Unfortunately
people with Narcissism, or just a lack of maturity, are all around us.
If we ever want to leave the house, or our bedroom in some cases, we are
going to have to deal with interacting with them. Being in a detached
state of mind can be very helpful, so you're objective and removed from
their social signals and games.
Don't look them in the eye very much, and only if you need to for conversation purposes, or to acknowledge them for a reason.
Don't take their tone of voice too seriously, or let it affect you.
Don't take the bait when they are fishing for an emotional response from you.
Expect that they will be condescending, insulting, or sarcastic, and ignore it when they do it.
Don't react, don't take their words personally, whether or not they are obviously trying to provoke you.
Don't engage their attempts at social manipulations, such as: domination displays (staring you down, puffing themselves up, walking into your personal space, gesturing in your face).
Don't react when they talk over you, interrupt you, or raise their voice, just repeat what you were saying originally, and only if you really need to get your message across to them because it's about something important.
Basically, remembering that those who have Narcissism or developmental delays really are not mature enough to "know better". They might be doing a lot of their behaviors on purpose, in order to try to make you smaller, or themselves bigger, but a mature adult wouldn't do that because they would know and understand WHY.
Without the understanding of WHY we treat others with respect, courtesy, care, and manners, the less mature person tends to believe that all those "manners" are either faked, or pointless, or because of weakness or shyness.
A Real Life experience to demonstrate:
A couple of years ago, I was bringing someone to a local hospital for chemo treatments. We were both frankly shocked by the loud, boisterous atmosphere in the chemo area. It might have been a good thing, making it less gloomy, IF the volume level was raised because of good moods from a polite, outgoing staff, but that was not the case. The staff was not just loud, but also rude, both toward one another and toward patients, and companions of patients. It was a "bully" atmosphere, where the louder a person was, the more important they obviously thought they were, and the less respect and courtesy they showed toward others.
After about a half hour of my trying to get someone's attention, and get them to stop talking loudly, OVER me, OVER one another, and acknowledge my presence, I finally raised my voice and got their attention. The person I had brought had been very sick over the weekend, and needed to be examined before being given Chemo, but they didn't want to hear ANYTHING from anyone but themselves, so they nearly started him on a heavy duty Chemo drip before giving him a more thorough exam. If I hadn't been there, he could have died that day, he was completely dehydrated; after a doctor finally examined him, they rushed fluid and a blood transfusion to him, and admitted him to an inpatient room.
The next day I visited; he was groggy and unsure of what was supposed to happen. I went to the nurse's station and asked them what what planned for him, and what his status was, and explained that he was unsure and groggy. The response I received practically blew the skin off of my face, "HE KNOWS WHAT THE SCHEDULE IS AND WHAT'S GOING ON!!!" the nurse SNARLED into my face. Since the person was a close relative of mine, I was already very upset and that was the last straw for me, I shouted back at the Nurse, and demanded to see the Supervising Nurse on the floor. Eventually she visited the room and asked what was wrong (she seemed calm and polite), so I explained what was going on; she apologized, and said she would speak to them and pay closer attention. After a short while, another Nurse came into the room and apologized for the general rudeness, but then tried to put the blame on ME, saying "You make yourself small". Frankly I was stunned, but after a few minutes I realized what I was dealing with; the entire hospital had adapted a CULTURE of bully behavior and status-displays. There were enough bullies and immature staff members to actually influence nearly the entire staff to accept this sort of behavior, and even make it the "NORM". Those staff members who did not fit in, who maintained their civility, manners, and respect for others and for patients, were treated with disrespect and disdain.
More than once, I witnessed arguments between staff about who did what, who forgot what, what kind of medicine a patient was supposed to get, what the schedule was, and who was "supposed to" be doing something. This behavior was both in the Chemo area, and in the inpatient areas of the hospital.
The defensiveness of the staff both toward each other and toward the patients belied their insecurity and lack of competence and skill, and also their desire to be on the GIVING END of the Bullying instead of on the RECEIVING END.
In a Bully Culture, it's bully or get bullied.
The entire time I was there with my relative, I saw only ONE Nurse or Nurse assistant who knew how to do proper bed changing and proper patient lifting. (Of course they would assume that I didn't know how, after all I'm short...oh yeah and I make myself small...so therefore I must be shy and intimidated by them, and by their importance...)
I suspected that the nurse who was skilled in lifting and changing patients had worked somewhere else before this job, and I was right; she had previously worked in a couple of nursing homes. She was competent, and she had MANNERS and CIVILITY, because she had confidence in her skills and ability, and also in herself, apparently.
Because of her manners and courteous disposition, I was able to COMMUNICATE with her about my relative's condition, and his needs and wants, and she was able to COMMUNICATE with me, instead of trying to bark statements at me, boss me around, talking over me, "correcting" me, or avoiding me "catching her" not doing her job.
Further along, I found out from an orderly that the hospital had done several local recruitments for employees, and trained those employees on site. So the CULTURE that so many bullies in the hospital were cultivating was being projected directly onto new recruits during their job-training. Also, it's a teaching hospital, so interns were all getting the same "cultural conditioning".
