It is
absolutely not "normal" for a child to worry that he or she is going to
be rejected, abandoned, invaded, insulted, stolen from, manipulated,
backstabbed, exploited, triangulated against, or attacked emotionally,
physically, or in any other way by a parent.
Parents who do these things have either mental illness or a personality disorder. They may have developed their illness from themselves being abused growing up, but that does not negate their responsibility as parents.
If they can't help it, because they're pathologically ill, and aren't going to be capable of recovery, then other adults around them who are not mentally ill are responsible for stepping in and helping to mentor and care for the child, with the same level of responsible parenting or balanced, healthy caregiving, not as a hero or a martyr.
In healthy families, cultures, and communities, helping others and helping with children (in a genuine way) is normal and expected. Since everyone simply does it naturally, the "burden" does not fall to only one or two people, so it's not a hardship.
(The difference between nine people pushing a stalled car with one person in it, steering, and one person pushing a car with nine people in it.
Or ten people keeping watch over a flock of sheep, taking brief shifts, sharing shifts, switching shifts, vs. one person keeping watch over the whole flock, all alone, 24/7, and then getting judged and criticized by the other nine when anything happens.)
In unhealthy groups, a mentally or emotionally ill parent is often lambasted and shamed (even if their illness is from trauma) by those with self-righteous complexes, and the child is ignored and left to deal with it by themselves, because the focus is really only on judging the parent, not on the well-being of the child. OR the child is "taken away" from the parent as a display of power and control, either by an individual or by the state, not to help either the parent or the child, just to have control.
Parents who do these things have either mental illness or a personality disorder. They may have developed their illness from themselves being abused growing up, but that does not negate their responsibility as parents.
If they can't help it, because they're pathologically ill, and aren't going to be capable of recovery, then other adults around them who are not mentally ill are responsible for stepping in and helping to mentor and care for the child, with the same level of responsible parenting or balanced, healthy caregiving, not as a hero or a martyr.
In healthy families, cultures, and communities, helping others and helping with children (in a genuine way) is normal and expected. Since everyone simply does it naturally, the "burden" does not fall to only one or two people, so it's not a hardship.
(The difference between nine people pushing a stalled car with one person in it, steering, and one person pushing a car with nine people in it.
Or ten people keeping watch over a flock of sheep, taking brief shifts, sharing shifts, switching shifts, vs. one person keeping watch over the whole flock, all alone, 24/7, and then getting judged and criticized by the other nine when anything happens.)
In unhealthy groups, a mentally or emotionally ill parent is often lambasted and shamed (even if their illness is from trauma) by those with self-righteous complexes, and the child is ignored and left to deal with it by themselves, because the focus is really only on judging the parent, not on the well-being of the child. OR the child is "taken away" from the parent as a display of power and control, either by an individual or by the state, not to help either the parent or the child, just to have control.
