What do Narcissists want for others?
It depends very much on the severity of the individual's Narcissism.
For example your cousin John who believes himself to be superior to you in physical ability and/or intellect might want you to be happy in your life, in the way that "lower creatures" such as yourself are able to manage... he's Narcissistic, obviously, but he doesn't wish you actual harm or hardship.
His Narcissism displays might mostly consist of always talking about himself, trying to keep the spotlight on himself in most situations, bragging about himself, and getting annoyed or resentful when others are the ones talking or "being funny", or getting attention or recognition.
If he likes thinking of himself as a "Good Person", or if he thought he was going to get recognition or reward for it, he might even help you in a time of need. (Although probably not without some kind of insult toward you; that's usually the minimum price of asking for help from family and "friends" with Narcissism).
However, your cousin Sharon might have a higher level of Narcissism than your cousin John. She doesn't randomly wish HARM on you, but she judges you for everything you do that she doesn't like or agree with, she actively seeks excuses to judge you as "flawed" (so she can feel "superior"; even the color of your new car is "wrong" and hers is "better"...). She may like to spread her "observations" and opinions about you around town, and has zero remorse for the damage she does to your reputation. BUT, if a tree were to fall on your house, she would honestly be worried about you, call 911, and give you some kind of assistance. (Of course she'll probably tell everyone she can about how much she helped you, but at least she helped you.)
Then there's your coworker Jake, who has a higher level of Narcissism than Sharon. Jake tells everyone at the office that the reason you were out of work was because you were DRUNK, and you fell out of the tree and smashed through the roof of your house. He even adds more to the story, that you were also cheating on your partner when it happened with so-and-so. You've never done anything AT ALL unfair or hurtful to Jake, but here he is, spreading complete fiction about you at your place of work that paint you in a very nasty light. Of course, Jake KNOWS that there are OTHER people with Narcissism at your business who will JUMP RIGHT ON THAT RUMOR WAGON, who LOVE to participate in the TRASHING of other people's reputations.
JAKE is "plugged into" the often invisible network of narcissistic people at your work and in the community; he knows what he can get away with, he knows how FAR he can go with causing harm to others, and he knows WHO will go along with his behavior.
He also knows who NOT TO TARGET, and WHY, and WHO he can GET AWAY WITH TARGETING, because of the personal ENVY ISSUES of other people, and the illusion of "social hierarchy" in the business and and the community.
~Jake's goals are not about destroying other people, really; to him, that's just "collateral damage". Jake's goals are about GETTING ATTENTION and SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE FOR HIMSELF, and he doesn't care that it's at other people's expense. Jake would not actually DO something like make a tree fall on your house (therefore he thinks he's "innocent"). He takes the OPPORTUNITY that he sees from the fallen tree incident, and uses it for his own "gain".
Going further down the dark path of Narcissism, we start seeing more and more self-serving behavior, more and more harm (and kinds of harm) done to others, more and more blame, negative judgment, and projection on others, more emotional REACTIVITY, more SELF-preservation, more DENIAL, and less and less FORETHOUGHT about one's behavior or consequences for that behavior, less and less responsibility-taking for one's actions, less and less humility, self-awareness, guilt, or remorse.
So while Jake the coworker does seem to have the disorder of Narcissism, his sister and brother are even more Narcissistic than he is, and they display psychotic behavior, such as physically abusing their children. When they were younger, Jake's brother molested him; his sister allowed it, chose not to tell anyone, and actually blamed Jake for it, just because it made her feel powerful. Both Jake's brother and sister allowed their friends to bully and assault Jake. They all grew up watching their father attack their mother verbally and sometimes physically, and he often verbally abused the three of them. The ONLY TIME their father gave any of them "credit" or "approval" was when they did something FOR HIM, or when the boys did something their father said was "MANLY" (like beating on another child, or racing motorcycles, or shooting guns.) Jake's sister ONLY received his "approval" when she SERVED HIM, as if she was his hand-servant, and not his child. Jake's mother sometimes competed with Jake's sister for his "approval" as well, as if they were "rivals" instead of mother and child, and she also often went along with his brainwashing of his sons to FEEL WORTHY ONLY WHEN HE GAVE HIS "APPROVAL", mostly because she was conditioned herself to believe that "gender roles" are real, and to fear her husband's "wrath"~ especially when she saw that no one around was standing up for her or with her against his abuse.
