Some behaviors of many Controllers include:
Speaking and behaving without greeting, social grace, or ceremony on a regular basis.
It varies with the individual, but the common denominator is an absence of social graces, although they may make a SHOW of manners in front of certain people. (There is a difference between a "control freak" and an actual "Narcissist"; a true "Narcissist" will try to tailor their behavior to the specific audience even more than the average Controller will.)
Some examples:
>Not saying "thank you" when given something, even a gift, by certain people whom they consider "lower" (they may thank others profusely for even small things).
>Not asking for things, but instead demanding or taking them.
>Making demands and commands instead of invitation.
>Giving instructions instead of asking politely for assistance ("I need you to help me move this weekend" instead of "I need to move this weekend, would you be able to help me?")
>Not saying "please".
>Standing in others' way, literally. Physically placing themselves in front of others, blocking them, or in the path of others, or in the middle of what others are doing.
>Entering closed rooms or dwellings without knocking, or knocking and entering without waiting for an answer.
>Absence of courtesy, manners, and polite respect toward strangers and in public.
>Rationalizing and justifying the absence of social graces toward others, for example using their situation, occupation or position as an excuse.
(If one police officer maintains his or her social graces, then being a police officer is not a valid "reason" for bad manners and disrespect toward others. Nor is being a supervisor, or a customer service worker, or a factory worker, or a CEO, or a celebrity, or an animal control officer, or a lab technician, or a line cook, or a social worker, or being poor or being wealthy, etc, etc. If the situation is too stressful for an individual, then they need to either get help and find better ways to deal with it, or find a different occupation, but it's not a valid reason to treat others poorly. You can find homeless people who have nothing, people who have suffered great loss and trauma, people who deal with extreme stress every day with enduring social graces.)
>Not acknowledging when another person speaks, or what they've said.
>Only acknowledging what another person says via criticism, insult, or invalidation.
>Constantly giving instructions, commands, and demands. (A target can't walk across the room without being given a new order or request.)
>Constantly making "suggestions" about anything and everything. Constantly giving "advice" to specific targets.
>Always making critical "observations" about others.
>Purposely speaking and acting in a "tough", "gruff", or lewd manner in front of others. Severe cases will do this especially in front of children, the elderly, or physically or mentally 'challenged' adults.
>Talking over others, interrupting them while they're speaking on a regular basis (on purpose, or without caring).
>Bad phone etiquette, such as:
Talking on the phone and with those in the room with them at the same time, without common etiquette like saying "hold on" to the person on the phone; calling them back at a better time; telling those in the room that they're on the phone and to wait until they hang up to speak to them; talking in normal volume or loudly on the phone in the midst of others trying to have a conversation, watch a show, eat a meal, etc.
>Launching immediately into announcements when someone enters a room, without greeting or ceremony.
(Many of these, including this one, can also be seen in those who are having some kind of difficulty, such as those who are "under the influence", those with certain cognitive issues, and those who have dementia for various reasons; also sometimes Asperger's or autism may show this. Also sometimes in those who are dealing with PTSD, depression, anxiety, or an abusive situation. ~ With this example, for instance, a person entering the room can be like a trigger to talk, to connect to another human being. OR, the behavior might have an agenda of Control and/or subjugation behind it if the person is actually a Narcissist. A person could have both Narcissism and another issue going on. Finding out the person's real motives and issues can be a challenge, but it means the difference between being a "target" and simply being in contact with someone with some kind of disability, be it temporary or permanent. Having healthy boundaries and awareness make it possible, and easier, to discern and to deal with either one.)
Speaking and behaving without greeting, social grace, or ceremony on a regular basis.
It varies with the individual, but the common denominator is an absence of social graces, although they may make a SHOW of manners in front of certain people. (There is a difference between a "control freak" and an actual "Narcissist"; a true "Narcissist" will try to tailor their behavior to the specific audience even more than the average Controller will.)
Some examples:
>Not saying "thank you" when given something, even a gift, by certain people whom they consider "lower" (they may thank others profusely for even small things).
>Not asking for things, but instead demanding or taking them.
>Making demands and commands instead of invitation.
>Giving instructions instead of asking politely for assistance ("I need you to help me move this weekend" instead of "I need to move this weekend, would you be able to help me?")
>Not saying "please".
>Standing in others' way, literally. Physically placing themselves in front of others, blocking them, or in the path of others, or in the middle of what others are doing.
>Entering closed rooms or dwellings without knocking, or knocking and entering without waiting for an answer.
>Absence of courtesy, manners, and polite respect toward strangers and in public.
>Rationalizing and justifying the absence of social graces toward others, for example using their situation, occupation or position as an excuse.
(If one police officer maintains his or her social graces, then being a police officer is not a valid "reason" for bad manners and disrespect toward others. Nor is being a supervisor, or a customer service worker, or a factory worker, or a CEO, or a celebrity, or an animal control officer, or a lab technician, or a line cook, or a social worker, or being poor or being wealthy, etc, etc. If the situation is too stressful for an individual, then they need to either get help and find better ways to deal with it, or find a different occupation, but it's not a valid reason to treat others poorly. You can find homeless people who have nothing, people who have suffered great loss and trauma, people who deal with extreme stress every day with enduring social graces.)
>Not acknowledging when another person speaks, or what they've said.
>Only acknowledging what another person says via criticism, insult, or invalidation.
>Constantly giving instructions, commands, and demands. (A target can't walk across the room without being given a new order or request.)
>Constantly making "suggestions" about anything and everything. Constantly giving "advice" to specific targets.
>Always making critical "observations" about others.
>Purposely speaking and acting in a "tough", "gruff", or lewd manner in front of others. Severe cases will do this especially in front of children, the elderly, or physically or mentally 'challenged' adults.
>Talking over others, interrupting them while they're speaking on a regular basis (on purpose, or without caring).
>Bad phone etiquette, such as:
Talking on the phone and with those in the room with them at the same time, without common etiquette like saying "hold on" to the person on the phone; calling them back at a better time; telling those in the room that they're on the phone and to wait until they hang up to speak to them; talking in normal volume or loudly on the phone in the midst of others trying to have a conversation, watch a show, eat a meal, etc.
>Launching immediately into announcements when someone enters a room, without greeting or ceremony.
(Many of these, including this one, can also be seen in those who are having some kind of difficulty, such as those who are "under the influence", those with certain cognitive issues, and those who have dementia for various reasons; also sometimes Asperger's or autism may show this. Also sometimes in those who are dealing with PTSD, depression, anxiety, or an abusive situation. ~ With this example, for instance, a person entering the room can be like a trigger to talk, to connect to another human being. OR, the behavior might have an agenda of Control and/or subjugation behind it if the person is actually a Narcissist. A person could have both Narcissism and another issue going on. Finding out the person's real motives and issues can be a challenge, but it means the difference between being a "target" and simply being in contact with someone with some kind of disability, be it temporary or permanent. Having healthy boundaries and awareness make it possible, and easier, to discern and to deal with either one.)