I would have liked to see my relative go to a different hospital, but he didn't want to change, and was worried about his insurance. So that was beyond my control.
Don't look them in the eye very much, and only if you need to for conversation purposes, or to acknowledge them for a reason.
Don't take their tone of voice too seriously, or let it affect you.
Don't take the bait when they are fishing for an emotional response from you.
Expect that they will be condescending, insulting, or sarcastic, and ignore it when they do it.
Don't react, don't take their words personally, whether or not they are obviously trying to provoke you.
Don't engage their attempts at social manipulations, such as: domination displays (staring you down, puffing themselves up, walking into your personal space, gesturing in your face).
Don't react when they talk over you, interrupt you, or raise their voice, just repeat what you were saying originally, and only if you really need to get your message across to them because it's about something important.
Basically, remembering that those who have Narcissism or developmental delays really are not mature enough to "know better". They might be doing a lot of their behaviors on purpose, in order to try to make you smaller, or themselves bigger, but a mature adult wouldn't do that because they would know and understand WHY.
Without the understanding of WHY we treat others with respect, courtesy, care, and manners, the less mature person tends to believe that all those "manners" are either faked, or pointless, or because of weakness or shyness.
A Real Life experience to demonstrate:
A couple of years ago, I was bringing someone to a local hospital for chemo treatments. We were both frankly shocked by the loud, boisterous atmosphere in the chemo area. It might have been a good thing, making it less gloomy, IF the volume level was raised because of good moods from a polite, outgoing staff, but that was not the case. The staff was not just loud, but also rude, both toward one another and toward patients, and companions of patients. It was a "bully" atmosphere, where the louder a person was, the more important they obviously thought they were, and the less respect and courtesy they showed toward others.
After about a half hour of my trying to get someone's attention, and get them to stop talking loudly, OVER me, OVER one another, and acknowledge my presence, I finally raised my voice and got their attention. The person I had brought had been very sick over the weekend, and needed to be examined before being given Chemo, but they didn't want to hear ANYTHING from anyone but themselves, so they nearly started him on a heavy duty Chemo drip before giving him a more thorough exam. If I hadn't been there, he could have died that day, he was completely dehydrated; after a doctor finally examined him, they rushed fluid and a blood transfusion to him, and admitted him to an inpatient room.
The next day I visited; he was groggy and unsure of what was supposed to happen. I went to the nurse's station and asked them what what planned for him, and what his status was, and explained that he was unsure and groggy. The response I received practically blew the skin off of my face, "HE KNOWS WHAT THE SCHEDULE IS AND WHAT'S GOING ON!!!" the nurse SNARLED into my face. Since the person was a close relative of mine, I was already very upset and that was the last straw for me, I shouted back at the Nurse, and demanded to see the Supervising Nurse on the floor. Eventually she visited the room and asked what was wrong (she seemed calm and polite), so I explained what was going on; she apologized, and said she would speak to them and pay closer attention. After a short while, another Nurse came into the room and apologized for the general rudeness, but then tried to put the blame on ME, saying "You make yourself small". Frankly I was stunned, but after a few minutes I realized what I was dealing with; the entire hospital had adapted a CULTURE of bully behavior and status-displays. There were enough bullies and immature staff members to actually influence nearly the entire staff to accept this sort of behavior, and even make it the "NORM". Those staff members who did not fit in, who maintained their civility, manners, and respect for others and for patients, were treated with disrespect and disdain.
More than once, I witnessed arguments between staff about who did what, who forgot what, what kind of medicine a patient was supposed to get, what the schedule was, and who was "supposed to" be doing something. This behavior was both in the Chemo area, and in the inpatient areas of the hospital.
The defensiveness of the staff both toward each other and toward the patients belied their insecurity and lack of competence and skill, and also their desire to be on the GIVING END of the Bullying instead of on the RECEIVING END.
In a Bully Culture, it's bully or get bullied.
The entire time I was there with my relative, I saw only ONE Nurse or Nurse assistant who knew how to do proper bed changing and proper patient lifting. (Of course they would assume that I didn't know how, after all I'm short...oh yeah and I make myself small...so therefore I must be shy and intimidated by them, and by their importance...)
I suspected that the nurse who was skilled in lifting and changing patients had worked somewhere else before this job, and I was right; she had previously worked in a couple of nursing homes. She was competent, and she had MANNERS and CIVILITY, because she had confidence in her skills and ability, and also in herself, apparently.
Because of her manners and courteous disposition, I was able to COMMUNICATE with her about my relative's condition, and his needs and wants, and she was able to COMMUNICATE with me, instead of trying to bark statements at me, boss me around, talking over me, "correcting" me, or avoiding me "catching her" not doing her job.
Further along, I found out from an orderly that the hospital had done several local recruitments for employees, and trained those employees on site. So the CULTURE that so many bullies in the hospital were cultivating was being projected directly onto new recruits during their job-training. Also, it's a teaching hospital, so interns were all getting the same "cultural conditioning".
I would have liked to see my relative go to a different hospital, but he didn't want to change, and was worried about his insurance. So that was beyond my control.
