Why Is It So Hard?
One of the reasons it's so devastating to deal with a romantic relationship, or a friend, that turns out to be a Narcissist, is because many of us actually were bonding with someone we thought was our ALLY and stand up with us, and for us, against the N abuse we had already gone through in our family lives. We thought we had finally found someone to be our True Ally. For them to be the opposite of this is mind-blowing, it would be for anyone. Picture a King or Queen going into battle, defending their benevolent realm against a long time enemy who keeps trying to tear down the walls and take over the land. At their side as they ride into battle is their most trusted Knight. Suddenly when the battle starts to get scary, the Knight rides away, leaving the Queen or King to fight on their own, no one at their back against the evil enemy. The Queen or King looks up, and there, across the field, among the ranks of the enemy, walking their horse calmly and peacefully, talking with the enemy's ranks, is their MOST TRUSTED, Number One Ally, their number one Knight. The N parent or family member already did this years ago. To find yet another person who would betray us in the same way, who is not even a family member who is already in that dysfunctional web, who has zero personal issues in common with us, is devastating. NOW what do we do? We have to A) Win this fight, and with them on the side against us instead of with us, our entire battle has changed, and we find ourselves outnumbered, and with more enemies than we knew, and now we have no idea who is against us on the INSIDE B) Turn tail and run; intellectually we know we had better do this because we have been tricked, and don't know how deep that goes. But we also know that running away will add to the damage that our reputation has already suffered; but we have no choice; it's either turn back, or die. C) When we get back, we must rebuild our kingdom from the ground up. People will talk about us incessantly, many who have N and control issues will blame US for the Knight leaving our side, even say we DROVE them away. D) We have to guard against allies that the Knight has within the kingdom. We have no idea who to trust, or who is plotting against us. E) We KNOW that the Knight has brought our secrets to the enemy, because we believed we could trust them with our secrets a long time ago. F) Our anxiety level, based on REAL events and situations, has gone through the roof; now it is much harder to sleep, eat, and figure out what to do. G) The Knight is threatening that if we don't let him/her back into the kingdom, he will wreak havoc. He tells everyone that we are crazy, and a tyrant, and he tells everyone that the gold that is missing (that he stole) was actually lost by YOU in a gambling ring, or in irresponsible spending. (People believe him because they like to hear about others doing something wrong) H) We realize that the easiest way out, safely, is to leave everything we loved and that was familiar, behind. All we built, all we accomplished. I) We are scared. We fear that wherever we turn, whatever we do, there will be someone watching us, judging us, trashing us, blocking us, punishing us, undermining us. J) We are OVERWHELMED. This makes it very difficult to see the LIGHT that still shines, the hope that still lies ahead, and the goodness that is still in our future.