(Many parents who end up as co-parents with an abuser fear that the abuser will hurt the CHILDREN in order to retaliate against them, and become frozen, afraid to do anything that might "provoke" the other parent.)
~Although there were plenty of other adults around, at school, in the community, in their family, no one stood up for Jake or his siblings, no one tried to intervene, no one tried to help their mother, no one helped those kids, except for one relative who was immediately SLANDERED, so no one in the community would listen to or believe her.
Jake and his siblings all learned their Narcissism from their FRONT ROW SEAT of watching their father AND the other people all around them who obviously turned a "blind eye" to what was going on.
Now, Jake and his siblings only feel "normal", "okay", or "good" when they're getting extra attention, or when they're displaying "DOMINATION" toward another person.
However: The difference between Jake and his siblings is INTENTION.
While Jake DOES CAUSE other people damage, he's actually oblivious to it; his only thought is about getting attention and approval for HIMSELF.
Jake's siblings, however, actively and purposely DO THINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE whom they envy or resent; Jake's siblings would CAUSE a tree to fall on someone's house, with the goal of causing them physical damage. And then they would spread rumors about the person on top of it.
So JAKE does cause damage to others, but he doesn't think about it or plan it, or even wish it. However his siblings DO THINK ABOUT IT, WISH IT, AND PLAN IT.
Jake's siblings are actually more dangerous Narcissists.
A person's level of "Narcissism" is mostly dictated by their desire for personal gain, the severity of their addiction to their "SUPPLY", and their individual lack of empathy ability.
"Empathy" is an actual Brain function needed in comprehension and processing about what's going on in the world, so when it's compromised, it's a disability.>>> (Saying that a lack of empathy is a "disability" is NOT the same as saying "we should let them get away with what they do". That's two separate things.)
"Supply" can be anything at all that makes a person with Narcissism "feel good", that gives them a "rush", that makes them feel "worthy", or "powerful", liked, or accepted.
ALL Narcissists are ADDICTS. They use all kinds of things for "SUPPLY" to get their "fix" from.
It can be anything at all; a Narcissist can be "Clean And Sober" in the traditional sense, but be terribly addicted to their own Neurochemicals and "feel-good" Hormones.
Such as: the adrenaline rush that most people get from receiving recognition and/or praise. Narcissists can be ADDICTED to that specific rush, and will seek to be "recognized" for something "great" about themselves whenever they get the chance.
For instance, a coworker who has exactly the same job as you might walk around making announcements about what they accomplished all day, trying to get others to give them "recognition" and praise for it, even though all of these "accomplishments" are just PART OF THE JOB, same job that you do every day, all day, that you don't ever make a big deal about.
Another person might GROOM and DRESS and COIF themselves "to the nines" whenever they get the chance, for the goal of seeking to gain RECOGNITION for how HANDSOME or BEAUTIFUL or "SEXY" they are, from whomever they can get it from.
They will often PUT DOWN others who they're afraid might be seen as "attractive".
Many who are addicted to attention, approval, and/or sexual attention from the opposite sex do this
(or the same sex, if they're homosexual).
Another might walk around trying to DISPLAY their PHYSICAL STRENGTH all the time, trying to get other people to NOTICE and give them RECOGNITION for their "superior physique" or "superior strength".
They will often imply that others are physically weak, frail, or out of shape.
(This one is also often used by those who are addicted to sexual approval and attention).
They may constantly try to display their "SUPERIOR SKILL" in something in order to gain RECOGNITION for it (ANYTHING, from playing Flamenco guitar to landscaping, to dealing Craps, to skateboarding, to frosting cakes), and will imply that others "don't know what they're doing".
Whatever will get them what they want is what a Narcissist will USE.
~So, if they find that they can't get enough recognition for being a Superior Violinist, they might try something else, like Body-Building or breast implants.
Or, they might try TRASHING other Violinists, with the goal of being the only one left with a good reputation.
A surefire way to get SOME KIND of "recognition" is to self-deprecate. Putting one's self down, making fun of one's self, calling one's self a "LOSER" is an easy way to get a mixture of PITY, TRUST, and "Camaraderie" from others.
Another pretty sure way to get SOME KIND of "recognition" is to claim physical illness and chronic pain. Hypochondria and frequently announcing illnesses and injuries is a very common way that humans get attention they crave, whether they're really a "Narcissist" or not. Narcissists who use this as a way to get attention may take it to an extreme level, gaining control over others in the process.
