Anger is not "hate". Anger is an emotion like sadness, like joy; it's normal and healthy, and often serves to wake a person up and look at what's really going on. It's an alarm that says "Hey! Something's not right!"
Anger is not RAGE. Rage can occur when a person (especially a person with weak, injured, or inflated ego) feels an ego-injury, or when a person is overwhelmed with fear and is in defense of themselves or another, or is triggered by PTSD. "Road rage" for example is often both ego and defense: self-protection AND/or domination, AND proving "toughness" or "superiority".
Anger helps us cross the threshold of FEAR, so we're not afraid to raise our head up and LOOK DIRECTLY at what's going on.
Anger is not hate, which bogs us down and eats at our own heart, and it's not AGGRESSION, which is an ACTION, not an emotion.
A person can feel sad, and behave in any number of ways in reaction to that sadness; they might just sit there and cry, or not cry, or talk about it with someone, or go into silence, or do something do distract themselves, or ask for a hug, or curl up in bed, or eat... Sadness is the feeling, not the behavior.
Anger is the same thing, it's a feeling, not an automatic behavior. One person can be very angry and barely show any behaviors at all, they might have learned to deal with their anger very effectively, which is healthy, or they might be burying it and hiding it, which is not healthy, but it would look similar to someone looking at them. Another person might instantly behave aggressively, because they don't know the difference between their emotions and their actions, or they might like the feeling of "displaying aggression", which is not "anger" at all...
Another person might retaliate against whoever they're angry at, which is not "anger", but the action of retaliation. People who retaliate will do that even when no one DID anything WRONG. They retaliate because it gives them a feeling of power and control over others, not because they're "angry".
ANGER itself doesn't dictate or control anyone's ACTIONS, no more than joy or sadness does.
When I'm feeling great joy, I don't dance in the air like Snoopy (I can't), nor do I call up every single friend on my contacts list like someone I know. Nor do I go skydiving like someone else I know. Nor do I drive my car in circles and peel out like still someone else I know.
When I feel joy, I do what I DO, and what I CHOOSE to do, not a preset behavior that "I can't help".
Just like my behavior when I feel anger. Even if I feel overwhelmed with anger, I don't smash my stuff or other people's stuff, I don't drive my car fast and endanger all the lives on the road including mine, I don't drink to oblivion or use drugs, nor do I go screaming at someone and then act like "I couldn't help it, I was angry". I don't act like all punkish or snotty to everyone I see, either, and expect them to "deal with it", which would be entitlement and immaturity. (I did that for a little while as a teen until I grew out of it.) I have actually screamed at a couple of people in anger, and apologized for it when I realized I was not controlling my behavior and was being a jerk. I DO occasionally "lose my cool" and do something destructive like buy too many groceries or socks, or even not answer the phone when the person I'm angry with calls, but I don't STAY in that behavior, nor do I think it's "OK" just because I was ANGRY. I have to deal with the consequences that my actions caused, and apologize to anyone who I might have treated discourteously. I don't automatically go around calling people names or causing all kinds of trouble and damage, treating people like crap. I don't retaliate against anyone who "pisses me off", my emotions are MINE, and my behavior is MINE. I can't control my emotions, even when I'm upset about something that I completely misunderstood, but I CAN control my behavior, because I'm self-aware. Not to the degree of God, (or some other higher-than-human supernatural being), not even close; but even recognizing that one's self-awareness is limited is also self-awareness.
(In relative note, being judgmental and assuming about someone else's level of self-awareness is actually ego. One can't know the level of another's self-awareness, or even awareness, one can only speculate by shown behavior, and one could easily be partially or entirely wrong, since human perception and intelligence is organic, not machine, and subject to flaw, misinterpretation, and total misjudgment...So if someone who calls themselves "enlightened" or a "spiritual teacher" is going around assessing the level of enlightenment of other people, and treating them as such, either with worshipful admiration or with condescension, it's just their ego, which would mean they're not as enlightened as they think they are. But that's their problem, their journey, not anyone else's.)
What I usually do when I'm angry is talk about it with a trusted friend, and hear their feedback about what I'm angry about. They might see something about the situation that will help me figure out how to actually deal with what's going on, and they often do. Then I can go back and deal with it for real, without making it even more complicated with my reactiveness.
(PTSD triggers are NOT the same thing as regular emotions, nor are anxiety triggers. A person may go into a red-rage if they are threatened physically if they have PTSD, or they may have a panic attack, or they may dive under a table. Fight, flight, or freeze; not the same thing as regular emotions. And it's important to note that those who are triggered to rage from apparent PTSD who REFUSE to get help are simply behaving irresponsibly and are justifying their behavior so they can keep doing it. If one "can't help it", then one definitely needs help from professionals. There is no excuse for not seeking help or justifying aggressive behavior.)
