Flag for Narcissism, or Narcissistic leanings:
Including themselves with anyone whom you're connected with, but excluding you from their own "connections". Including family.
They make sure to be connected with those who are your friends or relatives. They include themselves as part of your "WE" and "US" with nearly anyone whom you are affiliated with, especially with anyone they LIKE or admire, are attracted to, or see as "important".
But they exclude you from THEIR personal connections.
This is related to codependency.
The person will reveal this both in language and action.
They will refer to others as people they are exclusively connected to, such as "my friend Diane", even if you have known Diane for fifteen years.
They will refer to relatives as "my brother Steve" even if Steve is your uncle.
(It won't be "Uncle Steve", or "Steve", or "Your Uncle Steve", it will be "MY brother, Steve".)
Some will even refer to their children as "my daughter Susan" or "my son John" while talking to ANOTHER one of their children. This is especially disturbing when the child they are speaking TO is a stepchild or an adopted child.
They will often invite only certain relatives to family functions or even big gatherings, but exclude others, JUST to try to control and influence who is included in "the group" and who isn't. Controllers will often do this to try to CREATE a certain Clique-version of the family that only includes certain members, exactly like clique-making children in school.
NOT because someone often acts out and makes a scene at gatherings, NOT because someone has done something heinous, and NOT because someone has repeatedly done and said hurtful things to them, but JUST to be in control.
(Self-righteous pontificating and rationalizing can often be heard in "defense" of this behavior.)
~In fact, they are MUCH more likely to exclude people who THEY have done mean, cruel, or manipulative things TO, and very often those who have been scapegoated by the family.
(In other words, the abusive relative will often get invited and included but not the child they neglected or abused. Just like bullies and cliques in school. And just like a true bully/Narcissist, the abusive relative will NOT question why the child was not included, nor stand up for the child, or whoever the person was who was obviously excluded; their partner or other relative. Narcissistic people LIKE IT when they get included but someone who they're associated with gets excluded, or disrespected.)
~
Facebook is a prime place for this behavior to show. They will "friend" friends (or relatives) of yours whom they have perhaps met once, or never met at all, which is not all by itself weird, it's common on FB.
But the OTHER side of this coin is what makes it Narcissistic, they act like it's weird when you friend THEIR friends or relatives. They could friend 20 people from your friends list in a row, but when you friend someone from their friends' list, they might say something like "How do you know so and so?"
Narcissistic people, especially if they have codependency or enmeshment issues, tend to want to be the "HUB" of relationships between people they know, so they can keep an eye on them, control them, and orchestrate them, and so they'll always be connected and never get left out, kicked out, scapegated, or bad-mouthed behind their backs.
(Since THEY do all those things to others (and usually so do many of their "friends"), they are always making sure they aren't a victim of the same maltreatment.)
Also, if you do try to friend some of their friends, you might find that they have a lot of "friends" who are also Narcissistic, so they won't accept your friend request, even if they know you are their spouse, child, or close friend.
This is also a flag for infidelity. If your partner has several friends of the opposite sex who seem to be cold-shouldering you, (or the same sex for homosexual couples obviously), then you have to wonder what that's all about.
REAL friends, and healthy family members (excluding kids) don't cold-shoulder a partner or spouse of their friend or family member, OR someone's child, or a child in their family, unless there's a very real reason for it, and that isn't based on rumors or hearsay. Whether it's in real life or on Facebook. Especially if there is no negative history with the person.
This behavior is evidence of many things, and it could be just that the person doing the cold-shouldering is mentally ill or is a drug-user.
But it's more often due to slander and rumor-spreading, or infidelity.
Either someone has been smearing the spouse, partner, or child's reputation, and there are a lot of gossip-believers and drama-mongers in the group, or the partner or spouse is cheating, so of course those he or she is cheating with, or flirting with, won't want to "friend" their partner, child, or close friend.
It can ALSO be in many cases, that those "friends" are very immature and they themselves want to "OWN" the person, they may have codependency/control issues themselves, or they may have a crush on the person, or are stalking them, so of course they would not want to include the person's partner, child, or close friend in anything.
The latter is very common in the entertainment business, whatever the genre. Groupies don't want their crush to have a partner at all, (remember being 11 or 12ish and having a crush on some music star? He or she was not supposed to have a spouse or partner, by gosh! You were the "one"! Lol) never mind want to include or acknowledge the partner. And those groupies CAN EASILY be real-life friends of the person that they've known for a long time. They're still 12.
