When judgment, blame and shame is used against others as a weapon, it's really kind of silly. Show me any human being, any human at all, and we can pick out enough "flaws" to label them a "loser". Easy as shooting fish in a barrel. Anyone of us can be labeled a "loser" right this second, by someone who wants to label us that way, as we sit here (or stand here, or read this at our desk, or on our smart phone, or on the billboard at Times Square, or in an email from the President, or printed and hung on a bulletin board in prison, or at Harvard, or from the U.N. conference room, or at the Vatican.) Anyone can pick a random human being out of a crowd and list "reasons" why that person is a "loser", but those "reasons" are really just excuses to call someone a "loser".
She doesn't wear makeup so she's a loser, she wears too much makeup so she's a loser, she wears the wrong shade.
>His pants are too loose so he's a loser, his pants are too tight, his pants are too expensive, his pants are torn, his pants aren't in style.. his pants ARE in style...so he's a loser?
>He works at a desk job, so he's a loser. She works in a factory, so she's a loser. He's a stuck-up executive, so he's a loser... she's a high profile actress, she must be stuck-up, so she's a loser...
>She drives an old pickup truck, must be a loser... He drives a little car, has to be a loser...
>She doesn't dye her hair, loser... She dyes it the "wrong" color, loser...She has it cut too short, she wears it too long, she styles it "wrong"...His hair is too long, his hair is too styled, his hair is too short, loser...
>He is working on a novel, must be a loser... he doesn't know how to fix things, must be a loser... he's nothing but a carpenter, loser...he's an accountant, must be a loser...
>She's poor, must be a loser...she's rich, must be a spoiled loser...
>He's ugly, must be a loser... She's very pretty, must be a loser...
>He's short, she's blond, he's light skinned, she's dark skinned, he's from California, she's from Iran, he's Catholic, she's Buddhist, he wears sneakers, she wears workboots... loser, loser, loser!! (?)
>He smokes cigarettes...she does NOT! But... she drinks wine, he does NOT! She plays poker, he couldn't POSSIBLY! He smokes marijuana~ She doesn't... HE thinks SHE is a loser because she doesn't.
>She's good at fixing cars, that makes her a loser? He's an excellent cook, that makes him a loser?
She didn't finish college so she's a loser?
Well, she didn't finish because she didn't see how a person can put their heart into taking care of a family at the same time as putting their heart into their education.
She didn't finish because she was waiting for her husband to finish first.
She didn't finish because she was laid off and her bills piled up, and she put all of her effort into paying them off.
She didn't finish because she was attacked by another human, and the trauma caused her to develop anxiety, so she could not bring herself to go to class with all those people, and no one would help her through it.
She didn't go to college in the first place because she quit high school to help her parents take care of her younger siblings.
She didn't go to college because her family told her it was too expensive.
So, who's the "loser"? The person who didn't finish college because she was dealing with other important things, or the person who's looking down their nose at her, completely disregarding reality? How about the people who didn't help her when she needed it? Maybe they are the real losers.
How about if we EJECT that word and that judgment habit altogether? Then no one gets that "loser" label!
If we were able to finish college, that was a blessing we can feel genuinely grateful for, instead of haughty about.
If we chose not to go or finish because we were taking care of other things, then we can feel grateful that we had the freedom to make that choice, and be genuinely happy for those who did finish.
Anyone and everyone has plenty of things "WRONG" with them, with their thinking, their assumptions, and the decisions they make. When we believe that we are some kind of superior creature, we are deluding ourselves, and we create a negative vibration that doesn't have to be there.
We could simply let go of this compulsion to judge, label, and look for excuses to call others inferior, so we can feel superior to them. We could let go of our desire to condescend and belittle. We could remember that we are all the same species, and practice accepting that we really know hardly anything about other people at all, even those we think we know.
When our boundaries are healthy and strong, we feel safe and secure in our skin, and have no need to put ourselves above anyone else, or look for reasons why any other human should be put "below" us. Our insecurity and fear is what drives us to desire a feeling of superiority over another human being. When we truly feel secure with ourselves, we simply do not desire any such thing.
She doesn't wear makeup so she's a loser, she wears too much makeup so she's a loser, she wears the wrong shade.
>His pants are too loose so he's a loser, his pants are too tight, his pants are too expensive, his pants are torn, his pants aren't in style.. his pants ARE in style...so he's a loser?
>He works at a desk job, so he's a loser. She works in a factory, so she's a loser. He's a stuck-up executive, so he's a loser... she's a high profile actress, she must be stuck-up, so she's a loser...
>She drives an old pickup truck, must be a loser... He drives a little car, has to be a loser...
>She doesn't dye her hair, loser... She dyes it the "wrong" color, loser...She has it cut too short, she wears it too long, she styles it "wrong"...His hair is too long, his hair is too styled, his hair is too short, loser...
>He is working on a novel, must be a loser... he doesn't know how to fix things, must be a loser... he's nothing but a carpenter, loser...he's an accountant, must be a loser...
>She's poor, must be a loser...she's rich, must be a spoiled loser...
>He's ugly, must be a loser... She's very pretty, must be a loser...
>He's short, she's blond, he's light skinned, she's dark skinned, he's from California, she's from Iran, he's Catholic, she's Buddhist, he wears sneakers, she wears workboots... loser, loser, loser!! (?)
>He smokes cigarettes...she does NOT! But... she drinks wine, he does NOT! She plays poker, he couldn't POSSIBLY! He smokes marijuana~ She doesn't... HE thinks SHE is a loser because she doesn't.
>She's good at fixing cars, that makes her a loser? He's an excellent cook, that makes him a loser?
She didn't finish college so she's a loser?
Well, she didn't finish because she didn't see how a person can put their heart into taking care of a family at the same time as putting their heart into their education.
She didn't finish because she was waiting for her husband to finish first.
She didn't finish because she was laid off and her bills piled up, and she put all of her effort into paying them off.
She didn't finish because she was attacked by another human, and the trauma caused her to develop anxiety, so she could not bring herself to go to class with all those people, and no one would help her through it.
She didn't go to college in the first place because she quit high school to help her parents take care of her younger siblings.
She didn't go to college because her family told her it was too expensive.
So, who's the "loser"? The person who didn't finish college because she was dealing with other important things, or the person who's looking down their nose at her, completely disregarding reality? How about the people who didn't help her when she needed it? Maybe they are the real losers.
How about if we EJECT that word and that judgment habit altogether? Then no one gets that "loser" label!
If we were able to finish college, that was a blessing we can feel genuinely grateful for, instead of haughty about.
If we chose not to go or finish because we were taking care of other things, then we can feel grateful that we had the freedom to make that choice, and be genuinely happy for those who did finish.
Anyone and everyone has plenty of things "WRONG" with them, with their thinking, their assumptions, and the decisions they make. When we believe that we are some kind of superior creature, we are deluding ourselves, and we create a negative vibration that doesn't have to be there.
We could simply let go of this compulsion to judge, label, and look for excuses to call others inferior, so we can feel superior to them. We could let go of our desire to condescend and belittle. We could remember that we are all the same species, and practice accepting that we really know hardly anything about other people at all, even those we think we know.
When our boundaries are healthy and strong, we feel safe and secure in our skin, and have no need to put ourselves above anyone else, or look for reasons why any other human should be put "below" us. Our insecurity and fear is what drives us to desire a feeling of superiority over another human being. When we truly feel secure with ourselves, we simply do not desire any such thing.