(Narcissists will ALSO accuse others of BEING Narcissists as a way to trash or slander them; for example they may accuse a talented Violinist of being arrogant or a "diva", or accuse a person who is shy or has low-self-esteem of "just trying to make people feel sorry for them", or accuse a person who is actually sick or injured of "just trying to get attention".)
Most (not all) Narcissists are either consciously or intuitively aware that when humans in a group BUY INTO (believe) the IMAGE that the Narcissist is trying to paint of themselves, they will treat them accordingly.
SO, when the people in a community BELIEVE the portrayal that the Narcissist is an "Expert Carpenter", for example, they will TREAT the Narcissist like he DESERVES MORE MONEY and MORE CREDIT. Because of the successfully projected IMAGE, the Narcissist can now charge customers very HIGH PRICES, REGARDLESS of his ACTUAL CARPENTRY SKILL.
They have BOUGHT THE "ADVERTISING", so now they BELIEVE IT, and they will GO ALONG with all the rest of his UTTER BULLSH**. (This is how CULTS are created, large and small ones.)
Most Narcissists are aware that it's not very difficult to FOOL PEOPLE into believing whatever they want about themselves, and about other people as well.
***The more inflated a person's ego is about their own "logic" ability, the easier the mark. Superiority complexes always cause blindness to one's own flaws.
So, while the Narcissist is painting HIMSELF as an "Expert Carpenter" and a "Wonderful, Trustworthy Guy", he paints OTHER people as "Hacks", as "Wanna-Be's", as "Con-Artists", as "Morally Corrupt".
So, a Narcissist's addiction to RECOGNITION can be accompanied by an addiction to the REWARDS FOR THAT RECOGNITION, such as money, privilege, popularity, and "power".
The MORE SEVERE a Narcissist's addiction to their preferred "Supply" is, the harder they will try to get it.
And the LESS EMPATHY the individual Narcissist has, organically or learned, the less they will care about "collateral damage" in obtaining that "Supply".
For a basic and simple example of how this works, picture a punk who robs an elderly couple in the street, knocking them down and taking their money. The
It depends very much on the severity of the individual's Narcissism.
For example your cousin John who believes himself to be superior to you in physical ability and/or intellect might want you to be happy in your life, in the way that "lower creatures" such as yourself are able to manage... he's Narcissistic, obviously, but he doesn't wish you actual harm or hardship.
His Narcissism displays might mostly consist of always talking about himself, trying to keep the spotlight on himself in most situations, bragging about himself, and getting annoyed or resentful when others are the ones talking or "being funny", or getting attention or recognition.
If he likes thinking of himself as a "Good Person", or if he thought he was going to get recognition or reward for it, he might even help you in a time of need. (Although probably not without some kind of insult toward you; that's usually the minimum price of asking for help from family and "friends" with Narcissism).
However, your cousin Sharon might have a higher level of Narcissism than your cousin John. She doesn't randomly wish HARM on you, but she judges you for everything you do that she doesn't like or agree with, she actively seeks excuses to judge you as "flawed" (so she can feel "superior"; even the color of your new car is "wrong" and hers is "better"...). She may like to spread her "observations" and opinions about you around town, and has zero remorse for the damage she does to your reputation. BUT, if a tree were to fall on your house, she would honestly be worried about you, call 911, and give you some kind of assistance. (Of course she'll probably tell everyone she can about how much she helped you, but at least she helped you.)
Then there's your coworker Jake, who has a higher level of Narcissism than Sharon. Jake tells everyone at the office that the reason you were out of work was because you were DRUNK, and you fell out of the tree and smashed through the roof of your house. He even adds more to the story, that you were also cheating on your partner when it happened with so-and-so. You've never done anything AT ALL unfair or hurtful to Jake, but here he is, spreading complete fiction about you at your place of work that paint you in a very nasty light. Of course, Jake KNOWS that there are OTHER people with Narcissism at your business who will JUMP RIGHT ON THAT RUMOR WAGON, who LOVE to participate in the TRASHING of other people's reputations.
JAKE is "plugged into" the often invisible network of narcissistic people at your work and in the community; he knows what he can get away with, he knows how FAR he can go with causing harm to others, and he knows WHO will go along with his behavior.
