It is prudent to look around at the culture one lives in objectively if one wants to figure out what's going on with their life and relationships.
If the culture is racist, then the people in the culture are likely going to treat one person better or worse than another based purely on their race. Negative treatment may be due to fear, or it may be due to bigotry, or it may be the way a person was brought up (conditioned). But the fact remains that if the region is racist, then some people will get treated better and some will get treated worse.
If the culture is sexist, then the people in the culture are likely going to treat one person with respect, or EXTRA respect, and another will get treated without respect, or with less.
One person will be praised, helped, and given resources, and another will be ignored, "shut down", insulted, belittled, dismissed, made 'smaller' and 'weaker', and kept from resources.
If the culture has one bigotry, then it usually has the others as well.
Bigotry and bias are not about specific physical characteristics, they're about insecurity and domination issues.
Bigots will FIND an excuse to target individuals; for example if there's no women around, then MEN will be targeted, using body size, finances, etc. as an excuse,
If it's only women in the group, then certain women will be singled out and targeted for disrespect.
Bigotry in a culture means that there IS BIGOTRY in SOME OF THE PEOPLE in the culture, and it's being practiced, so there WILL BE certain people who are treated with EXTRA "respect", and certain people who are treated with LESS "respect", by many of the people in the region.
People in a given culture will either REJECT bigotry, or they'll allow it, and many often end up going along with it after a while.
Find out if there is bigotry, and what the bigotry is in the culture by observing others objectively.
WHO do people talk about with contempt?
Black men? White men? Blond women? Asians?
WHO do people GREET with a SMILE and a handshake, and who do they seem to barely acknowledge?
WHO do people LISTEN TO when they TALK, or tell stories, or give opinions or information?
And WHO do they tend to interrupt, ignore, argue with, "correct", or "shut down"?
WHO gets to be "in charge" of random things, and WHO gets treated like they need ASSISTANCE and advice with everything?
WHO is "allowed" to be FUNNY, EXPRESSIVE, and TALENTED, STRONG, CONFIDENT, SMART, SKILLED,
and WHO is ignored, criticized, made fun of, and gets left out often?
Bigotry in a culture reveals itself when it's observed, very plainly.
So if a person finds that they keep getting treated with disrespect by the people around them in different groups, or if they find that they keep having romantic relationship troubles, if they keep getting passed over for promotions, or ignored and disrespected no matter how hard they work or how talented they are, or how they dress, it can be a valuable practice to LOOK AROUND more closely at the underlying prejudices and biases in the area.
It might CLARIFY what's really going on.
Don't rule out biases that aren't obvious; for example, not having the same "look" as others (hair, makeup, clothes, shoes), being short, being of a different ancestry but the same "race", having a different hair color, etc.
(A woman I know was rejected from a local church because she and her husband were not from the "right" European countries. ~Another person I knew was told to "go back where she came from" when she started work in the neighboring town, by people who were of the same ancestry.)
Realizing that it's NOT PERSONAL, that we're being treated poorly because of OTHER PEOPLE'S PREJUDICE AND BIAS ISSUES can be very freeing. We can take the "personal" element out of it, and be assured that it's not "us", it's "them".
We can make better decisions and plans when we have more information.
For example: Jackie Robinson, the baseball player, KNEW the difference between being rejected by others because of his PERSONALITY, like they just didn't like HIM, as a person, and being rejected by certain others because they had prejudice issues toward people of his ancestry.
He was rejected over and over and treated like crap, but he knew it was because of bigotry, OTHER people's issues. NOT because he was some kind of bad person who was unlikeable, or unworthy, or untalented, etc.
There is a HUGE difference between being rejected and disrespected because of bigotry, and being rejected and disrespected because of one's personality or capability.
Each affects one's self-esteem, confidence, and spirit in profoundly different ways.
Jackie Robinson found the strength and confidence to STAY, and keep going, and so did many others, and that may have been due to the fact that they grasped the nature and dynamics of bias and bigotry.
