By Rick Santos Sr
Here's something I wrote a long time ago..... Hope you like it.....
Freedom In Marriage
For many, marriage is the beginning of somethings, and the end of many others. A couple thats "ready" for marriage should enter it with the sense of freedom.
It is commonly thought that "now you're tied". But it should be "now you're free". Free to be yourself, free to speak your mind, free to be quiet, free to show yourself, free to be naked, free from the anxiety of being alone behind the mask.
If we could only hold on to the feeling, " I can't get enough of you" and " what I do, I do with you in mind", and want it that way. Not that I should love, but that I do love.
And we all need time to ourselves, but it shouldn't be an escape.
If your love is a secure one, then time spent apart can be free from anxiety. As it should be. Missing him or her because you truely miss them. Not because your worried about what they're doing.
There should be freedom in marriage, but realistically, this freedom doesn't exsist in most marriages.
Insecurity is a spoiler of relationships. Especially if it exsists on both sides. It breeds so many troubles, eventually leading people to want to escape the person they once couldn't get enough of.
If a person is feeling so insecure that from the beginning they cant show their true self, they probably will doubt the feelings of love from their partner, who at this time probably only knows "the mask". Not the best foundation to start a future with someone on.... A strong enough wind can just blow it away. Or enough small breezes.
Most likely if your partner senses (and they do) that you dont trust them enough, that you can't be yourself with them, then most likely they will protectively end up doing the same and have reservations with you also. This seems to be our nature. Negative thoughts creep in..... "maybe if he/she really gets to know me, they might not except me any more". This is fear. And maybe they wont. But.... maybe they will.... embrace you.
The truth is, there can be freedom in marriage. But it takes communication, trust, honesty, understanding, compassion, and truth. All of which comes with MATURITY and being ready. Rare in this life of ours, but attainable.
Though more and more we work less and less on these things. And lets not forget the word patience.
If we refuse to put effort and time into these things, then what right do we have to complain about not recieving them. Especially if we excersise the opposite. You dont have to look too far to see that around you.
Selfishness slips in. Not self love, but a self abusing type of selfishness, tainted with an assortment of attitudes designed for protection, but usually a path to frustration.
With our guard up we may claim that we wont be controlled or "used" by the person who loves us, then place ourselves in a position to be used and abused and controlled by everything and everyone else. Usually ending up in a position we didnt bargain for.
Here's a couple of hypothetical statements: Im in love with you and would love spending my life with you. Though I need to be free to be myself.
The average person might see this as a contradiction. And in some cases it is. (most) Because in most cases people might feel their sacrificing much of their lives, sacrificing themselves to be with someone else. (you)
Perhaps some of the excitment is begining to fade, the sense of adventure dimming a bit with the onset of daily rituals. Maybe some problems begin to over shadow the good times a bit. Reality sets in, The escape begins.
To have freedom in marriage, Love MUST exsist.
I believe that marriage is something that happens between two people as the result of love, as opposed to something two people do because they think their in love.
In a marriage built on real love a couple should be able to live more freely as they choose, desiring whats best for each other naturally from the heart.
Saddly, for many this seems so unrealistic. Love so often ends up unbalanced, Opening the door to probable pain for someone.
So do we shrink back to our natural instinct to hide? Run for cover behind the mask?
I guess for us to have freedom in marriage it also takes Faith.
If we're seeking for real love and dont want to settle for less as we often do, then we also need the strength to walk away when it isnt right, so that we can find what is.....
Many relationships are good, but not right. The differance being, the good ones are good untill what ever was good about it fades and looses its attraction. And your "love" then becomes maybe 4th , 5th, or 6th ect.... on the list of whats important to you. Remember when they were # 1! Sometime we unfortunetly dont remember that.... cause maybe they never were.
The right relationship is simply worth so much and is so important that it is natural to put it first..... #1. To give it more attention than say, the car, the house, the bills, (the guy or woman down the street!). Together naturally taking care of lifes "stuff". Enjoying the good times, and suffering through the tough times together for the sake of each other. Caring for each other, to better one another.
Life is short. And finding real love in this world is saddly a rare thing. So many times we settle for less. And so many times it turns out that our lives would have been better off if we spent it alone. Often the one we settle for is what keeps us from being with the one thats right. The one we could be free with. The one with whom we better ourselves with.
Real love, not "true love".
"True love insinuates that there is "false love" or a "lesser love" which wouldn't be love at all.
There is a "Real Love or there isnt. Pure and simple. Love cares.........
