People
with Narcissism issues tend to pay much more attention to those outside
of their personal family than inside. They may be known as "good
listeners" or "lovely people" or "sweet and generous" or "heroes" or
"very responsible" outside of their marriage or their household, but
don't have patience, time, or resources to listen to, validate, or help
the people closest to them. They may even appear
to "fight for what's right" out in the world, but treat their family
members, partner, or children like burdens, like servants, like warts on
their skin, like they're the "lowest" people they know. A Narcissist
who would cross the country to help put out forest fires or rescue
someone they barely know would be hard-pressed to cross the street to
genuinely help or show care toward someone "close" to them. "Helping
others" or "Being a good person" is all about being SEEN and GETTING
CREDIT and GETTING RECOGNITION for a person with Narcissism, not about
actually helping or caring.
Narcissists actually COMPETE WITH their own family members, spouse, children, and close friends for recognition, resources, credit, "love", and image, which is the exact opposite of "healthy".
So they are always trying to make themselves "LOOK GOOD" to those outside of their family or close friends, and "LOOK BETTER" than the people "close" to them.
A Narcissistic mother who has a physically attractive daughter, or a talented or intelligent daughter, will feel THREATENED, not proud, as if they were two children in a fourth grade class instead of mother and daughter. And so an N. mother will do things that an envious child might do to another child who she was envious of, like spread rumors and gossip, triangulate, "steal" the daughters friends, present herself as the "GOOD ONE" of the two to others any way she can, compete with her for male attention, etc.
Of course a Narcissistic "best friend" would also do these things for the same (or similar) reasons, but it's not as traumatic when the N. is a platonic peer compared to a parent or spouse, although the trauma can still be quite devastating and cause real damage.
Whatever the relationship is "supposed to be", the Narcissist doesn't change; they see other people as either a way to GAIN for themselves, OR as a THREAT to themselves.
People who are close to them especially are seen as either someone to CONTROL, or someone who is TRYING TO control them. Narcissists do not come out of "competition mode".
Everything is a competition. Everything is "who's in charge", or "proving who's better", "proving who's smarter", "proving who's a better person", "proving who DESERVES recognition, privilege, or resources", or a DISPLAY of "how great" they are.
That's what THEY"RE doing, so they think that's what EVERYONE ELSE is doing too.
(If they think you're attractive, you must be MAKING YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE ON PURPOSE... because you think you're "so great" or because you're trying to MANIPULATE other people by apparently creating your own face and body.........
unless they're still in the "valuation phase", then your physical attractiveness means that you're "Above others"....... but that will only last until they find someone else who they think is more attractive, or until you stand up for yourself or for someone else, or have some kind of "need" ... or "opinion" ...)
Narcissists actually COMPETE WITH their own family members, spouse, children, and close friends for recognition, resources, credit, "love", and image, which is the exact opposite of "healthy".
So they are always trying to make themselves "LOOK GOOD" to those outside of their family or close friends, and "LOOK BETTER" than the people "close" to them.
A Narcissistic mother who has a physically attractive daughter, or a talented or intelligent daughter, will feel THREATENED, not proud, as if they were two children in a fourth grade class instead of mother and daughter. And so an N. mother will do things that an envious child might do to another child who she was envious of, like spread rumors and gossip, triangulate, "steal" the daughters friends, present herself as the "GOOD ONE" of the two to others any way she can, compete with her for male attention, etc.
Of course a Narcissistic "best friend" would also do these things for the same (or similar) reasons, but it's not as traumatic when the N. is a platonic peer compared to a parent or spouse, although the trauma can still be quite devastating and cause real damage.
Whatever the relationship is "supposed to be", the Narcissist doesn't change; they see other people as either a way to GAIN for themselves, OR as a THREAT to themselves.
People who are close to them especially are seen as either someone to CONTROL, or someone who is TRYING TO control them. Narcissists do not come out of "competition mode".
Everything is a competition. Everything is "who's in charge", or "proving who's better", "proving who's smarter", "proving who's a better person", "proving who DESERVES recognition, privilege, or resources", or a DISPLAY of "how great" they are.
That's what THEY"RE doing, so they think that's what EVERYONE ELSE is doing too.
(If they think you're attractive, you must be MAKING YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE ON PURPOSE... because you think you're "so great" or because you're trying to MANIPULATE other people by apparently creating your own face and body.........
unless they're still in the "valuation phase", then your physical attractiveness means that you're "Above others"....... but that will only last until they find someone else who they think is more attractive, or until you stand up for yourself or for someone else, or have some kind of "need" ... or "opinion" ...)