Including themselves with anyone whom you're connected with, but excluding you from their own "connections". Including family.
They make sure to be connected with those who are your friends or relatives. They include themselves as part of your "WE" and "US" with nearly anyone whom you are affiliated with, especially with anyone they LIKE or admire, are attracted to, or see as "important".
But they exclude you from THEIR personal connections.
This is related to codependency.
The person will reveal this both in language and action.
They will refer to others as people they are exclusively connected to, such as "my friend Diane", even if you have known Diane for fifteen years.
They will refer to relatives as "my brother Steve" even if Steve is your uncle.
(It won't be "Uncle Steve", or "Steve", or "Your Uncle Steve", it will be "MY brother, Steve".)
Some will even refer to their children as "my daughter Susan" or "my son John" while talking to ANOTHER one of their children. This is especially disturbing when the child they are speaking TO is a stepchild or an adopted child.
They will often invite only certain relatives to family functions or even big gatherings, but exclude others, JUST to try to control and influence who is included in "the group" and who isn't. Controllers will often do this to try to CREATE a certain Clique-version of the family that only includes certain members, exactly like clique-making children in school.
NOT because someone often acts out and makes a scene at gatherings, NOT because someone has done something heinous, and NOT because someone has repeatedly done and said hurtful things to them, but JUST to be in control.
(Self-righteous pontificating and rationalizing can often be heard in "defense" of this behavior.)
~In fact, they are MUCH more likely to exclude people who THEY have done mean, cruel, or manipulative things TO, and very often those who have been scapegoated by the family.
(In other words, the abusive relative will often get invited and included but not the child they neglected or abused. Just like bullies and cliques in school. And just like a true bully/Narcissist, the abusive relative will NOT question why the child was not included, nor stand up for the child, or whoever the person was who was obviously excluded; their partner or other relative. Narcissistic people LIKE IT when they get included but someone who they're associated with gets excluded, or disrespected.)
~
Facebook is a prime place for this behavior to show. They will "friend" friends (or relatives) of yours whom they have perhaps met once, or never met at all, which is not all by itself weird, it's common on FB.
But the OTHER side of this coin is what makes it Narcissistic, they act like it's weird when you friend THEIR friends or relatives. They could friend 20 people from your friends list in a row, but when you friend someone from their friends' list, they might say something like "How do you know so and so?"
Narcissistic people, especially if they have codependency or enmeshment issues, tend to want to be the "HUB" of relationships between people they know, so they can keep an eye on them, control them, and orchestrate them, and so they'll always be connected and never get left out, kicked out, scapegated, or bad-mouthed behind their backs.
(Since THEY do all those things to others (and usually so do many of their "friends"), they are always making sure they aren't a victim of the same maltreatment.)
Also, if you do try to friend some of their friends, you might find that they have a lot of "friends" who are also Narcissistic, so they won't accept your friend request, even if they know you are their spouse, child, or close friend.
This is also a flag for infidelity. If your partner has several friends of the opposite sex who seem to be cold-shouldering you, (or the same sex for homosexual couples obviously), then you have to wonder what that's all about.
REAL friends, and healthy family members (excluding kids) don't cold-shoulder a partner or spouse of their friend or family member, OR someone's child, or a child in their family, unless there's a very real reason for it, and that isn't based on rumors or hearsay. Whether it's in real life or on Facebook. Especially if there is no negative history with the person.
This behavior is evidence of many things, and it could be just that the person doing the cold-shouldering is mentally ill or is a drug-user.
But it's more often due to slander and rumor-spreading, or infidelity.
Either someone has been smearing the spouse, partner, or child's reputation, and there are a lot of gossip-believers and drama-mongers in the group, or the partner or spouse is cheating, so of course those he or she is cheating with, or flirting with, won't want to "friend" their partner, child, or close friend.
It can ALSO be in many cases, that those "friends" are very immature and they themselves want to "OWN" the person, they may have codependency/control issues themselves, or they may have a crush on the person, or are stalking them, so of course they would not want to include the person's partner, child, or close friend in anything.
The latter is very common in the entertainment business, whatever the genre. Groupies don't want their crush to have a partner at all, (remember being 11 or 12ish and having a crush on some music star? He or she was not supposed to have a spouse or partner, by gosh! You were the "one"! Lol) never mind want to include or acknowledge the partner. And those groupies CAN EASILY be real-life friends of the person that they've known for a long time. They're still 12.
