If a person does not respect you, it's often because they are lacking respect for themselves for some reason, not because you aren't a person who "deserves respect".
(Whether you are or you aren't is not up to their personal judgment, feelings, bias, assumptions, or resentments, and certainly not about your sex, race, height, weight, accent, the way you look or how much money you do or don't have, nor is it about whether you can cook or not, or repair the house or not, or what your job or your interests are; it's about much more important things: how you treat people, how ethical and honest you are, how much real integrity you have.)
If you ask them, they are likely to say that respect is earned, not given, which means they probably have respect confused with adulation, fear, and prestige. They may not know what respect really is, and that it's freely given first in healthy civilizations and then lost if one does something terrible to lose it, something that shows they aren't trustworthy, like scamming, lying, betrayal, or abusiveness. Then it can possibly be re-earned later, maybe, by showing that one is earnestly behaving in a trustworthy manner.
Shame and the lack of respect are related to one another.
One does not simply carry SHAME around until they can "prove" that they don't deserve it.
REAL shame comes from REAL misdeeds, it doesn't appear out of nowhere, unless someone who is mentally ill is casting that shame upon another person for the sole purpose of hurting them or their reputation.
Those who "don't respect" others for no legitimate reason are likely to have control issues and are likely to be shame-casters, trying to make other people "lesser" in order to make themselves feel "bigger", because they lack self-respect, and may have no idea how to build it.
They can not be someone whom you can connect with in a real way that's beneficial because: ~they are not going to ever want to see your point of view or even hear it;
~they will take any request or suggestion as you making "demands" of them;
~they will react to your every single non-positive emotional expression with insult, blame, shame, defensiveness and rejection;
~they are not going to behave caringly toward you unless you are giving them something;
~they are going to accuse you of being self-centered and dramatic whenever you're upset about anything, even about things that have nothing to do with them, and even if they were extremely traumatic events for you such as physical attack, rape, robbery, natural disaster, death of a loved one, abuse, severe loss, etc.;
~they are not going to remember anything positive about you;
~they will see everything you do and say in a negative light;
~they will not have respect for your loved ones including children and parents, or for your other friends, or the relationships between you and other people;
~they will not have respect for your goals, plans, ambitions, work, hobbies, interests, studies;
~they will not have respect for your strengths, capabilities, skills, knowledge, or experience;
~they will not have respect for your intelligence or personality
~they will not have respect for your possessions or finances
~they will not have respect for your reputation, personal or business
~they will not have respect for your pets
~and they will not let go of you, because to them you're not a "real" person. They will BLAME you for distancing yourself from them to avoid the way they treat you, as if you're abandoning them or treating them unfairly.
Unfortunately there is no way to actually communicate with them, they are standing ready to knock down any words you say like a tennis player hitting any ball that comes toward them. They aren't going to "catch" any of them, they're just going to hit them. So it's simply not possible to communicate, not even to tell them that you care about them, or that they deserve their own respect. (Forget about getting a neutral third party to help with communication, they'll reject that too, or if they do go, they'll bring that tennis racket with them anyway. They don't respect you, so let go of them, stop trying, it's pointless.)
(Whether you are or you aren't is not up to their personal judgment, feelings, bias, assumptions, or resentments, and certainly not about your sex, race, height, weight, accent, the way you look or how much money you do or don't have, nor is it about whether you can cook or not, or repair the house or not, or what your job or your interests are; it's about much more important things: how you treat people, how ethical and honest you are, how much real integrity you have.)
If you ask them, they are likely to say that respect is earned, not given, which means they probably have respect confused with adulation, fear, and prestige. They may not know what respect really is, and that it's freely given first in healthy civilizations and then lost if one does something terrible to lose it, something that shows they aren't trustworthy, like scamming, lying, betrayal, or abusiveness. Then it can possibly be re-earned later, maybe, by showing that one is earnestly behaving in a trustworthy manner.
Shame and the lack of respect are related to one another.
One does not simply carry SHAME around until they can "prove" that they don't deserve it.
REAL shame comes from REAL misdeeds, it doesn't appear out of nowhere, unless someone who is mentally ill is casting that shame upon another person for the sole purpose of hurting them or their reputation.
Those who "don't respect" others for no legitimate reason are likely to have control issues and are likely to be shame-casters, trying to make other people "lesser" in order to make themselves feel "bigger", because they lack self-respect, and may have no idea how to build it.
They can not be someone whom you can connect with in a real way that's beneficial because: ~they are not going to ever want to see your point of view or even hear it;
~they will take any request or suggestion as you making "demands" of them;
~they will react to your every single non-positive emotional expression with insult, blame, shame, defensiveness and rejection;
~they are not going to behave caringly toward you unless you are giving them something;
~they are going to accuse you of being self-centered and dramatic whenever you're upset about anything, even about things that have nothing to do with them, and even if they were extremely traumatic events for you such as physical attack, rape, robbery, natural disaster, death of a loved one, abuse, severe loss, etc.;
~they are not going to remember anything positive about you;
~they will see everything you do and say in a negative light;
~they will not have respect for your loved ones including children and parents, or for your other friends, or the relationships between you and other people;
~they will not have respect for your goals, plans, ambitions, work, hobbies, interests, studies;
~they will not have respect for your strengths, capabilities, skills, knowledge, or experience;
~they will not have respect for your intelligence or personality
~they will not have respect for your possessions or finances
~they will not have respect for your reputation, personal or business
~they will not have respect for your pets
~and they will not let go of you, because to them you're not a "real" person. They will BLAME you for distancing yourself from them to avoid the way they treat you, as if you're abandoning them or treating them unfairly.
Unfortunately there is no way to actually communicate with them, they are standing ready to knock down any words you say like a tennis player hitting any ball that comes toward them. They aren't going to "catch" any of them, they're just going to hit them. So it's simply not possible to communicate, not even to tell them that you care about them, or that they deserve their own respect. (Forget about getting a neutral third party to help with communication, they'll reject that too, or if they do go, they'll bring that tennis racket with them anyway. They don't respect you, so let go of them, stop trying, it's pointless.)