Anger is not RAGE. Rage can occur when a person (especially a person with weak, injured, or inflated ego) feels an ego-injury, or when a person is overwhelmed with fear and is in defense of themselves or another, or is triggered by PTSD. "Road rage" for example is often both ego and defense: self-protection AND/or domination, AND proving "toughness" or "superiority".
Anger helps us cross the threshold of FEAR, so we're not afraid to raise our head up and LOOK DIRECTLY at what's going on.
Anger is not hate, which bogs us down and eats at our own heart, and it's not AGGRESSION, which is an ACTION, not an emotion.
A person can feel sad, and behave in any number of ways in reaction to that sadness; they might just sit there and cry, or not cry, or talk about it with someone, or go into silence, or do something do distract themselves, or ask for a hug, or curl up in bed, or eat... Sadness is the feeling, not the behavior.
Anger is the same thing, it's a feeling, not an automatic behavior. One person can be very angry and barely show any behaviors at all, they might have learned to deal with their anger very effectively, which is healthy, or they might be burying it and hiding it, which is not healthy, but it would look similar to someone looking at them. Another person might instantly behave aggressively, because they don't know the difference between their emotions and their actions, or they might like the feeling of "displaying aggression", which is not "anger" at all...
Another person might retaliate against whoever they're angry at, which is not "anger", but the action of retaliation. People who retaliate will do that even when no one DID anything WRONG. They retaliate because it gives them a feeling of power and control over others, not because they're "angry".
ANGER itself doesn't dictate or control anyone's ACTIONS, no more than joy or sadness does.
When I'm feeling great joy, I don't dance in the air like Snoopy (I can't), nor do I call up every single friend on my contacts list like someone I know. Nor do I go skydiving like someone else I know. Nor do I drive my car in circles and peel out like still someone else I know.
When I feel joy, I do what I DO, and what I CHOOSE to do, not a preset behavior that "I can't help".
Just like my behavior when I feel anger. Even if I feel overwhelmed with anger, I don't smash my stuff or other people's stuff, I don't drive my car fast and endanger all the lives on the road including mine, I don't drink to oblivion or use drugs, nor do I go screaming at someone and then act like "I couldn't help it, I was angry". I don't act like all punkish or snotty to everyone I see, either, and expect them to "deal with it", which would be entitlement and immaturity. (I did that for a little while as a teen until I grew out of it.) I have actually screamed at a couple of people in anger, and apologized for it when I realized I was not controlling my behavior and was being a jerk. I DO occasionally "lose my cool" and do something destructive like buy too many groceries or socks, or even not answer the phone when the person I'm angry with calls, but I don't STAY in that behavior, nor do I think it's "OK" just because I was ANGRY. I have to deal with the consequences that my actions caused, and apologize to anyone who I might have treated discourteously. I don't automatically go around calling people names or causing all kinds of trouble and damage, treating people like crap. I don't retaliate against anyone who "pisses me off", my emotions are MINE, and my behavior is MINE. I can't control my emotions, even when I'm upset about something that I completely misunderstood, but I CAN control my behavior, because I'm self-aware. Not to the degree of God, (or some other higher-than-human supernatural being), not even close; but even recognizing that one's self-awareness is limited is also self-awareness.
(In relative note, being judgmental and assuming about someone else's level of self-awareness is actually ego. One can't know the level of another's self-awareness, or even awareness, one can only speculate by shown behavior, and one could easily be partially or entirely wrong, since human perception and intelligence is organic, not machine, and subject to flaw, misinterpretation, and total misjudgment...So if someone who calls themselves "enlightened" or a "spiritual teacher" is going around assessing the level of enlightenment of other people, and treating them as such, either with worshipful admiration or with condescension, it's just their ego, which would mean they're not as enlightened as they think they are. But that's their problem, their journey, not anyone else's.)
What I usually do when I'm angry is talk about it with a trusted friend, and hear their feedback about what I'm angry about. They might see something about the situation that will help me figure out how to actually deal with what's going on, and they often do. Then I can go back and deal with it for real, without making it even more complicated with my reactiveness.
(PTSD triggers are NOT the same thing as regular emotions, nor are anxiety triggers. A person may go into a red-rage if they are threatened physically if they have PTSD, or they may have a panic attack, or they may dive under a table. Fight, flight, or freeze; not the same thing as regular emotions. And it's important to note that those who are triggered to rage from apparent PTSD who REFUSE to get help are simply behaving irresponsibly and are justifying their behavior so they can keep doing it. If one "can't help it", then one definitely needs help from professionals. There is no excuse for not seeking help or justifying aggressive behavior.)
