Protecting the dignity of others is one of the foundations of civilization, and the development of civil behavior.
No one is immune to embarrassment or feelings of humiliation. Instead of making that happen more often to others with our speech and actions, we purposely minimize the occurrences by using civility, politeness, and our own empathy.
For instance when we see someone walking out of the bathroom at a restaurant with toilet paper dragging behind their shoe, we do something to discreetly stop them, or just step on it to get it off their shoe (if we're close enough). What we would NOT do is yell across the restaurant "HEY YOU GOT TOILET PAPER ON YOUR SHOE!" or point at them and laugh out loud, getting everyone around us to look at them. It's not about "political correctness", it's just dignity and empathy.
Even if WE wouldn't be bothered by it ourselves, our empathy and common sense tells us that the other person might be, and so we seek to quickly and quietly just fix it, not make a big drama out of it, trying to get attention for ourselves at the other person's expense.
Some Narcissists might help the person, some might do the opposite and yell across the room or point it out. But most Narcissists, whether they helped or not, would then see the person as a little "lower" than before, as if the toilet paper incident ONLY happens to those who aren't on the same level as they are. (Even if it HAS happened to them before~ it doesn't matter.)
So one of the major practical reasons that civilized behavior includes protecting the dignity of one another, is because of predators and Narcissists who might be nearby, witnessing the events and conversations around them.
Now that person with the toilet paper on their shoe is on the Narcissist's radar, and the person's reaction would have been gauged. Did she act embarrassed? Did she shrug it off? Did she turn red, even though he shrugged it off? Did she go back into the bathroom, or fidget with her hair, act nervous? Did she seem oblivious, and perhaps drunk?
That information may be filed and used to assess the person's personality (not necessarily ACCURATELY, but the Narc. will think so). So if the Narc. assesses the person to be dominatable, then that's one more person they feel superior to, or that they might even mark for future games, depending on the individuals and the personal agenda.
If it was a "big business" meeting where there were a lot of "narcs" and "sharks" present, then the picture is clearer to see why the whole scenario would carry importance.
But it's important in every day life. Many Narcs and predators are FULLY AWARE of the dignity of others, and it's obvious because they are SO worried about protecting their OWN, but they purposely TARGET the dignity of others in order to hurt them in a broad way.
They might do seemingly small, subtle things such as mentioning your hair dye in a crowded room, or they might comment on your teeth in front of someone else, or they might make fun of your job in front of others. They might NOT tell you that your shirt is on backwards just so they can watch other people notice it.
Or they might do things like put you down and insult you in front of others, they might do it in front of personal social groups or at your job. They might purposely condescend to you in front of others so it looks like you don't know what you're doing, or what you're talking about. They might "shush" you, or criticize you in front of others.
They might purposely withhold introductions, polite interactions, and normal civil behavior toward you.
They might purposely disagree with you in front of others, and then try to attack you ad hominem.
"In Front Of Others" is important because they're not just disagreeing with you, they are trying to AFFECT AN OUTCOME and trying to get OTHER PEOPLE to turn against you, or at least see you in a LESS POSITIVE LIGHT.
If they disagreed with you, and they were protecting your dignity, they would disagree politely and share their own point of view, but they would do it in private, OR they would simply NOT use insults, condescension, or accusatory language.
One could have a discussion with Charles Manson, the Dalai Lama, Hillary Clinton, Vladimir Putin, Queen Elizabeth, and Michelle Obama about pretty much any subject WITHOUT any animosity or snottiness, for hours, IF everyone there was practicing CIVILITY, and being aware of one another's dignity.
For real.
No one is immune to embarrassment or feelings of humiliation. Instead of making that happen more often to others with our speech and actions, we purposely minimize the occurrences by using civility, politeness, and our own empathy.
For instance when we see someone walking out of the bathroom at a restaurant with toilet paper dragging behind their shoe, we do something to discreetly stop them, or just step on it to get it off their shoe (if we're close enough). What we would NOT do is yell across the restaurant "HEY YOU GOT TOILET PAPER ON YOUR SHOE!" or point at them and laugh out loud, getting everyone around us to look at them. It's not about "political correctness", it's just dignity and empathy.
Even if WE wouldn't be bothered by it ourselves, our empathy and common sense tells us that the other person might be, and so we seek to quickly and quietly just fix it, not make a big drama out of it, trying to get attention for ourselves at the other person's expense.
Some Narcissists might help the person, some might do the opposite and yell across the room or point it out. But most Narcissists, whether they helped or not, would then see the person as a little "lower" than before, as if the toilet paper incident ONLY happens to those who aren't on the same level as they are. (Even if it HAS happened to them before~ it doesn't matter.)
So one of the major practical reasons that civilized behavior includes protecting the dignity of one another, is because of predators and Narcissists who might be nearby, witnessing the events and conversations around them.
Now that person with the toilet paper on their shoe is on the Narcissist's radar, and the person's reaction would have been gauged. Did she act embarrassed? Did she shrug it off? Did she turn red, even though he shrugged it off? Did she go back into the bathroom, or fidget with her hair, act nervous? Did she seem oblivious, and perhaps drunk?
That information may be filed and used to assess the person's personality (not necessarily ACCURATELY, but the Narc. will think so). So if the Narc. assesses the person to be dominatable, then that's one more person they feel superior to, or that they might even mark for future games, depending on the individuals and the personal agenda.
If it was a "big business" meeting where there were a lot of "narcs" and "sharks" present, then the picture is clearer to see why the whole scenario would carry importance.
But it's important in every day life. Many Narcs and predators are FULLY AWARE of the dignity of others, and it's obvious because they are SO worried about protecting their OWN, but they purposely TARGET the dignity of others in order to hurt them in a broad way.
They might do seemingly small, subtle things such as mentioning your hair dye in a crowded room, or they might comment on your teeth in front of someone else, or they might make fun of your job in front of others. They might NOT tell you that your shirt is on backwards just so they can watch other people notice it.
Or they might do things like put you down and insult you in front of others, they might do it in front of personal social groups or at your job. They might purposely condescend to you in front of others so it looks like you don't know what you're doing, or what you're talking about. They might "shush" you, or criticize you in front of others.
They might purposely withhold introductions, polite interactions, and normal civil behavior toward you.
They might purposely disagree with you in front of others, and then try to attack you ad hominem.
"In Front Of Others" is important because they're not just disagreeing with you, they are trying to AFFECT AN OUTCOME and trying to get OTHER PEOPLE to turn against you, or at least see you in a LESS POSITIVE LIGHT.
If they disagreed with you, and they were protecting your dignity, they would disagree politely and share their own point of view, but they would do it in private, OR they would simply NOT use insults, condescension, or accusatory language.
One could have a discussion with Charles Manson, the Dalai Lama, Hillary Clinton, Vladimir Putin, Queen Elizabeth, and Michelle Obama about pretty much any subject WITHOUT any animosity or snottiness, for hours, IF everyone there was practicing CIVILITY, and being aware of one another's dignity.
For real.
