Frequently implying that something has been done that's "wrong" or "shameful" or that someone should be "ashamed of" can be a conscious control tactic, done completely on purpose.
(Whooooo left the hall light on.... Whyyyyyy is there no milk... Wheeeerrree were you... Whaaaatttt are you doing.....Whyyyy are you doing that...)
But it's more likely to be a learned behavior from childhood.
Children who may have maturation issues, developmental delay issues, possibly from a dysfunctional or abusive environment, may be more likely to more closely mimic behaviors of specific adults or older children around them, in an attempt to fit in with the group and develop an identity that the group will accept.
So little Shauna mimics Aunt Sarah's judgmental attitude, pointing out "flaws" and "mistakes" and "failings" in others, projecting motives and negative traits onto them, because she's literally just trying to be like her. Shauna, being a child, thinks Aunt Sarah is an important person in the group, because Aunt Sarah presents herself that way, being "above" others. And since Aunt Sarah pays attention to Shauna, she admires her and tries to be like her.
So when Shauna grows up, one of her main role models was Aunt Sarah, and she continues to act that way with little or no concept that there's anything "wrong" with it. She has been positively reinforced that the behavior is effective, because she seems to be able to get what she needs and get things done, and it makes her feel important (like Aunt Sarah). Other people seem to respond to it by doing what Shauna wants them to do, and that looks a lot like importance as well.
So without much guidance AWAY from that behavior by other adults, (possibly because no one else was paying attention to her), Shauna doesn't even really grasp that the behavior is controlling or negative, she just thinks it's being "a grown up who gets things done" or "who is important", and "who knows what she's talking about". Like Aunt Sarah.
Shauna's sister Jody, on the other hand, also picked up this behavior, but not from so much admiration toward Aunt Sarah. She picked it up inadvertently as part of the group dynamic, the behaviors that are accepted and allowed by the group, that several members do in varying degrees. Jody does not approve of Aunt Sarah's or Shauna's attitude or behavior, and she's unaware that she's picked it up too, to a lesser degree.
Everyone compares themselves to one another in order to judge their own behavior and attitudes, so compared to Aunt Sarah, Shauna is "nice". Compared to Aunt Sarah and Shauna, Jody is a "saint". But if one goes far outside their system (like to another region), they all seem like very controlling ,very nasty people, it's hard to tell one from the other.
However to those within the system, in the region or group, Jody is "sweet as pie", Shauna is "responsible" and a "go getter", and Aunt Sarah is a "pillar of the community" to some (and a mean gossip to others).
Luke, Shauna's brother, does the same thing with their Grandfather, Grandpa Leo, who happens to be Aunt Sarah's brother. He pays attention to Luke (but not to Sarah or Jody), and he acts very confident and knowledgeable, and strong, so Luke wants to emulate him. He wants to be just like him.
Luke's Grandpa Leo also happens to have a similar attitude to Aunt Sarah's, not strange since they came from the same family. He doesn't get away with open 'gossip' because he's a man, so instead he criticizes everything and everyone as if they are all stupid or lazy, or crazy. Bossing people around is something he's always been allowed to do as well in the group, and he likes to condescend, it makes him feel smart and knowledgeable (just like his own Uncle Mike had done).
He also likes to make little groups of certain men and boys, just like his own Uncle Mike had done when he was young, excluding girls, women, and men whom he knows would not go along with it.
Within the cloistered zone of these little exclusive groups of like-minded men, they DO gossip about others, just like Aunt Sarah does, talking about how this guy down the street is a pansy, and that guy at work is a slob, and the woman up the street is crazy, and this other woman at work is a "hot babe" but "too bad she's a know-it-all" and "doesn't know her place". Etc, etc. This gossip factory looks a little different, but it's the same one as Aunt Sarah's, and the same one that they were exposed to as children. The boys who have been included in the group think they've been inducted into an important, grown-up club, but really they're being taught to have the same judgmental, insecure, finger-pointing, superiority mind-set.
So Luke grows up with a lot of his grandfather's perceptions and behaviors, and like his sister Shauna, he doesn't realize there's anything negative or wrong about them. Shauna has been told that when others don't go along with her or like her it's because they're envious, childish, and rebellious, and Luke has been told that others who don't go along with him or admire him are jealous, weak, and illogical.
Gossips and controllers like their Grandpa Leo or their Aunt Sarah usually create "exclusive" groups so no one can thwart their agenda, or be a positive, fair-minded, ethical influence on people within the group. These "exclusive" groups might be very small, like little cells within a family or community group, or they can be larger and larger, and still larger, all the way up to a national governmental or political group. Anyone who doesn't or wouldn't go along or agree with their agenda is unwelcome, rejected, even despised.