He also knows who NOT TO TARGET, and WHY, and WHO he can GET AWAY WITH TARGETING, because of the personal ENVY ISSUES of other people, and the illusion of "social hierarchy" in the business and and the community.
~Jake's goals are not about destroying other people, really; to him, that's just "collateral damage". Jake's goals are about GETTING ATTENTION and SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE FOR HIMSELF, and he doesn't care that it's at other people's expense. Jake would not actually DO something like make a tree fall on your house (therefore he thinks he's "innocent"). He takes the OPPORTUNITY that he sees from the fallen tree incident, and uses it for his own "gain".
Going further down the dark path of Narcissism, we start seeing more and more self-serving behavior, more and more harm (and kinds of harm) done to others, more and more blame, negative judgment, and projection on others, more emotional REACTIVITY, more SELF-preservation, more DENIAL, and less and less FORETHOUGHT about one's behavior or consequences for that behavior, less and less responsibility-taking for one's actions, less and less humility, self-awareness, guilt, or remorse.
So while Jake the coworker does seem to have the disorder of Narcissism, his sister and brother are even more Narcissistic than he is, and they display psychotic behavior, such as physically abusing their children. When they were younger, Jake's brother molested him; his sister allowed it, chose not to tell anyone, and actually blamed Jake for it, just because it made her feel powerful. Both Jake's brother and sister allowed their friends to bully and assault Jake. They all grew up watching their father attack their mother verbally and sometimes physically, and he often verbally abused the three of them. The ONLY TIME their father gave any of them "credit" or "approval" was when they did something FOR HIM, or when the boys did something their father said was "MANLY" (like beating on another child, or racing motorcycles, or shooting guns.) Jake's sister ONLY received his "approval" when she SERVED HIM, as if she was his hand-servant, and not his child. Jake's mother sometimes competed with Jake's sister for his "approval" as well, as if they were "rivals" instead of mother and child, and she also often went along with his brainwashing of his sons to FEEL WORTHY ONLY WHEN HE GAVE HIS "APPROVAL", mostly because she was conditioned herself to believe that "gender roles" are real, and to fear her husband's "wrath"~ especially when she saw that no one around was standing up for her or with her against his abuse.
(Many parents who end up as co-parents with an abuser fear that the abuser will hurt the CHILDREN in order to retaliate against them, and become frozen, afraid to do anything that might "provoke" the other parent.)
~Although there were plenty of other adults around, at school, in the community, in their family, no one stood up for Jake or his siblings, no one tried to intervene, no one tried to help their mother, no one helped those kids, except for one relative who was immediately SLANDERED, so no one in the community would listen to or believe her.
Jake and his siblings all learned their Narcissism from their FRONT ROW SEAT of watching their father AND the other people all around them who obviously turned a "blind eye" to what was going on.
Now, Jake and his siblings only feel "normal", "okay", or "good" when they're getting extra attention, or when they're displaying "DOMINATION" toward another person.
However: The difference between Jake and his siblings is INTENTION.
While Jake DOES CAUSE other people damage, he's actually oblivious to it; his only thought is about getting attention and approval for HIMSELF.
Jake's siblings, however, actively and purposely DO THINGS TO OTHER PEOPLE whom they envy or resent; Jake's siblings would CAUSE a tree to fall on someone's house, with the goal of causing them physical damage. And then they would spread rumors about the person on top of it.
So JAKE does cause damage to others, but he doesn't think about it or plan it, or even wish it. However his siblings DO THINK ABOUT IT, WISH IT, AND PLAN IT.
Jake's siblings are actually more dangerous Narcissists.
A person's level of "Narcissism" is mostly dictated by their desire for personal gain, the severity of their addiction to their "SUPPLY", and their individual lack of empathy ability.
"Empathy" is an actual Brain function needed in comprehension and processing about what's going on in the world, so when it's compromised, it's a disability.>>> (Saying that a lack of empathy is a "disability" is NOT the same as saying "we should let them get away with what they do". That's two separate things.)
"Supply" can be anything at all that makes a person with Narcissism "feel good", that gives them a "rush", that makes them feel "worthy", or "powerful", liked, or accepted.
ALL Narcissists are ADDICTS. They use all kinds of things for "SUPPLY" to get their "fix" from.
It can be anything at all; a Narcissist can be "Clean And Sober" in the traditional sense, but be terribly addicted to their own Neurochemicals and "feel-good" Hormones.
