Narcissistic abuse can actually cause narcissistic traits and behaviors in targets due to the need to protect one's self from boundary and ego violations, as well as physical assault (also a boundary violation). These N. traits can really block recovery, because they cause habits of self-preservation and defensiveness.
~If there are three children standing together with their hands out, and they each receive five candies, there is no issue. But if one of those children is a bully, then he or she might try to take the others' candy.
The automatic reaction of those kids would be to CLOSE their hand and try to hold on to their candy, and defend themselves against the bully.
OR, if the adult handing the candy out is a "Narcissist", he or she might give one of the kids 8 candies (the kid they favor), another one 5, and another one 2, the one they least favor.
This is very likely to provoke superiority in the favored child, suspicion, envy, and superiority in the "middle" child, and resentment, humiliation, self-loathing, and/or ENVY in the scapegoated child.
If these behaviors keep happening without the targeted child being stood up for or protected against the bullying, then it's easy to see why the child would develop all kinds of perceptions about themselves and the world, and develop coping mechanisms that become behavioral habits.
A closed fist cannot receive anything at all, nor can its fingers work or do anything. A closed fist is only useful for one thing. But it's hard to open one's hand if one doesn't feel safe. So one of the important steps in recovery is to seek out and create safety for one's self and one's children, whatever it takes. When one feels safe, one will be able to learn how to open one's hand to receive and give. ~ <3 br="">
~If there are three children standing together with their hands out, and they each receive five candies, there is no issue. But if one of those children is a bully, then he or she might try to take the others' candy.
The automatic reaction of those kids would be to CLOSE their hand and try to hold on to their candy, and defend themselves against the bully.
OR, if the adult handing the candy out is a "Narcissist", he or she might give one of the kids 8 candies (the kid they favor), another one 5, and another one 2, the one they least favor.
This is very likely to provoke superiority in the favored child, suspicion, envy, and superiority in the "middle" child, and resentment, humiliation, self-loathing, and/or ENVY in the scapegoated child.
If these behaviors keep happening without the targeted child being stood up for or protected against the bullying, then it's easy to see why the child would develop all kinds of perceptions about themselves and the world, and develop coping mechanisms that become behavioral habits.
A closed fist cannot receive anything at all, nor can its fingers work or do anything. A closed fist is only useful for one thing. But it's hard to open one's hand if one doesn't feel safe. So one of the important steps in recovery is to seek out and create safety for one's self and one's children, whatever it takes. When one feels safe, one will be able to learn how to open one's hand to receive and give. ~ <3 br="">
