Here's a clue about the world we live in now.. in healthy, happy, well-rounded societies (that aren't inundated with control mongers), regardless of average income, it's typical for children to connect with and remain connected with friends and acquaintances of their parents, and extended family, and be able to rely on them for solid guidance, friendship, and support.
In antisocial control freak societies, you see the opposite of that quite often.
Adults don't make connections with other people's children as a "normal" thing, or stay connected to them, or have any idea how to mentor them.
Many don't even do that with their own.
Or they ONLY treat certain children decently whom they include in a chosen "clique", and judge other children negatively who don't "fit in", even children who are in their family, or local circles, groups, or community.
They put the burden of finding adult support, connections, and mentors on the children, as if the children have to "prove" that they're "good enough" to warrant attention or (proper) guidance from adults, or friendship and acceptance.
Adults in such groups may triangulate KIDS, gossip and spread rumors ABOUT children, or about kids' parents, and will often ostracize and reject KIDS from their cliques, and encourage the kids in their family to do the same.
(Instead of teaching them NOT to create cliques, gossip, single out, bully, and ostracize... through guidance, and modeling mature adult behavior, which includes caring about children).
So adults MIGHT show acceptance or approval toward a couple of kids who fit a certain mold that they LIKE, (usually who remind them of themselves), but that's it; the rest of the children get treated like 'rugrats, like they're just walking annoyances that cost resources and time, and get underfoot.
Also, many parents in these types of communities typically don't make an effort to connect with other families for reasons of "family" (as opposed to reasons of shared substance use or other adult-only "common interests"). And they don't LIKE IT when their kids make normal connections with actually-responsible, kid-friendly adult friends, or with adults who actually WOULD be a mentor to them; not because they're "worried about the adult's behavior" but because of jealousy or insecurity.
(These same parents will often allow another blatantly irresponsible adult to be in contact with their kids, just because the person is one of their "buddies", but NOT a person with real integrity or the ability to mentor... the kid might LIKE them, and then what? The kid might learn how to see through B.S... wouldn't want that...)
Before going blaming the parents for all of it, can't get off so easy. It actually does take the village to raise a child. It doesn't take a village if one lives in the woods, with no other human contact, because that's all the child is going to experience. But if the child is going to be raised in a "village", then the "village" the child comes in contact with IS already involved in raising and influencing that child, whether they like it or not. When they treat the child poorly, shun the child, bully the child, or treat the child's parent poorly, they are affecting the child directly.
It doesn't take "Mr. or Ms. Perfect" or "Mr. or Ms. Community Leader" to be a positive (as opposed to negative) influence on children, it just takes not being a self-centered jerk, and having consideration and respect (including self-respect).
Having and displaying basic decency, fairness, and manners, and keep the ridiculous sexism to a minimum for the benefit of both boys and girls.
Favoring one over the other does neither any favors, it just instigates superiority and inferiority complexes, and causes them problems in adulthood when they're trying to deal with others in society, have good relationships, and lead happy lives.
("Children" are still "children" when they're teens, legally till they're 21, they aren't grown up just because they look adult-like. And they're still young adults in their 20s, they're not experienced, life-worn older people who could possibly know what they haven't learned yet. Adult responsibility doesn't just STOP when kids don't look little anymore.)
Addendum: There is a very big difference between infantalizing young people and guiding/mentoring them.
n-tl-ahyz, -tahy-lahyz, in-fan-tl-ahyz]
In antisocial control freak societies, you see the opposite of that quite often.
Adults don't make connections with other people's children as a "normal" thing, or stay connected to them, or have any idea how to mentor them.
Many don't even do that with their own.
Or they ONLY treat certain children decently whom they include in a chosen "clique", and judge other children negatively who don't "fit in", even children who are in their family, or local circles, groups, or community.
They put the burden of finding adult support, connections, and mentors on the children, as if the children have to "prove" that they're "good enough" to warrant attention or (proper) guidance from adults, or friendship and acceptance.
Adults in such groups may triangulate KIDS, gossip and spread rumors ABOUT children, or about kids' parents, and will often ostracize and reject KIDS from their cliques, and encourage the kids in their family to do the same.
(Instead of teaching them NOT to create cliques, gossip, single out, bully, and ostracize... through guidance, and modeling mature adult behavior, which includes caring about children).
So adults MIGHT show acceptance or approval toward a couple of kids who fit a certain mold that they LIKE, (usually who remind them of themselves), but that's it; the rest of the children get treated like 'rugrats, like they're just walking annoyances that cost resources and time, and get underfoot.
Also, many parents in these types of communities typically don't make an effort to connect with other families for reasons of "family" (as opposed to reasons of shared substance use or other adult-only "common interests"). And they don't LIKE IT when their kids make normal connections with actually-responsible, kid-friendly adult friends, or with adults who actually WOULD be a mentor to them; not because they're "worried about the adult's behavior" but because of jealousy or insecurity.
(These same parents will often allow another blatantly irresponsible adult to be in contact with their kids, just because the person is one of their "buddies", but NOT a person with real integrity or the ability to mentor... the kid might LIKE them, and then what? The kid might learn how to see through B.S... wouldn't want that...)
Before going blaming the parents for all of it, can't get off so easy. It actually does take the village to raise a child. It doesn't take a village if one lives in the woods, with no other human contact, because that's all the child is going to experience. But if the child is going to be raised in a "village", then the "village" the child comes in contact with IS already involved in raising and influencing that child, whether they like it or not. When they treat the child poorly, shun the child, bully the child, or treat the child's parent poorly, they are affecting the child directly.
It doesn't take "Mr. or Ms. Perfect" or "Mr. or Ms. Community Leader" to be a positive (as opposed to negative) influence on children, it just takes not being a self-centered jerk, and having consideration and respect (including self-respect).
Having and displaying basic decency, fairness, and manners, and keep the ridiculous sexism to a minimum for the benefit of both boys and girls.
Favoring one over the other does neither any favors, it just instigates superiority and inferiority complexes, and causes them problems in adulthood when they're trying to deal with others in society, have good relationships, and lead happy lives.
("Children" are still "children" when they're teens, legally till they're 21, they aren't grown up just because they look adult-like. And they're still young adults in their 20s, they're not experienced, life-worn older people who could possibly know what they haven't learned yet. Adult responsibility doesn't just STOP when kids don't look little anymore.)
Addendum: There is a very big difference between infantalizing young people and guiding/mentoring them.
in·fan·til·ize
[in-fuhn-tl-ahyz, -tahy-lahyz, in-fan-tl-ahyz]
verb (used with object), in·fan·til·ized, in·fan·til·iz·ing.
1.
to keep in or reduce to an infantile state.
2.
to treat or regard as infantile or immature.