Rick Santos Sr.
Originally written November, 1997
Freedom In Marriage
For many, marriage is the beginning of somethings, and the end of many others. A couple thats "ready" for marriage should enter it with the sense of freedom.
It is commonly thought that "now you're tied". But it should be "now you're free". Free to be yourself, free to speak your mind, free to be quiet, free to show yourself, free to be naked, free from the anxiety of being alone behind the mask.
If we could only hold on to the feeling, " I can't get enough of you" and " what I do, I do with you in mind", and want it that way. Not that I should love, but that I do love.
And we all need time to ourselves, but it shouldn't be an escape.
If your love is a secure one, then time spent apart can be free from anxiety. As it should be. Missing him or her because you truely miss them. Not because your worried about what they're doing.
There should be freedom in marriage, but realistically, this freedom doesn't exsist in most marriages.
Insecurity is a spoiler of relationships. Especially if it exsists on both sides. It breeds so many troubles, eventually leading people to want to escape the person they once couldn't get enough of.
If a person is feeling so insecure that from the beginning they cant show their true self, they probably will doubt the feelings of love from their partner, who at this time probably only knows "the mask". Not the best foundation to start a future with someone on.... A strong enough wind can just blow it away. Or enough small breezes.
Most likely if your partner senses (and they do) that you dont trust them enough, that you can't be yourself with them, then most likely they will protectively end up doing the same and have reservations with you also. This seems to be our nature. Negative thoughts creep in..... "maybe if he/she really gets to know me, they might not except me any more". This is fear. And maybe they wont. But.... maybe they will.... embrace you.
The truth is, there can be freedom in marriage. But it takes communication, trust, honesty, understanding, compassion, and truth. All of which comes with MATURITY and being ready. Rare in this life of ours, but attainable.
Though more and more we work less and less on these things. And lets not forget the word patience.
If we refuse to put effort and time into these things, then what right do we have to complain about not recieving them. Especially if we excersise the opposite. You dont have to look too far to see that around you.
Selfishness slips in. Not self love, but a self abusing type of selfishness, tainted with an assortment of attitudes designed for protection, but usually a path to frustration.
With our guard up we may claim that we wont be controlled or "used" by the person who loves us, then place ourselves in a position to be used and abused and controlled by everything and everyone else. Usually ending up in a position we didnt bargain for.
Here's a couple of hypothetical statements: Im in love with you and would love spending my life with you. Though I need to be free to be myself.
The average person might see this as a contradiction. And in some cases it is. (most) Because in most cases people might feel their sacrificing much of their lives, sacrificing themselves to be with someone else. (you)
Perhaps some of the excitment is begining to fade, the sense of adventure dimming a bit with the onset of daily rituals. Maybe some problems begin to over shadow the good times a bit. Reality sets in, The escape begins.
To have freedom in marriage, Love MUST exsist.
I believe that marriage is something that happens between two people as the result of love, as opposed to something two people do because they think their in love.
In a marriage built on real love a couple should be able to live more freely as they choose, desiring whats best for each other naturally from the heart.
Saddly, for many this seems so unrealistic. Love so often ends up unbalanced, Opening the door to probable pain for someone.
So do we shrink back to our natural instinct to hide? Run for cover behind the mask?
I guess for us to have freedom in marriage it also takes Faith.
If we're seeking for real love and dont want to settle for less as we often do, then we also need the strength to walk away when it isnt right, so that we can find what is.....
Many relationships are good, but not right. The differance being, the good ones are good untill what ever was good about it fades and looses its attraction. And your "love" then becomes maybe 4th , 5th, or 6th ect.... on the list of whats important to you. Remember when they were # 1! Sometime we unfortunetly dont remember that.... cause maybe they never were.
The right relationship is simply worth so much and is so important that it is natural to put it first..... #1. To give it more attention than say, the car, the house, the bills, (the guy or woman down the street!). Together naturally taking care of lifes "stuff". Enjoying the good times, and suffering through the tough times together for the sake of each other. Caring for each other, to better one another.
Life is short. And finding real love in this world is saddly a rare thing. So many times we settle for less. And so many times it turns out that our lives would have been better off if we spent it alone. Often the one we settle for is what keeps us from being with the one thats right. The one we could be free with. The one with whom we better ourselves with.
Real love, not "true love".
"True love insinuates that there is "false love" or a "lesser love" which wouldn't be love at all.
There is a "Real Love or there isnt. Pure and simple. Love cares.........
Rick Santos Sr.
Originally written November, 1997