When you know you're getting treated like crap for bigotry and bias reasons, it takes much of the burden of doubt, shame, and fear away that we often have when we think it's because of who we are as an individual person. When it's bias and bigotry, it's NOT about "us", it's about "them".
The female auto-mechanic who got fired from three different shops never made one serious mistake, but she was told that her personality was abrasive, and that she slowed the shop down because she couldn't work fast enough. At first she believed them, and her self-esteem took a nosedive. She thought "I'm a bad person, I'm annoying, I can't make friends, no one likes me", and she thought "I can't work any faster, I'm a failure, I'll never be able to keep up." But then she overheard her ex-boss talking about her with another mechanic... and she found out they had been setting her up, and that the thing about her personality was just to add "weight" to the excuses to fire her. Then she heard him say "Chicks just don't belong in a &&^%$ Garage, they belong filing and making coffee". They had FIRED her, compromised her LIVELIHOOD and her life because of THEIR bigotry issues. She didn't press charges, she didn't do anything to retaliate, she just got another job. After she got the job, she told the new boss that she knew all about the bigotry crap in the other shops, and she told her lawyer as well. It never happened again. Before she knew it was bigotry, she really believed that it was HER, and that she might really be a bad person and a failure; she was about to give up. After she found out what was really going on, her confidence came back and she took control of the situation.
In another situation, a person might decide to move away and find a better place to live and prosper.
Even people who aren't "bigots" are usually affected by whatever the general cultural biases are in their area. AND, even people who are members of an "oppressed" group can be riddled with biases and prejudices as well, even the same ones as the rest of the region.
So it can be a kind of accepted cultural habit that few seem to be consciously aware of.
(BUT, if you talk about it, they all get really defensive...)
OF COURSE, we are each and all responsible for our OWN behavior and actions, and sometimes it IS "US". There might be bigotry in the region, AND we might be acting like a jerk, or acting irresponsibly. Some people like to blame everything on other people, and deny responsibility for their own behavior.
When we practice genuine objectivity, we can observe BOTH ourselves AND our culture, and find ways to improve both.
If the culture is racist, then the people in the culture are likely going to treat one person better or worse than another based purely on their race. Negative treatment may be due to fear, or it may be due to bigotry, or it may be the way a person was brought up (conditioned). But the fact remains that if the region is racist, then some people will get treated better and some will get treated worse.
If the culture is sexist, then the people in the culture are likely going to treat one person with respect, or EXTRA respect, and another will get treated without respect, or with less.
One person will be praised, helped, and given resources, and another will be ignored, "shut down", insulted, belittled, dismissed, made 'smaller' and 'weaker', and kept from resources.
If the culture has one bigotry, then it usually has the others as well.
Bigotry and bias are not about specific physical characteristics, they're about insecurity and domination issues.
Bigots will FIND an excuse to target individuals; for example if there's no women around, then MEN will be targeted, using body size, finances, etc. as an excuse,
If it's only women in the group, then certain women will be singled out and targeted for disrespect.
Bigotry in a culture means that there IS BIGOTRY in SOME OF THE PEOPLE in the culture, and it's being practiced, so there WILL BE certain people who are treated with EXTRA "respect", and certain people who are treated with LESS "respect", by many of the people in the region.
People in a given culture will either REJECT bigotry, or they'll allow it, and many often end up going along with it after a while.
Find out if there is bigotry, and what the bigotry is in the culture by observing others objectively.
WHO do people talk about with contempt?
Black men? White men? Blond women? Asians?
WHO do people GREET with a SMILE and a handshake, and who do they seem to barely acknowledge?
WHO do people LISTEN TO when they TALK, or tell stories, or give opinions or information?
And WHO do they tend to interrupt, ignore, argue with, "correct", or "shut down"?
WHO gets to be "in charge" of random things, and WHO gets treated like they need ASSISTANCE and advice with everything?
WHO is "allowed" to be FUNNY, EXPRESSIVE, and TALENTED, STRONG, CONFIDENT, SMART, SKILLED,
and WHO is ignored, criticized, made fun of, and gets left out often?
