Being a "good leader" or a "leader type" is not the same thing as having control issues or being a Narcissist.
Most people like it when someone is around who's a good leader type. They have a knack for helping others achieve their potential, for organizing projects and goals with the talents and abilities of other people, for getting different kinds of personalities to work together, and for leading others in going places and getting things done.
A lot of people have skills, abilities, and talent, but really appreciate someone else who's talent and abilities happen to include dealing with difficult people, getting others to work together (or work at all), getting others to behave respectfully and cooperate in a work group or project, getting everyone involved to focus on the goal, and simply helping to figure out what the best next step or direction is.
A Good Leader is a person who has these abilities and is also respectful toward other people, respectful of who others really are and is appreciative of their abilities, who does not try to diminish others, and who knows the difference between "leadership" and "superiority".
If the person is getting a "high" from bossing others and being in control, then it's likely their "leadership skills" are not very good, because they're actually just "leading" in order to get a fix, not to accomplish anything. They will likely sabotage anyone who seems like a threat to their leadership position or image, because that would be a threat to getting their fix.
If a good Leader picks up social signals from another person that they're not a "leader type", they may approach the person and want to know about them, want to hear their point of view, and want to assist them in whatever their doing, or help them, or recruit them for a project. But they will NOT condescend to the person, judge the person as an "inferior", give the person unsolicited 'advice" or criticism, or try to "prove" to the person that they are stronger or smarter.
If a good Leader picks up social signals from another person that they ARE another "leader type", they may approach the person and perhaps want to talk to them, work with them, hear their point of view, and learn about their projects and goals. But they will NOT feel "challenged" by the person, feel envious, or try to diminish the person or "prove" that they are the "top dog". They will also NOT try to take over the person's projects or groups, or sabotage them.
A Controller, on the other hand, will likely do the opposite of what a "good Leader" would do in response to the social cues from others. For example if they pick up "shy" or even "polite" social signals, they are likely to see the person as either a "nothing", or as a potential Target (prey, mark, servant, sidekick).
If they pick up social signals that indicate a "Leader type" person, they are likely to either kiss up to the person in order to be associated with them and get in their good graces, or they will try to diminish the person and "knock them down".
The behavior of a "Controller" can be compared to many social animals who have a group leader, when less mature animals try to challenge the leader all the time, and try to prove dominance toward other members of the group with aggressive displays..If an individual goes too far with these behaviors, or displays them too often, they can be driven away and "exiled" from the group because their behaviors are destructive to the group's safety and well-being.
A good Leader, human or non-human, can be a boon to individuals and to larger groups.
A "Controller" can be something of a headache instead, or worse, all the way to being a nightmare of destruction for other individuals, to projects, businesses, groups and communities, and even nations.
A really good Leader will recognize Controllers in their midst, and not only stand up to them, but help protect others from them as well.
Most people like it when someone is around who's a good leader type. They have a knack for helping others achieve their potential, for organizing projects and goals with the talents and abilities of other people, for getting different kinds of personalities to work together, and for leading others in going places and getting things done.
A lot of people have skills, abilities, and talent, but really appreciate someone else who's talent and abilities happen to include dealing with difficult people, getting others to work together (or work at all), getting others to behave respectfully and cooperate in a work group or project, getting everyone involved to focus on the goal, and simply helping to figure out what the best next step or direction is.
A Good Leader is a person who has these abilities and is also respectful toward other people, respectful of who others really are and is appreciative of their abilities, who does not try to diminish others, and who knows the difference between "leadership" and "superiority".
If the person is getting a "high" from bossing others and being in control, then it's likely their "leadership skills" are not very good, because they're actually just "leading" in order to get a fix, not to accomplish anything. They will likely sabotage anyone who seems like a threat to their leadership position or image, because that would be a threat to getting their fix.
If a good Leader picks up social signals from another person that they're not a "leader type", they may approach the person and want to know about them, want to hear their point of view, and want to assist them in whatever their doing, or help them, or recruit them for a project. But they will NOT condescend to the person, judge the person as an "inferior", give the person unsolicited 'advice" or criticism, or try to "prove" to the person that they are stronger or smarter.
If a good Leader picks up social signals from another person that they ARE another "leader type", they may approach the person and perhaps want to talk to them, work with them, hear their point of view, and learn about their projects and goals. But they will NOT feel "challenged" by the person, feel envious, or try to diminish the person or "prove" that they are the "top dog". They will also NOT try to take over the person's projects or groups, or sabotage them.
A Controller, on the other hand, will likely do the opposite of what a "good Leader" would do in response to the social cues from others. For example if they pick up "shy" or even "polite" social signals, they are likely to see the person as either a "nothing", or as a potential Target (prey, mark, servant, sidekick).
If they pick up social signals that indicate a "Leader type" person, they are likely to either kiss up to the person in order to be associated with them and get in their good graces, or they will try to diminish the person and "knock them down".
The behavior of a "Controller" can be compared to many social animals who have a group leader, when less mature animals try to challenge the leader all the time, and try to prove dominance toward other members of the group with aggressive displays..If an individual goes too far with these behaviors, or displays them too often, they can be driven away and "exiled" from the group because their behaviors are destructive to the group's safety and well-being.
A good Leader, human or non-human, can be a boon to individuals and to larger groups.
A "Controller" can be something of a headache instead, or worse, all the way to being a nightmare of destruction for other individuals, to projects, businesses, groups and communities, and even nations.
A really good Leader will recognize Controllers in their midst, and not only stand up to them, but help protect others from them as well.