Healthy groups (any type, from religious to political to social to scientific) aren't exclusive, and don't reject those who are not in 100% agreement.
(Whooooo left the hall light on.... Whyyyyyy is there no milk... Wheeeerrree were you... Whaaaatttt are you doing.....Whyyyy are you doing that...)
But it's more likely to be a learned behavior from childhood.
Children who may have maturation issues, developmental delay issues, possibly from a dysfunctional or abusive environment, may be more likely to more closely mimic behaviors of specific adults or older children around them, in an attempt to fit in with the group and develop an identity that the group will accept.
So little Shauna mimics Aunt Sarah's judgmental attitude, pointing out "flaws" and "mistakes" and "failings" in others, projecting motives and negative traits onto them, because she's literally just trying to be like her. Shauna, being a child, thinks Aunt Sarah is an important person in the group, because Aunt Sarah presents herself that way, being "above" others. And since Aunt Sarah pays attention to Shauna, she admires her and tries to be like her.
So when Shauna grows up, one of her main role models was Aunt Sarah, and she continues to act that way with little or no concept that there's anything "wrong" with it. She has been positively reinforced that the behavior is effective, because she seems to be able to get what she needs and get things done, and it makes her feel important (like Aunt Sarah). Other people seem to respond to it by doing what Shauna wants them to do, and that looks a lot like importance as well.
So without much guidance AWAY from that behavior by other adults, (possibly because no one else was paying attention to her), Shauna doesn't even really grasp that the behavior is controlling or negative, she just thinks it's being "a grown up who gets things done" or "who is important", and "who knows what she's talking about". Like Aunt Sarah.
Shauna's sister Jody, on the other hand, also picked up this behavior, but not from so much admiration toward Aunt Sarah. She picked it up inadvertently as part of the group dynamic, the behaviors that are accepted and allowed by the group, that several members do in varying degrees. Jody does not approve of Aunt Sarah's or Shauna's attitude or behavior, and she's unaware that she's picked it up too, to a lesser degree.
Everyone compares themselves to one another in order to judge their own behavior and attitudes, so compared to Aunt Sarah, Shauna is "nice". Compared to Aunt Sarah and Shauna, Jody is a "saint". But if one goes far outside their system (like to another region), they all seem like very controlling ,very nasty people, it's hard to tell one from the other.
However to those within the system, in the region or group, Jody is "sweet as pie", Shauna is "responsible" and a "go getter", and Aunt Sarah is a "pillar of the community" to some (and a mean gossip to others).
Luke, Shauna's brother, does the same thing with their Grandfather, Grandpa Leo, who happens to be Aunt Sarah's brother. He pays attention to Luke (but not to Sarah or Jody), and he acts very confident and knowledgeable, and strong, so Luke wants to emulate him. He wants to be just like him.
Luke's Grandpa Leo also happens to have a similar attitude to Aunt Sarah's, not strange since they came from the same family. He doesn't get away with open 'gossip' because he's a man, so instead he criticizes everything and everyone as if they are all stupid or lazy, or crazy. Bossing people around is something he's always been allowed to do as well in the group, and he likes to condescend, it makes him feel smart and knowledgeable (just like his own Uncle Mike had done).
He also likes to make little groups of certain men and boys, just like his own Uncle Mike had done when he was young, excluding girls, women, and men whom he knows would not go along with it.
Within the cloistered zone of these little exclusive groups of like-minded men, they DO gossip about others, just like Aunt Sarah does, talking about how this guy down the street is a pansy, and that guy at work is a slob, and the woman up the street is crazy, and this other woman at work is a "hot babe" but "too bad she's a know-it-all" and "doesn't know her place". Etc, etc. This gossip factory looks a little different, but it's the same one as Aunt Sarah's, and the same one that they were exposed to as children. The boys who have been included in the group think they've been inducted into an important, grown-up club, but really they're being taught to have the same judgmental, insecure, finger-pointing, superiority mind-set.
So Luke grows up with a lot of his grandfather's perceptions and behaviors, and like his sister Shauna, he doesn't realize there's anything negative or wrong about them. Shauna has been told that when others don't go along with her or like her it's because they're envious, childish, and rebellious, and Luke has been told that others who don't go along with him or admire him are jealous, weak, and illogical.
Gossips and controllers like their Grandpa Leo or their Aunt Sarah usually create "exclusive" groups so no one can thwart their agenda, or be a positive, fair-minded, ethical influence on people within the group. These "exclusive" groups might be very small, like little cells within a family or community group, or they can be larger and larger, and still larger, all the way up to a national governmental or political group. Anyone who doesn't or wouldn't go along or agree with their agenda is unwelcome, rejected, even despised.
Healthy groups (any type, from religious to political to social to scientific) aren't exclusive, and don't reject those who are not in 100% agreement.
