A large part of Recovery is learning to "be yourself", either again or for the first time, and do what makes you "you", regardless of the lack of acknowledgement, praise, approval, or even basic courtesy and respect from people around you.
They don't seem to like that you love to play music, do it anyway.
YOU love to play music, that's what's important.
They don't seem to like you going to back to college? Do it anyway. Learning more about what you're interested in is a healthy interest and activity.
They don't like your career pursuits? (crime or putting others in danger notwithstanding) Do it anyway. You are the one who is living your one and precious life, not them.
They don't seem to like or approve of your caring for children, animals, "the needy", abuse victims, or the ill or handicapped? Do it anyway. They apparently don't share or understand your compassion, so what, you probably don't understand their LACK of compassion or care, either. It's your life, do what you need to do, what you want to do, what you feel is right.
They don't like your skills, hobbies, or interests because it doesn't line up with their expectations of you as a man, or you as a woman? Or you as whatever your body type and size is, or your race, or your coloring?
DO IT ANYWAY.
DO PROTECT yourself from narcissistic behavior such as sabotage, threats, and attack, because it's common for Narcissists to actually feel threatened by those who don't abide by their biased expectations toward race, sex, or even body type.
(They want the behavior to match their expectations of others based on the way a person looks; if it doesn't, they can actually feel threatened and react. Don't let this STOP YOU from being your authentic self. Just have awareness. If you feel threatened, remember it's about THEM, not you, and you can feel justified in leaving their "reach" or seeking allies so you can continue pursuing your interests.)
They try to shut down your voice, your expression, your opinion? Do it anyway, and maybe do it louder and more clearly.
Ask yourself this: do they try to ridicule or shut down anyone else's 'voice'? How would they react if you, or someone else, did or said the same things to them?
We all make mistakes in judgment, and none of us know everything, in fact most of us know very little~
so there is NO ONE who's voice, opinion, and observations will be "correct" all the time, no matter how LOUD they talk, or how successful, wealthy, or famous they are. If they're not getting "shut down", then there's no validity to shutting you down, even if something you said wasn't "perfect".
(All you need to do is read many famous song lyrics to drive this point home. Listening to the radio (DJ's and talk radio hosts), and watching a LOT of television shows also demonstrates this point very clearly.)
Learning to BE OURSELVES regardless of the reactions, lack of acknowledgement, lack of approval or even attempts to stop us is a very important part of Recovery.
They don't seem to like that you love to play music, do it anyway.
YOU love to play music, that's what's important.
They don't seem to like you going to back to college? Do it anyway. Learning more about what you're interested in is a healthy interest and activity.
They don't like your career pursuits? (crime or putting others in danger notwithstanding) Do it anyway. You are the one who is living your one and precious life, not them.
They don't seem to like or approve of your caring for children, animals, "the needy", abuse victims, or the ill or handicapped? Do it anyway. They apparently don't share or understand your compassion, so what, you probably don't understand their LACK of compassion or care, either. It's your life, do what you need to do, what you want to do, what you feel is right.
They don't like your skills, hobbies, or interests because it doesn't line up with their expectations of you as a man, or you as a woman? Or you as whatever your body type and size is, or your race, or your coloring?
DO IT ANYWAY.
DO PROTECT yourself from narcissistic behavior such as sabotage, threats, and attack, because it's common for Narcissists to actually feel threatened by those who don't abide by their biased expectations toward race, sex, or even body type.
(They want the behavior to match their expectations of others based on the way a person looks; if it doesn't, they can actually feel threatened and react. Don't let this STOP YOU from being your authentic self. Just have awareness. If you feel threatened, remember it's about THEM, not you, and you can feel justified in leaving their "reach" or seeking allies so you can continue pursuing your interests.)
They try to shut down your voice, your expression, your opinion? Do it anyway, and maybe do it louder and more clearly.
Ask yourself this: do they try to ridicule or shut down anyone else's 'voice'? How would they react if you, or someone else, did or said the same things to them?
We all make mistakes in judgment, and none of us know everything, in fact most of us know very little~
so there is NO ONE who's voice, opinion, and observations will be "correct" all the time, no matter how LOUD they talk, or how successful, wealthy, or famous they are. If they're not getting "shut down", then there's no validity to shutting you down, even if something you said wasn't "perfect".
(All you need to do is read many famous song lyrics to drive this point home. Listening to the radio (DJ's and talk radio hosts), and watching a LOT of television shows also demonstrates this point very clearly.)
Learning to BE OURSELVES regardless of the reactions, lack of acknowledgement, lack of approval or even attempts to stop us is a very important part of Recovery.
