Little, subtle crazy-making behaviors keep others in the loop of those with control issues.
Double-standards are part of daily life with those who have control issues. "Social rules" are one way for them, but different for someone else, and different for each target.
So Scott, the Controller, doesn't call home when he's going to be late, and sometimes doesn't come home until after midnight. Everyone is supposed to be "understanding" about that, and assume that Scott is late because he had something IMPORTANT to do; a "legitimate reason" for being late. No one is allowed to question why he was late, or why he didn't call. Which is perfectly fine if he held up that same standard for everyone else, but he doesn't. Scott wants his autonomy respected, as well as his person and his intentions, he wants to be seen and treated as someone who deserves full respect. BUT, he does NOT treat OTHERS that way. Megan, his sister, and Julie, his wife, are apparently under DIFFERENT "RULES" than Scott, even though they are both adults.
Scott becomes angry and upset when Julie doesn't come home, or when she doesn't call. He tries to cast shame on Julie for this, as if being late or not calling home means she's a Bad Person, or means she's Doing Something Bad while she's out, and that she doesn't CARE about him.
Scott also lays blame and shame on his sister when she doesn't come home until late, and when she doesn't call.
Scott seems oblivious to his Double Standard about coming home late or calling.
Apparently in his mind, there are two separate worlds:
Scott World, where there's nothing wrong with staying out late and not calling; and Julie and Megan World, where if you stay out late or don't call, you're doing something wrong and bad, and hurting the people who "care about you".
Really though, Scott wants to be the Leader of the group, the Important One in the group, the Parental Figure (as if the others are children), and some kind of Authority Figure.
Scott thinks that people who are "Leaders" and "Authorities" are not beholden to rules, or to social consideration. He thinks that if he's being the "Leader", then he gets to MAKE "rules" for others, and "enforce" them, and "punish" others for not following them, but that those rules are not for HIM to follow.
That's what Scott thinks "Leaders" and "Authority Figures" get to do; make and enforce rules, but they don't have to follow them.
Scott thinks that when Julie and Megan don't follow Scott World "rules", that they are DISRESPECTING him, and treating him badly. He honestly can not comprehend that they are all on EQUAL footing, that no one is "above" or "below", that there is no "Hierarchy". He really thinks he's the "Leader", and that therefore he's ENTITLED to privilege and being outside the rules, and that he has the RIGHT to boss them around and cast shame on them for doing exactly the same things that he does.
Double-standards are part of daily life with those who have control issues. "Social rules" are one way for them, but different for someone else, and different for each target.
So Scott, the Controller, doesn't call home when he's going to be late, and sometimes doesn't come home until after midnight. Everyone is supposed to be "understanding" about that, and assume that Scott is late because he had something IMPORTANT to do; a "legitimate reason" for being late. No one is allowed to question why he was late, or why he didn't call. Which is perfectly fine if he held up that same standard for everyone else, but he doesn't. Scott wants his autonomy respected, as well as his person and his intentions, he wants to be seen and treated as someone who deserves full respect. BUT, he does NOT treat OTHERS that way. Megan, his sister, and Julie, his wife, are apparently under DIFFERENT "RULES" than Scott, even though they are both adults.
Scott becomes angry and upset when Julie doesn't come home, or when she doesn't call. He tries to cast shame on Julie for this, as if being late or not calling home means she's a Bad Person, or means she's Doing Something Bad while she's out, and that she doesn't CARE about him.
Scott also lays blame and shame on his sister when she doesn't come home until late, and when she doesn't call.
Scott seems oblivious to his Double Standard about coming home late or calling.
Apparently in his mind, there are two separate worlds:
Scott World, where there's nothing wrong with staying out late and not calling; and Julie and Megan World, where if you stay out late or don't call, you're doing something wrong and bad, and hurting the people who "care about you".
Really though, Scott wants to be the Leader of the group, the Important One in the group, the Parental Figure (as if the others are children), and some kind of Authority Figure.
Scott thinks that people who are "Leaders" and "Authorities" are not beholden to rules, or to social consideration. He thinks that if he's being the "Leader", then he gets to MAKE "rules" for others, and "enforce" them, and "punish" others for not following them, but that those rules are not for HIM to follow.
That's what Scott thinks "Leaders" and "Authority Figures" get to do; make and enforce rules, but they don't have to follow them.
Scott thinks that when Julie and Megan don't follow Scott World "rules", that they are DISRESPECTING him, and treating him badly. He honestly can not comprehend that they are all on EQUAL footing, that no one is "above" or "below", that there is no "Hierarchy". He really thinks he's the "Leader", and that therefore he's ENTITLED to privilege and being outside the rules, and that he has the RIGHT to boss them around and cast shame on them for doing exactly the same things that he does.