Such as: the adrenaline rush that most people get from receiving recognition and/or praise. Narcissists can be ADDICTED to that specific rush, and will seek to be "recognized" for something "great" about themselves whenever they get the chance.
For instance, a coworker who has exactly the same job as you might walk around making announcements about what they accomplished all day, trying to get others to give them "recognition" and praise for it, even though all of these "accomplishments" are just PART OF THE JOB, same job that you do every day, all day, that you don't ever make a big deal about.
Another person might GROOM and DRESS and COIF themselves "to the nines" whenever they get the chance, for the goal of seeking to gain RECOGNITION for how HANDSOME or BEAUTIFUL or "SEXY" they are, from whomever they can get it from.
They will often PUT DOWN others who they're afraid might be seen as "attractive".
Many who are addicted to attention, approval, and/or sexual attention from the opposite sex do this
(or the same sex, if they're homosexual).
Another might walk around trying to DISPLAY their PHYSICAL STRENGTH all the time, trying to get other people to NOTICE and give them RECOGNITION for their "superior physique" or "superior strength".
They will often imply that others are physically weak, frail, or out of shape.
(This one is also often used by those who are addicted to sexual approval and attention).
They may constantly try to display their "SUPERIOR SKILL" in something in order to gain RECOGNITION for it (ANYTHING, from playing Flamenco guitar to landscaping, to dealing Craps, to skateboarding, to frosting cakes), and will imply that others "don't know what they're doing".
Whatever will get them what they want is what a Narcissist will USE.
~So, if they find that they can't get enough recognition for being a Superior Violinist, they might try something else, like Body-Building or breast implants.
Or, they might try TRASHING other Violinists, with the goal of being the only one left with a good reputation.
A surefire way to get SOME KIND of "recognition" is to self-deprecate. Putting one's self down, making fun of one's self, calling one's self a "LOSER" is an easy way to get a mixture of PITY, TRUST, and "Camaraderie" from others.
Another pretty sure way to get SOME KIND of "recognition" is to claim physical illness and chronic pain. Hypochondria and frequently announcing illnesses and injuries is a very common way that humans get attention they crave, whether they're really a "Narcissist" or not. Narcissists who use this as a way to get attention may take it to an extreme level, gaining control over others in the process.
(Narcissists will ALSO accuse others of BEING Narcissists as a way to trash or slander them; for example they may accuse a talented Violinist of being arrogant or a "diva", or accuse a person who is shy or has low-self-esteem of "just trying to make people feel sorry for them", or accuse a person who is actually sick or injured of "just trying to get attention".)
Most (not all) Narcissists are either consciously or intuitively aware that when humans in a group BUY INTO (believe) the IMAGE that the Narcissist is trying to paint of themselves, they will treat them accordingly.
SO, when the people in a community BELIEVE the portrayal that the Narcissist is an "Expert Carpenter", for example, they will TREAT the Narcissist like he DESERVES MORE MONEY and MORE CREDIT. Because of the successfully projected IMAGE, the Narcissist can now charge customers very HIGH PRICES, REGARDLESS of his ACTUAL CARPENTRY SKILL.
They have BOUGHT THE "ADVERTISING", so now they BELIEVE IT, and they will GO ALONG with all the rest of his UTTER BULLSH**. (This is how CULTS are created, large and small ones.)
Most Narcissists are aware that it's not very difficult to FOOL PEOPLE into believing whatever they want about themselves, and about other people as well.
***The more inflated a person's ego is about their own "logic" ability, the easier the mark. Superiority complexes always cause blindness to one's own flaws.
So, while the Narcissist is painting HIMSELF as an "Expert Carpenter" and a "Wonderful, Trustworthy Guy", he paints OTHER people as "Hacks", as "Wanna-Be's", as "Con-Artists", as "Morally Corrupt".
So, a Narcissist's addiction to RECOGNITION can be accompanied by an addiction to the REWARDS FOR THAT RECOGNITION, such as money, privilege, popularity, and "power".
The MORE SEVERE a Narcissist's addiction to their preferred "Supply" is, the harder they will try to get it.
And the LESS EMPATHY the individual Narcissist has, organically or learned, the less they will care about "collateral damage" in obtaining that "Supply".
For a basic and simple example of how this works, picture a punk who robs an elderly couple in the street, knocking them down and taking their money. The
