People who care ten times more about their image and ego than other human beings or relationships with others, whether they're a parent, boss, "friend", partner, sibling, cousin, neighbor, coworker, the mail carrier, the president, the vet, the clerk at the drugstore, will reject others very, very quickly and easily.
They have an "eject" button with a hair-trigger.
When anyone who's not a current favorite says or does even the slightest thing that could possibly be taken as some sort of insult or accusation, they'll eject them like a bullet from a gun.
The problem is that they are so hyper-protective of what they have come to believe is their "self", that they destroy positive connections with genuinely caring people with integrity right and left.
It might be compared to the way we might react if someone comes near our very badly sunburned shoulder. "GET AWAY! GET OFF!!! GET THE H. AWAY FROM ME!"
They don't reject people who are focused on gossiping about and blaming OTHER people, because they're pointing and shaming OTHER people.
(If I'm standing next to you, pointing at the girl across the street, I'm not pointing at YOU.)
So they bond with other gossipers and blamers based on that alone.
If they happen to have some common interest, that's what they'll say the relationship is based on, but the reality is, the bond is based on mutually pointing at, judging, and blaming OTHER people, and therefore AWAY FROM themselves.
They don't LIKE people who look at themselves and self-reflect, and who speak straightforwardly about what's really going on. They don't like it, and they don't like them.
Because people who self-reflect and self-examine, and who are objective observers and solution-oriented, don't have taboo subjects, and don't avoid looking at, talking about, or examining, well, anything.
Being objective means leaving bias, preference, and ego out of it, not taking sides, and not engaging in emotional reactivity that clouds perception, so the objective observer is able to see what they're looking at much more clearly.
In order to actually see what's really there, and what's going on, they'll look directly at the things that an avoider is often trying to keep covered, either due to shame OR due to self-protection.
They have an "eject" button with a hair-trigger.
When anyone who's not a current favorite says or does even the slightest thing that could possibly be taken as some sort of insult or accusation, they'll eject them like a bullet from a gun.
The problem is that they are so hyper-protective of what they have come to believe is their "self", that they destroy positive connections with genuinely caring people with integrity right and left.
It might be compared to the way we might react if someone comes near our very badly sunburned shoulder. "GET AWAY! GET OFF!!! GET THE H. AWAY FROM ME!"
They don't reject people who are focused on gossiping about and blaming OTHER people, because they're pointing and shaming OTHER people.
(If I'm standing next to you, pointing at the girl across the street, I'm not pointing at YOU.)
So they bond with other gossipers and blamers based on that alone.
If they happen to have some common interest, that's what they'll say the relationship is based on, but the reality is, the bond is based on mutually pointing at, judging, and blaming OTHER people, and therefore AWAY FROM themselves.
They don't LIKE people who look at themselves and self-reflect, and who speak straightforwardly about what's really going on. They don't like it, and they don't like them.
Because people who self-reflect and self-examine, and who are objective observers and solution-oriented, don't have taboo subjects, and don't avoid looking at, talking about, or examining, well, anything.
Being objective means leaving bias, preference, and ego out of it, not taking sides, and not engaging in emotional reactivity that clouds perception, so the objective observer is able to see what they're looking at much more clearly.
In order to actually see what's really there, and what's going on, they'll look directly at the things that an avoider is often trying to keep covered, either due to shame OR due to self-protection.
