not protect them or discipline the bully.
We are taught and modeled this Narcissist-coddling throughout our childhoods in all kinds of situations and groups.
The boys' baseball coach using female words as insults to the male-only baseball team is a widespread practice, and CLEARLY coddles bullying, entitlement, and prejudice. Racist terms (against whites, blacks, or any other race) are used in the same way in many groups. Bullying within the team or group, or one group against another, is just more "training" to accept the behavior.
Why isn't anyone standing up against it?
Because they are being brainwashed to accept it, OR ELSE. Go along with it, OR ELSE. If you're not "one of us", we'll single you out and make your life miserable.
It's conditioning children to accept bully and abusive behavior in order to be ACCEPTED, and also to behave that way themselves.
Everyone PUSSY-FOOTS AROUND the bigots, the name callers, the disrespectors, and the bully-punks-brats. In order to avoid consequences for themselves, and be accepted, even though it's acceptance from people who are obviously very lacking in integrity and respect.
It's not about "political correctness", it's about actual integrity.
We are taught to accept the behavior of those who clearly show that they don't have it, nor do they have healthy, strong boundaries, and live our lives around their knee-jerk, snappy, long-reaching hair trigger wrath while being ever so careful not to chip their fragile, fine china skin.
The focus of a Narcissist is on themselves, and on making sure that they are the center of everyone else's.
