One of the most frustrating things about relationships with people who have narcissism issues, especially those who don't have severe "NPD" (severe NPD is a little easier to see once you notice it), is that no matter what, they actually seem to believe that any and all of the problems in the relationship are caused by YOU.
This is can also be seen in people who have PTSD, Bipolar, ADD, and "Borderline Personality" issues, none of which are actually "Narcissism", but can manifest N. behaviors and perceptions because of extreme defensiveness, self-protection, recurring paranoia (often from being manipulated, betrayed, or gaslighted), and attention deficit.
People who have ADD, for example, who manifest N. issues can believe they know all the information there is regarding an event, an interaction with another person, or something they heard, or something they read, because they don't realize they missed half of it.
Like falling asleep during class but not knowing it.
They think they perceived everything that happened, that they know what you're going to say, that they know what you're thinking and feeling, that they know your motive, or that you have an "agenda", but they have NO INTEREST in actually finding anything out, or reviewing any facts, or reviewing what actually happened, or what was actually said. Because it's too much work and it's annoying... in their mind, they already KNOW, so why go back over it again?! They can actually perceive a person who wants to review an event or an interaction as being "hostile" or "chastising" them, because that's probably what it FEELS like to them. They may also perceive an attempt to go back over something as the other person trying to "get out of responsibility for their actions", which may be from another relationship, or it may be a projection of their own motives.
So there's no way to go back over something that happened, even to show them that you did not do what they think you did to hurt or betray them, because they will become defensive and emotionally reactive, and cause a NEW "negative" event.
.
ALSO~ people who actually do have Narcissism will often avoid reviewing an event at all costs, because they can NOT TOLERATE even a small hint that they did something "wrong". EVEN IF another person takes responsibility for 9 out of 10 "wrong" things that were said or done, a person with Narcissism will STILL defend themselves about the 10th thing that the N. was definitely responsible for, and will ACCUSE the other person of "never" taking responsibility for anything, and "always" having to be right.
.
Why that is depends on the individual, sometimes they can't "afford" to admit a mistake because it will mess up what they're trying to accomplish, and sometimes they "can't" admit a mistake because the emotions that come with it are too uncomfortable, even painful, for them.
This is can also be seen in people who have PTSD, Bipolar, ADD, and "Borderline Personality" issues, none of which are actually "Narcissism", but can manifest N. behaviors and perceptions because of extreme defensiveness, self-protection, recurring paranoia (often from being manipulated, betrayed, or gaslighted), and attention deficit.
People who have ADD, for example, who manifest N. issues can believe they know all the information there is regarding an event, an interaction with another person, or something they heard, or something they read, because they don't realize they missed half of it.
Like falling asleep during class but not knowing it.
They think they perceived everything that happened, that they know what you're going to say, that they know what you're thinking and feeling, that they know your motive, or that you have an "agenda", but they have NO INTEREST in actually finding anything out, or reviewing any facts, or reviewing what actually happened, or what was actually said. Because it's too much work and it's annoying... in their mind, they already KNOW, so why go back over it again?! They can actually perceive a person who wants to review an event or an interaction as being "hostile" or "chastising" them, because that's probably what it FEELS like to them. They may also perceive an attempt to go back over something as the other person trying to "get out of responsibility for their actions", which may be from another relationship, or it may be a projection of their own motives.
So there's no way to go back over something that happened, even to show them that you did not do what they think you did to hurt or betray them, because they will become defensive and emotionally reactive, and cause a NEW "negative" event.
.
ALSO~ people who actually do have Narcissism will often avoid reviewing an event at all costs, because they can NOT TOLERATE even a small hint that they did something "wrong". EVEN IF another person takes responsibility for 9 out of 10 "wrong" things that were said or done, a person with Narcissism will STILL defend themselves about the 10th thing that the N. was definitely responsible for, and will ACCUSE the other person of "never" taking responsibility for anything, and "always" having to be right.
.
Why that is depends on the individual, sometimes they can't "afford" to admit a mistake because it will mess up what they're trying to accomplish, and sometimes they "can't" admit a mistake because the emotions that come with it are too uncomfortable, even painful, for them.
