Why Narcissists Betray

Cheating, infidelity and betrayal in platonic and family relationships are common for Narcissists not just because they're bent on hurting a person, but more because they are addicted to getting attention and approval from others.

They have little or no qualms about doing things behind a person's back, spreading gossip and rumors about a person who is supposed to be a member of their family, a close friend, or a romantic partner or spouse if they think it will get them attention and approval from others.

For example if a Narcissistic husband notices that a certain woman seems to be attracted to him, it's the fact that she is showing attraction to him that plugs into his addiction, not HIS attraction TO HER. Whether he found her attractive before or not is not really the catalyst, it's the fact that SHE seems to be a potential SUPPLY, now that she is looking at HIM.

She is giving him positive attention, and even if it's only a little, it's like crack to a Narcissist.

Now, if he finds her attractive enough, he will find excitement in the attention she gives him. He'll look forward to getting that attention, that positive approval, any sympathy, and any PRAISE especially. He'll sneak around, have secret meetings, secret messages in text and online, have a secret "relationship" with her~ trying to get more and more of that Supply of attention and ego stroking.

If he can get her to gossip with him right away about his wife, exwife, or even his kids, then he knows he's home free; this new woman is going to follow along with his line about how awful he's been treated, how awful his life has been, and how he just wants to be freeee.... to be with such an awesome creature like her...

So now, she's a partner in scapegoating his wife, which is a huge Supply for a Narcissist, AND she's giving him positive attention and stroking his ego, which is an even bigger Supply.

SHE thinks it's because he's attracted to HER the whole time, that he LIKES HER, that it's a REAL RELATIONSHIP between the two of them. But what he's actually "attracted to" is the praise and positive attention she gives him.

The day she disagrees with him, does something unexpected, does or says something that "tweaks" his very inflated ego, or doesn't comply with his expectations is the day he will start seeing her as "flawed" and "replaceable".

(If she's got Narcissism issues of her own, she'll then start to manipulate, stalk, possibly do things to his wife, exwife, or family, after he begins the "discarding" process.)