Bigotry in a culture reveals itself when it's observed, very plainly.
So if a person finds that they keep getting treated with disrespect by the people around them in different groups, or if they find that they keep having romantic relationship troubles, if they keep getting passed over for promotions, or ignored and disrespected no matter how hard they work or how talented they are, or how they dress, it can be a valuable practice to LOOK AROUND more closely at the underlying prejudices and biases in the area.
It might CLARIFY what's really going on.
Don't rule out biases that aren't obvious; for example, not having the same "look" as others (hair, makeup, clothes, shoes), being short, being of a different ancestry but the same "race", having a different hair color, etc.
(A woman I know was rejected from a local church because she and her husband were not from the "right" European countries. ~Another person I knew was told to "go back where she came from" when she started work in the neighboring town, by people who were of the same ancestry.)
Realizing that it's NOT PERSONAL, that we're being treated poorly because of OTHER PEOPLE'S PREJUDICE AND BIAS ISSUES can be very freeing. We can take the "personal" element out of it, and be assured that it's not "us", it's "them".
We can make better decisions and plans when we have more information.
For example: Jackie Robinson, the baseball player, KNEW the difference between being rejected by others because of his PERSONALITY, like they just didn't like HIM, as a person, and being rejected by certain others because they had prejudice issues toward people of his ancestry.
He was rejected over and over and treated like crap, but he knew it was because of bigotry, OTHER people's issues. NOT because he was some kind of bad person who was unlikeable, or unworthy, or untalented, etc.
There is a HUGE difference between being rejected and disrespected because of bigotry, and being rejected and disrespected because of one's personality or capability.
Each affects one's self-esteem, confidence, and spirit in profoundly different ways.
Jackie Robinson found the strength and confidence to STAY, and keep going, and so did many others, and that may have been due to the fact that they grasped the nature and dynamics of bias and bigotry.
When you know you're getting treated like crap for bigotry and bias reasons, it takes much of the burden of doubt, shame, and fear away that we often have when we think it's because of who we are as an individual person. When it's bias and bigotry, it's NOT about "us", it's about "them".
The female auto-mechanic who got fired from three different shops never made one serious mistake, but she was told that her personality was abrasive, and that she slowed the shop down because she couldn't work fast enough. At first she believed them, and her self-esteem took a nosedive. She thought "I'm a bad person, I'm annoying, I can't make friends, no one likes me", and she thought "I can't work any faster, I'm a failure, I'll never be able to keep up." But then she overheard her ex-boss talking about her with another mechanic... and she found out they had been setting her up, and that the thing about her personality was just to add "weight" to the excuses to fire her. Then she heard him say "Chicks just don't belong in a &&^%$ Garage, they belong filing and making coffee". They had FIRED her, compromised her LIVELIHOOD and her life because of THEIR bigotry issues. She didn't press charges, she didn't do anything to retaliate, she just got another job. After she got the job, she told the new boss that she knew all about the bigotry crap in the other shops, and she told her lawyer as well. It never happened again. Before she knew it was bigotry, she really believed that it was HER, and that she might really be a bad person and a failure; she was about to give up. After she found out what was really going on, her confidence came back and she took control of the situation.
In another situation, a person might decide to move away and find a better place to live and prosper.
Even people who aren't "bigots" are usually affected by whatever the general cultural biases are in their area. AND, even people who are members of an "oppressed" group can be riddled with biases and prejudices as well, even the same ones as the rest of the region.
So it can be a kind of accepted cultural habit that few seem to be consciously aware of.
(BUT, if you talk about it, they all get really defensive...)
OF COURSE, we are each and all responsible for our OWN behavior and actions, and sometimes it IS "US". There might be bigotry in the region, AND we might be acting like a jerk, or acting irresponsibly. Some people like to blame everything on other people, and deny responsibility for their own behavior.
When we practice genuine objectivity, we can observe BOTH ourselves AND our culture, and find ways to improve both.
